DEFEATING DIVORCE: When You're On the Brink of Divorce | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #091

When you're on the brink of divorce, we pray this message will encourage and uplift you to reconsider.

We share a frank, hope-filled plan for couples on the brink of divorce, from transforming prayer and inviting real community to humble conversations and non‑negotiable counseling. Faith frames the fight while practical steps make repair possible and safe.

• Why changing prayer from “fix them” to “change me” unlocks progress
• When safety and biblical grounds mean you step away
• How the community holds vows and prevents isolation
• A humble script to start the hard talk
• What to do when emotions are too high to hear
• How to discern abandonment and set counseling as the next step
• Why kids, legacy, and faith raise the stakes
• Resources to start an at‑home marriage reset

If you're on the brink of divorce and your relationship is in need of a renovation, grab our NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP, "The Relationship Renovation Workshop"! This is an on-demand online workshop and workbook that you and your partner can use to pinpoint what areas of your relationship are in need of a renovation and create the blueprint required to establish change and restoration. 

Purchase the Relationship Renovation Workshop Today! 

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage: Brink Of Divorce
• 1:45 Joy, Mindset, And Faith At Work
• 3:20 Series Context: Defeating Divorce
• 4:19 Holiday Tension And “Last Christmas” Thoughts
• 6:00 Step One: Pray Differently
• 8:20 Raw Prayer, Scripture, And Mindset
• 10:47 Don’t Isolate: Call Your Brothers
• 13:00 Community Accountability And Witness Vows
• 15:30 Action Plan: Pray, Invite Community, Be Honest
• 16:03 Resource Break: Love By Faith Playbook
• 17:28 Step Two: Approach Your Spouse Humbly
• 19:00 High Emotions And Bad Timing
• 20:40 The Red Sea Moment: Wait On A Miracle
• 22:40 Clarifying Steps And When To Pause
• 24:25 When Refused: Is It Abandonment
• 25:30 How Wives Can Reach Stubborn Husbands
• 27:20 A 30-Second Courage Script
• 29:15 Step Three: Counseling Is Non‑Negotiable
• 31:00 Legacy, Kids, And Long-Term Impact
• 33:00 Trust God’s Move And Use Counsel
• 35:10 Workshop Offer: Relationship Renovation
• 37:00 Hope, Faith, And Defeating Divorce
• 38:15 Closing Prayer And Next Steps

Transcript

Selina Almodovar: 0:00

What happens when you're on the brink of divorce? This is the last Christmas I'm gonna spend with this person.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:05

I'm trying to be humble and approach you with this, and I'm serious about my approach, and you come back at me with that. I'm done.

Selina Almodovar: 0:11

I am willing to do what it takes.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:13

Forget it, forget it, forget it. This is stupid. I would say this is the defeating divorce episode.

Selina Almodovar: 0:18

We're not perfect people by any means. But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship, and marriage that has stood the test of time. With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk to you about everything that we've been through, are going through, and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02

Welcome to Kyle and Selena. Kyle and Selena.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:07

Love by Faith Ministries is proud to bring to you the Love by Faith podcast.

Selina Almodovar: 1:14

You know that's my favorite sound effect.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:16

That's my favorite sound effect. Yes. I do I do it in my daily life. Like I'll just be in like good moments where someone will say something, I'll go.

Selina Almodovar: 1:26

Really? Oh yeah. What when was the last time you did the sound effect?

Kyle Almodovar: 1:29

It always happens at work when I don't know, we do you know, little goofy stuff and we're like, oh, yeah. That's good. I have fun every day.

SPEAKER_02: 1:40

That's good.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:41

I let the joy of the Lord just flow because you know, you get people are just down at work and you don't know what's going on, and I just let the joy of the Lord flow. Like I have a no bad day policy, and I just don't let it happen to me.

Selina Almodovar: 1:54

That's that's a strong skill to achieve, Kyle.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:58

I pray for that piece and I just keep it over me and I get into work and I'm just gratitude from jump. Like, man, thank you, Lord, for having me here. Thank you, Lord, for this job, and I take that in the door with me and keep it all day. Even when it's like it does get hard, like it does there are moments that suck, but I don't let it get to me because it's just work.

SPEAKER_02: 2:15

Wow, right?

Kyle Almodovar: 2:16

Like it's just always blame it on Adam and Eve. Wow, I'm gonna have to toil and sweat all day no matter what. Yeah, I'm gonna have to pull the weeds no matter what.

Selina Almodovar: 2:23

I'm so enlightened by this perspective.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:26

Come on, you didn't know this about me?

Selina Almodovar: 2:28

I mean, I know you're a cheerful guy, but the the mindset that you have just locking in and going into work, that's great. Like, not everybody does that. It would be different if people did that. I don't even do that, I work from home. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, oh man, I gotta edit this podcast. Here we go.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:49

Welcome to Love by Faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 2:50

We're your host, Kyle and Selena Almodovar. Welcome. If you're listening to the first time, welcome again.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:56

Which one of our kids called me out the other day for saying y'all? They said, You sound like you've you've made her from cars when you say y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 3:03

It's always Solomon. Solomon humbles us. He he we need Solomon to humble us every day.

Kyle Almodovar: 3:08

I think he called me a hillbilly.

Selina Almodovar: 3:09

Dang.

Kyle Almodovar: 3:11

I think he did.

Selina Almodovar: 3:12

There naughty list, okay? For real. If you are with us, uh, if you're one of our uh regulars, then you see that we are in a great mood and great spirit, and we hope that you are as well. And we're gonna just jump right into today's topic, which is not really there's no easy way to just jump into this. I think maybe that's why we're trying to be jolly because we're like, okay, we start with the joy. We have a serious conversation on our hands, and yeah, we're trying to find light in it, and you know, we're uh it is our goal. We we talked about this before the episode even began. It is our hope and our prayer that today's conversation will do some miracle work. That's right. Seriously, like we are 1,000% serious on that. Um, if you guys have been following us along all month long, we have been doing a conversation on defeating divorce. Okay, so we talked about some really crucial topics about why we think Christian couples get divorced. Right. We then took it to scripture and talked about, you know, well, what are the biblical grounds for getting divorced? And today we want to talk to you about what happens when you're on the brink of divorce. Yes. Okay. So we know that even in this holly jolly season, right? This Christmas season, there are some couples out there, they might be Christian, they might not be. There are some couples out there that are seriously celebrating this holiday season with thinking in the back of their minds, like this is the last Christmas I'm gonna spend with this person. With a duplicit mindset, this is the last holiday I'm going to their house. Yeah, I'm going to their mother's house.

SPEAKER_02: 4:52

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 4:53

This is the last holiday that I'm going to put up with this.

SPEAKER_02: 4:57

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 4:57

You know what I'm saying? Like they are set in their ways. And so if you are out there or if you know someone who is out there who is already just set, who is just mentally preparing themselves for a new year and a new season where they are going to break apart from their spouse and from their marriage and everything that they vow to, you know, uphold for that lifelong commitment. We want this conversation to be for them. And we want this to be maybe a sign. Like this is the sign to just slow down and listen. And maybe what we have to say will help and will encourage you guys because, like we said in the last episode, yeah, there's still time. It hasn't happened yet. We're just still in that thought contemplation stage, and we want to talk about this matter while you're still there.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:48

Yeah. I would say this is the defeating divorce episode. Okay. This is the defeating divorce episode.

Selina Almodovar: 5:53

How do we defeat divorce?

Kyle Almodovar: 5:54

Right. What are we doing? Because we are at the your backs to the wall.

Selina Almodovar: 5:58

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:59

Right. In this place. And I think for a lot of marriages, when they're at this brink, it's not the first time.

SPEAKER_01: 6:05

Right.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:05

They've been at this brink. They fought back. And now they're back in the same place, got into the same stuck routine, and have to break out of it.

SPEAKER_01: 6:11

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:12

So what's your first what's your first break out of it move? What's our what's your first defense move?

Selina Almodovar: 6:20

If they're if they're back to the wall. If their back is to the wall. I would think if it if if it were me, first thing I would do is pray.

SPEAKER_03: 6:28

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 6:28

Second thing I would do is talk to the spouse. Third thing I would do is try to get the counselor. Right? Try to get some counseling involved. If all of that fails.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:38

We wait, wait, wait. We gotta go slow. Okay. And break those down. Because there's there's levels to each of those. There is. So first thing you gotta do is pray.

SPEAKER_01: 6:46

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:47

What does this prayer look like? Is this praying by myself? Is this just going sitting in the in the corner of the room and crying and begging God to fix it? Or what does this look like?

Selina Almodovar: 6:56

A lot of the times when there is strife within the marriage and they are going to prayer, they're oftentimes praying that God would change their spouse.

Kyle Almodovar: 7:07

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 7:08

You can't do that. You can't do that. I'm sorry. You could you could intercede for that person, but having God approaching the throne room and having the request to change someone else's heart without looking at yourself and without looking at your own heart, not a good productive prayer. Not a good productive prayer. So you have to, I would say if you're at this place and you're on the brink and your back is against the wall, the first thing you're gonna want to do is you're gonna want to perhaps observe and change possibly your prayers, okay? Because it's not you I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what your spouse is doing that's making you feel like you're having these thoughts about breaking up, right? But you can only change yourself, you can only change your attitude, you can only change your behavior, you can only change your faith, you can only change your peace. And so going to God and praying for yourself in this circumstance would be the first step. How can you change yourself? How can you change your attitude? Absolutely, how can you change your perspective? Absolutely, you know, and with the discernment of the biblical grounds for divorce, like do not overlook if someone is abusing you, if someone has abandoned you, like definitely 100%, like you're going in the right direction. You might need to part ways, right? If you're getting abused and if you're in danger.

Kyle Almodovar: 8:40

Everything in last week's episode.

Selina Almodovar: 8:42

If those things apply, but if those things are not the thing, right? And you're just annoyed, or you're just tired, or you guys just aren't communicating, or your marriage is boring, or the intimacy is lacking, right? You know, or if there's a financial hardship.

Kyle Almodovar: 8:58

If he's not connecting with you spiritually for all these years you've been begging and he's just still dragging his feet or not connecting.

Selina Almodovar: 9:04

You know, if there's you know, but there's still room to improve, then you have to pray about yourself.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:12

Prayer through journaling.

Selina Almodovar: 9:14

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:15

Prayer through through on your knees, just crying it out with God.

SPEAKER_02: 9:19

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:20

Prayer through absolutely reading scriptures over your marriage that are going to to positively impact your mindset. Like we talked about in the in the open with my mindset, it's just locked in that it's gonna be a good day no matter what.

SPEAKER_02: 9:32

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:33

That that this marriage is gonna get better no matter what, because I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Yeah, pray and praying in those those scriptures, yeah, over your marriage. I think all those are huge.

Selina Almodovar: 9:44

I love what you just said about praying vulnerably, because I feel like when people are praying, they don't get to their raw self. Yeah, like they don't want to admit that they're angry, they don't want to admit, like they, I don't know. Like, they just feel like how could I come to God, all powerful, all-sovereign, most high, and tell him that I'm mad at him for being in this situation. Like, how do I do that? Like, that's disrespectful. No, God wants you to. God can handle your anger, God can handle your fear, he can handle your frustration. Go in there cussing if you have to. Like, I'm sure God will, you know, correct your heart. He'll correct you if you need to, but do not be afraid to get raw and real with God about where you stand because it's in that raw, real place that He's going to reveal things that need the correction or that need to be released.

Kyle Almodovar: 10:45

Yes, you know. I want to talk to guys straight for a second because in this moment where we're backs to the wall, we think we have to rely on just ourselves to figure this out. We can do this, we gotta get this. But this is where guys, husbands, your community is what is going to help you the most.

SPEAKER_01: 11:02

That's good.

Kyle Almodovar: 11:02

Your community of brothers, your your blood brothers and your your Christian blood brothers who are going to pick you up and stand by you and and really give you that encouragement. So when we're praying, guys, I don't want you praying by yourself over this because you're blind spots, you're you're mad that she is leaving you like this, that she is once again just going off for no reason, and you're done, and you're done with this. And this is the last Christmas where it's gonna be like this.

SPEAKER_02: 11:30

Right.

Kyle Almodovar: 11:31

And so we have to get with brothers, we have to get with other men, older men who've gone through it, who've been married 25, 30-ish years, yes, and can say, hey, brother, like let's stop and let's talk about this and let's look this through. This is humbling yourself to go to that altar, go to that men's group, and just let them know, like, hey, this is really this really sucks right now, and I need y'all to pick me up. That's like I said y'all again. But it's real, and that's that's we can't isolate that because that's what the enemy wants. That's when we get stuck in our thoughts. That's when we're sitting on the floor in the basement crying and and asking, how do we get here? And God, why did you do this to me and why did you leave me? And it didn't. He didn't get with get with your brothers and let them lift you up together. Don't isolate when you pray over your marriage and you're on the brink of divorce. Pray with somebody, pray with someone who is going to stand by you and say, No, we're not gonna let this happen. This is an attack of the enemy, this is an attack of the flesh, and we're gonna stand against it with God and the Holy Spirit.

Selina Almodovar: 12:30

Hallelujah. Yes, amen. Yes, I love this point that you're saying because there are a lot of people that have people, they have their community, they have their friends, and then they their friends will ask them, How are you doing? Yeah, how so and so? And all you don't say nothing, you're just like, Oh, just pray for our marriage. Oh, just pray for our marriage. And it's like, really? You're going through things, right? Be vulnerable.

Kyle Almodovar: 12:53

And guys, if your friend says that, good dig deeper. What does that mean? How can we pray for your marriage? Yes, and don't let them just skate on surface stuff, like, oh, it's just, you know, we're working through it. No, what does that mean? What are you what are you working through? Because I want to help you. If you're vulnerable enough to tell me to pray for your marriage, I'm gonna be on top of you to ask you, well, what do you want me to pray? Why do you want me to pray? What does that mean? What does that look like? Yes, what are you willing to do to change it? What if she never changes? What is it gonna take? Absolutely, those real questions.

Selina Almodovar: 13:22

Absolutely. I don't think a lot of people realize, but when you go to a wedding, the audience, the witnesses of the wedding are also making a vow to the bride and groom. Yeah, sometimes they do it, sometimes most times they do it. The the pastor, the priest, whoever's there, they will tell the the people, they will tell the witnesses do you guys, as witnesses to this matrimony, vow to uphold and hold these people accountable as they stand in love and they live out their life. And we agree, we come into agreement with that. Like there is so much of a covenant that's being made internally, vertically with the father, and then sort of horizontally with your you know what I'm saying? Like there's so many things that's happening. And so if you are one of those people that are truly a friend and truly support the marriage of your friends, and you see that they're struggling, or they've gone quiet, or they're dismissive, or they're having an act, like you could come on, guys. You can go to a Christmas party and see that their interaction is a little different. Hello. You could go ahead and see that they're not PDAing as much as they used to PDA.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:29

I want to step back. You said brought up the perfect thing about being the witness. So my brother just got married. Yes, and I think one of the biggest moments of that day, you know, as a partaker of just the celebration, was when the Reverend came to me and asked me to sign the wedding certificate, the marriage certificate as a witness. Yeah. And I was like, this is me signing into my accountability for this moment, for this couple, for loving these people and helping them love each other forever.

SPEAKER_01: 14:57

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:57

And I pray that I uphold all those expectations. And how much more can we do that for our friends, for our sisters, for our brothers?

SPEAKER_01: 15:06

Absolutely.

Kyle Almodovar: 15:07

When we see that that, like she said, it's just something seems off there. Something seems off there. What's going on?

Selina Almodovar: 15:12

Don't be afraid to ask those questions if those are truly your friends and if you see something that's falling apart. So if you are on the brink of a divorce and you have thought this through, our recommendation, our first step recommendation is pray about it, change how you pray about it, and then invite your community into what's happening and have your community inspire you and encourage you and help you and motivate you and hold you accountable to what you have been asking them to hold you accountable all this time.

Kyle Almodovar: 15:42

Your closest community. And it and then and really be vulnerable with them. And it's gonna be embarrassing and it's gonna be hard, and there's gonna be confessions that you're gonna make, but it's gonna lead to that freedom and get you get your back off of that wall.

Selina Almodovar: 15:56

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 15:57

So you're not at the brink of divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 15:59

There's a lot more that we want to talk about, so yeah, let's keep going. Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode. And right now, we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith playbook.

Kyle Almodovar: 16:19

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Selina Almodovar: 16:39

So grab your love by faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it. And the good news about this is that it is a living document. So you download it one time, and every single month, we are gonna be updating this document to give you fresh new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now, and let's get back into this episode.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:10

So you said when I asked you at the beginning, you listed off three things. Yes, prayer and my guy memory. What was the second thing? You said it so fast. Loading music. We'll be right back. I said um access is this.

Selina Almodovar: 17:26

Be honest. I I think I said talk to your spouse. Okay, I said talk to your spouse, and then I said um counseling.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:31

Yes, talk to your spouse. So first step. We prayed, we got our community together. Yeah, we work through it, we go to our spouse. Yes, Selena, lately, just for like the last couple years, it's just been so stale and so hard to connect with you. And we confess all these things. I think as the man, yeah, my role is to lead this conversation.

SPEAKER_01: 17:53

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:53

Because I believe as the leaders of the that God has put us in, we need to lead this conversation.

SPEAKER_01: 17:58

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:59

Because it's gonna follow us. They're gonna remember the Titans. Attitude reflects leadership.

Selina Almodovar: 18:04

Oh, one of my favorite quotes of all time.

Kyle Almodovar: 18:06

Because if she if her back's on the wall and your back's on the wall, but you come to her humbly and say, Look, humbly is the key. Humbly, humbly.

Selina Almodovar: 18:14

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 18:15

Honey, I've been screwing up. I have not been the man I want to be. I've not communicated the way I know you expect. I've not been the lover that I know you expect. I've been distracted by work and fill in the blank and fill in the blank. And I want to do better. I want us to do better. I don't want to feel like we're on the brink of divorce. This confession to her, like this, humbly, and I want to do whatever it takes to work it out, is how we go to our partner. We don't come to her like, this is what you've been doing. If that that aggressive approach is is immediate, no.

Selina Almodovar: 18:50

But here's the thing immediately no. If they are on the brink of divorce, yeah, they're there. Their emotions have completely taken over. Their their frustration has completely taken over. They are at the point where they don't believe their spouse will listen to them or receive what they're saying.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:09

I've heard this all before kind of mentality. I've heard you say this.

Selina Almodovar: 19:12

This is what's different things. Same new same news, different day. Okay, right? Same news, different day. And why should I listen to you when you haven't even done any of the things that I have brought up? You know, and it's it's at this point where they are just so fed up with each other, yeah, that they're unwilling to hear each other.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:33

And so when she comes back at him, he's trying to be I'm I'm trying to be humble and approach you with this, and I'm serious about my approach, and you come back at me with that, I'm done. I'm out. All right, fine. Forget it, forget it, forget it. This is stupid.

SPEAKER_01: 19:47

There you go.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:47

This is stupid. So why are we talking about this then? I I just came to you and tried so hard. Why are you shooting me down?

Selina Almodovar: 19:54

Exactly. It is because their emotions are high, their hurt is is high, they're in a high Hurting stage, right? You can't resolve anything when you're high hurting. Like, think about our four-year-old. You cannot reason with her when her emotions are so strong. So there's it's impossible.

Kyle Almodovar: 20:13

So it's deeper than a matter of timing between Tuesday and Thursday and Friday.

Selina Almodovar: 20:17

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 20:18

Right?

Selina Almodovar: 20:18

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 20:18

So how does how does a husband approach this conversation when when emotions are so high?

Selina Almodovar: 20:23

When the emotions are so high, and you're just like, I feel like I've completely lost control. I've lost control over the situation. I have no idea what to do. I tried praying. I tried talking to my friends. They're my spouse is still not changing, and I just don't know what else to do.

SPEAKER_02: 20:42

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 20:43

When you are like, I don't know what else to do, right? It reminds me of Moses. It reminds me about Moses and the Israelites. They are leaving the country, Egypt. They're going towards the promised land so that they can learn how to worship and praise their Lord on high. They approach the Red Sea. They see the Red Sea. They're like, it's there. I don't know what to do about it, but uh, we're just gonna keep walking. Up it's still there. We don't know there. I don't see a bridge. What's gonna happen? I guess we're gonna keep walking. Oh no, Moses hasn't told us anything. You don't think by the time they got to the Red Sea, they were frustrated and flipping out at Moses because he didn't have a plan. He didn't have a plan, he didn't have a solution. And so what did Moses do? Why are we still walking towards the sea? Like we ain't got no boats. Like what was your plan, Moses? What's going on? What does Moses do? He lifts his hands up in the air and he says, Lord, I trust in you. You're gonna make a way. Okay. It's at that brink of divorce when you realize that your human solutions are not working and there's no other way. You don't run towards the breakage of the devil. You run towards the solution of the father. You have to lift your hands up and just be like, a miracle has to happen at this point. There has to be a breakthrough at this point so that God could part the Red Sea in order for you to walk on dry ground.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:08

So, what does that look like when we're going to our spouse to communicate about this?

Selina Almodovar: 22:11

You don't go to your spouse to communicate about it. You go to the father for the miracle to come through so that you can walk on dry ground to your spouse. You don't talk to her over the Red Sea. You don't talk to him over the Red Sea because the Red Sea is what's parting you.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:25

Time out. At the beginning of this segment, you said that step two was to go to your partner.

Selina Almodovar: 22:30

I understand that.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:31

So I'm trying to figure out how this goes back to going to your partner. Because you I just came to you as a husband, how I would come to you, and you said that wasn't good enough.

Selina Almodovar: 22:38

Let me clarify this. If it were me, this is what I would try to do.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:42

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 22:42

It doesn't necessarily mean that what I'm trying to do is going to work. Okay. So when you're on a brink of divorce, you are just picking at all things. You're you're you're you're you're grasping, you're you're desperate to find something. And just because the idea is thrown out there doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to work. Me going to my husband, I could have gone to him all year long and it could not have worked. You could have caught to me all year long, but all of the buildup and the offense has just turned to bitterness. When you're at a state where both of you guys are bitter, it's impossible to talk to each other.

Kyle Almodovar: 23:18

But I'm not bitter anymore because I went through prayer and talked to my community, and now I'm feeling like hope and courage to fight.

Selina Almodovar: 23:25

That's when you move into step three.

Kyle Almodovar: 23:26

But what if the other person is not through? Because it's not a good thing.

Selina Almodovar: 23:30

Then you throw your hands up and you hope for the miracle. You don't go. The the solution should never be to break up unless it's a biblical grounds to break up. So if you look at this through the Bible and you are doing this with the Holy Spirit and you're going through the things and you're like, well, I'm not abandoned, I'm not assaulted, it's not an adulterous thing. So clearly that means, theoretically, in my human mind, if it's none of those things, then that means God still has m room to move. So if they're not moving, even though they moved in my heart and they're not moving, then I still have to go back to God until he moves her or until he moves him. Does that make sense?

Kyle Almodovar: 24:17

Yes, it does. I guess I'm still stuck at I got shot down trying to fix the marriage.

Selina Almodovar: 24:24

If you are a Bible-believing person, yeah, and if you gone to the Bible and the scriptures and you filtered out that the reason why you should get divorced is not aligning up with God's word, then that means there is still a chance for God to move and orchestrate in this marriage. Even though you humanly tried to talk to your spouse and they are still shutting you down, you can't expect it to be the solution. You have to then go back to the father and wait for the father to move in that marriage.

Kyle Almodovar: 24:57

So how do we get to the third point of going to counseling when they're not willing to even talk with one-on-one?

Selina Almodovar: 25:02

Then you gotta ask yourself, is this abandonment? Is it abandonment? If they're refusing.

Kyle Almodovar: 25:17

So my take on this is then if she's refusing to talk to me, if she won't even work towards working it out, I'm scheduling counseling and I'm telling her when the counseling is, and I hope she makes it. And if she's not willing to go to that counselor and sit down, a real Christian counselor who is certified and licensed and working on marriages, then then it is abandonment because she has given up the fight. I need you to talk about how women are gonna approach guys when they're on the brink of divorce, and how guys can hear it. Guys need to know what that sounds like.

Selina Almodovar: 25:58

Listen, a lot of the times guys are very stubborn, and when guys get very stubborn, they get very stuck in their heads that they're the the leader and whatever they say goes, and they all of a sudden look at the woman as the lesser, as the inferior, and so it's almost near impossible for a woman to be like, I want to make this work if a guy has already made up his mind.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:21

Okay, but I think I okay, for for our example, he hasn't made up his mind. He's feeling frustrated, he's feeling down and out, he's feeling on the brink, and she comes to him ready to fix it. What does that look like? What does she look like when she comes to him ready to fix it?

Selina Almodovar: 26:36

Calm, respectful, vulnerable, straight to the point, not so much about me, me, me, more about because guys are fixers, right? Guys want to solve things. Yeah, they want to solve problems. Yeah, okay, we're gonna talk less about emotions and we're gonna talk more about how do we solve this problem. And you talk to them at a time when I I I wouldn't even say let's schedule it. I'm not even gonna bring sports into this or nothing. Like I feel like at the point of where you're on the brink of divorce, like there's no perfect time to have this conversation.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:11

Right? I agree.

Selina Almodovar: 27:12

There's no perfect time to have this. You're just gonna have to do it when you get the when you get the chance to see them face to face, not through a text. Please don't do this through a wall of text because it can be glazed over and your true intent will not be heard through the words. But when the kids are not there, or if you if you don't have kids, then when it's just you guys, not in a public area, and you say, I want to work on this marriage and I'm giving it my last shot, I'm giving it my all, and I love you and I'm willing to work towards it, and I believe that God can fix this and I need your input on this. I want to give this one last shot. If that means we have to get through counseling, if that means we have to cut up our credit cards, if that means we have to cut off, you know, this group of people, if this means we have to move, if this means we have to, you know, separate ourselves and go somewhere, if we have to go to a retreat, if we have to go to counseling, I am willing to do what it takes. I love you. Will you stand with me and try to work this out? And then it's up to him. That's like what what else can you say? No, that's you put it all out there. What else can you say?

Kyle Almodovar: 28:22

That's what I yeah, that's what they need to hear is to have that courage to say the the words that way.

Selina Almodovar: 28:27

You only need 30 seconds of courage, and you and you have to do it in a way where it's like, will you join me on this or not?

Kyle Almodovar: 28:34

Peter, I don't want a divorce. I don't want a divorce, but I feel like we're up against the wall and this is our defining moment. That's it. That's the courage she needs to have. That's the way you need to say it to him. Hearing that that I don't want a divorce word, A, it reinforces that commitment. Yeah, I don't want to do this, right? Yeah, B, you tell him my back's up against the wall. I feel like I'm at the brink.

SPEAKER_02: 28:55

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 28:56

And C, you say, I'm willing to do what it takes.

Selina Almodovar: 28:58

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 28:59

Right?

Selina Almodovar: 28:59

And then you have to ask them, will you come with me on this or not?

Kyle Almodovar: 29:04

Perfect. Perfect.

Selina Almodovar: 29:05

Because it's like, don't leave it open air. Don't just say all that and then let him walk away. And then you're like, I don't know what that means. I don't know what he's thinking. No, figure out what he's saying, what he's thinking. Yes, yes, get the direction and then move forward.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:18

And the final step, no matter what, is to work with a counselor. When your back is on that wall and you're contemplating calling the lawyer, the next step, if you vote no on that, you guys agree to work it out or don't agree to work it out. No matter what, the next step is calling a counselor to work on a yourself and be your teammate.

SPEAKER_01: 29:37

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:37

And your team work.

SPEAKER_01: 29:39

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:40

It sounds so it comes out for me, it sounds so simple. It sounds so, oh yeah, Mr. Kyle and Selita could just go to call a counselor. It's worth it. You're worth it. Your marriage is worth it. If you're at that place where you're still wanna fight for it, it's worth it. And it's gonna, it's not gonna fix quick. It's not gonna be just done tomorrow and done in six months. It took years to get to this place. Yes. It's gonna take years to get out.

Selina Almodovar: 30:08

Yes, yes. Listen, coming from a child who had to experience divorce with her parents, that has affected me my entire life. Your children will be affected their entire life, okay? Your legacy will be affected your entire life if you choose to break this off and have this divorce, okay? Everything will be affected your entire life. It's not just you breaking up and you could find someone else new and you could start afresh. Everything, it's it's like that the Marvel timeline. The timeline will break, a new timeline will form, everything will be affected from here on out. And so you have to be very cautious about where you're treading here. And you have to make sure that you are in alignment with the peace of God and where God is calling you. If God is calling you out of a place because your peace and your health and your well-being is being endangered, you have to follow that, whether you want to or not, because some people are in that and they still choose not to because they love them, right? Or they don't want to do the divorce because they don't want to dishonor God. No, you're dishonoring God by not taking care of yourself when he's telling you to come out, right? So listen to God. If God is telling you fight and stand, and I can still move mountains and I can still shift waters so that you can walk on dry ground, so you can get reconciliation, then you have to trust in that, even though the road will be hard ahead.

SPEAKER_03: 31:27

Yes.

Selina Almodovar: 31:27

Okay? Yes, because God is still a God who can do the impossible things, okay? He can still move mountains, even if that mountain is you, even if that mountain is your spouse. So let's trust in him and let's see what he does. You have to connect with him. And going to counseling could help you learn some things about yourself, could help you learn some things about him or her, can help you come to a place where you might realize that, hey, we can work on this. It might help you realize that maybe we can't. But at least having that third party out there, that unbiased approach, can help you understand it from a better point so that you're not making these decisions out of hurt and out of bitterness, out of shame or out of uh hatred.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:09

It certainly will help you. Absolutely.

Selina Almodovar: 32:11

I was gonna say, if you are on the brink, these are the things that we would recommend you do. But if you're still contemplating it, if you're still thinking about it, if you're just like the thought has come into my heart at least more than one occasion, on more than one occasion, then we have an offer that we want to provide for you, sort of as a way to help you get out of this place when your back is against the wall. Kyle, why don't you tell them what it is?

Kyle Almodovar: 32:39

We put together a workshop, the relationship renovation workshop to help couples who are struggling, who are having a hard time, who need to fix one or two areas. This might not be the back against the wall moment, it might be your back against the wall moment.

Selina Almodovar: 32:52

You're going through this holiday season and it's starting to form a seed in your HUD that divorce could be that solution. If that is where you are today, we want to stop you right now. We want to pause it and we want to say, before you think any further in that direction, why don't you consider something that we have put together in stud?

Kyle Almodovar: 33:14

We built the Relationship Renovation Workshop. It's a one-hour workshop, 33-page workbook. When you get through, you will come out knowing where to start your improvement plan for your relationship. You'll come out knowing how to better connect with your partner, and you'll come through in a better place of prayer and scriptural understanding of your relationship.

Selina Almodovar: 33:32

Think about it as you know, your at-home marriage retreat. Okay. You are frustrated, you have some problems, you know you do, you're looking for help, you don't know exactly who to turn to. This can be an offer that you can do over this holiday season that can help you guys come closer together, understand one another, and you have practical tools within the workbook that will help you understand this is what needs work. This is what we need to get help with. This is who we can call, or perhaps this is your step to be like, this indicates that we need further action through counseling or through uh a third-party system.

Kyle Almodovar: 34:14

Follow the link in the description to sign up, get your relationship renovation workshop today, and start working on your marriage for the new year. We put together this divorce series during the holiday season on purpose. Yes. Because we know this is hard. We know this is a hard time. It was trying in in our marriage.

SPEAKER_01: 34:28

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 34:28

But with us, with God, and with your own hope and your own faith, you can come out stronger on the other side and you can defeat divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 34:36

Yes. Remember, God doesn't like divorce. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. That's right. And we know that he can still move. He can still move in your marriage, he can still move in the hard seasons, he can still move even when all you see is the attack of the enemy. He can still move if we give him the chance. He can still move if we open our hearts to receive it. He can still move if you call on him, and the only call that comes out are cries. He can still move as long as your faith of a mustard seed believes that he can move in your marriage. Remember, we don't need a ton of faith to say this marriage is gonna work and my husband or my wife is gonna change. We just need the faith that God can move it, even if we can't explain it, even if we can't see it, even if our spouse is so far gone that we it is humanly impossible for us to see the change. If you have the faith that God can still move, then God will do so.

Kyle Almodovar: 35:42

Amen. Amen. Let's pray for the couples and for marriages all over. Lord, we see you at work in our life. We know that you are in our hearts, that you want the best for us, that you don't want us to be in the dark place, that you don't want us to be stuck in the corner, that you want freedom, that you want joy, that you want peace in our life, Lord. I thank you for giving us this platform and this place to share about marriage, about relationships, about defeating divorce. I pray that the couples would take our words to heart, apply them, Lord, apply your word to their life to fight for it. I pray that the they would take advantage of the resources through the playbook, through the relationship renovation workshop, and work on their marriage, not accept divorce as what is the only way out, but that they would stand up by faith, that they would love by faith with their partner. We give you the glory for all of it, Lord. You're not done in our lives. And we lift these things up in Jesus' name, amen.

Selina Almodovar: 36:45

Amen. Thank you guys for tuning in. We knew that this was going to be a hard conversation, but we hope that this was your sign, this was your message, this was your calling to just be like, let me think a little bit more about this, let me include God in that thought process. Yes. And we hope that this encourages you and motivates you. If you guys have questions, we are always here to address and answer. You can email us at info at lovebyfaith ministries.com or you can write a comment in this episode. If you're watching or tuning in on YouTube, be sure to like, share, subscribe. If you're listening on the podcast, you can still send us a message through the link in the description. And if this is an episode that really moved you, we would love to see a review or five stars to get the word out so that other people like you can learn how to love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar: 37:29

And please, when you're thinking about giving, you can always give to Love by Faith Ministries.

Selina Almodovar: 37:33

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 37:34

There's links everywhere to uh do your giving. We appreciate you.

Selina Almodovar: 37:37

We appreciate you.

Kyle Almodovar: 37:38

We love you, and we uh look forward to God doing great things for this holiday season and in the new year.

Selina Almodovar: 37:45

Have a great week. We'll see you next week.

Kyle Almodovar: 37:48

Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 37:49

Bye.

Kyle Almodovar: 37:56

I had a fun idea.

SPEAKER_01: 37:57

What?

Kyle Almodovar: 37:58

You ready?

SPEAKER_01: 37:58

What? My head is so stuffy.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:01

I'm so sorry. I want you and I to each do like, you know what a wrestling promo is? What? You know what a wrestling promo is?

Selina Almodovar: 38:07

No, I don't know no wrestling promo.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:09

So it's when the the wrestler is about to go out and go out and like have a match with the other guy.

Selina Almodovar: 38:15

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:16

But he stands up there and talks smack.

Selina Almodovar: 38:17

Can you smell with Rock is cooking?

Kyle Almodovar: 38:19

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But we're gonna do it against divorce. So your your opponent is divorced. What? Yep. I don't come on. Just get into your persona and lock in and let it rip. Ten seconds.

Selina Almodovar: 38:31

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah. That's how I feel. I don't know.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:38

Oh man.

Selina Almodovar: 38:39

What would you say? Obviously, you got something thought up.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:41

We don't have anything thought up. You just let it rip. It's a freestyle.

Selina Almodovar: 38:44

I don't know. I never wrestled before. I don't know.

Kyle Almodovar: 38:47

Listen, divorce. You think you got me? You don't know. Today, you're gonna meet your match. I'm coming out there and I'm gonna stomp you down. Wow. I'm gonna defeat divorce.

SPEAKER_01: 38:57

That's it. That's good.

Kyle Almodovar: 39:00

That's like a C No? That's like a C. I didn't have a catchphrase in there. I didn't have like a thing.

Selina Almodovar: 39:05

You can't just you can't just throw this at us. Yeah, this is what you this is how it is. No, they got a whole script. You know wrestling is fake. Did I did I cut it? Cut it the button. Is that offensive?

SPEAKER_02: 39:17

It's done. My bad. I'm sorry, guys. I take it back.

Selina Almodovar: 39:20

I didn't fake. It's but it is. Okay. Is that like saying Santa's not re oops, I'm sorry. Let me just let me just