DEFEATING DIVORCE: Biblical Grounds For Divorce | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #090

In this episode, we discuss the Biblical grounds for divorce.

We open Scripture to explore when divorce is biblically permitted and how God’s heart aims to protect people, not trap them in harm. We unpack adultery, abandonment, and abuse with care, then point to humility, repentance, and real-world steps toward safety, healing, and peace.

• scriptural grounds for divorce: adultery, abandonment, abuse
• Jesus’ correction of casual divorce in Matthew 19
• heart-level adultery and emotional affairs
• trust, identity, and the cost of betrayal
• modern abandonment: addiction, apathy, hardened refusal to repent
• naming abuse across physical, verbal, emotional, spiritual, and financial forms
• humility as a pathway to repair or release
• hope for restoration and the call to pursue peace
• prayer for strong, faithful, Christ-centered marriages


Biblical Scriptures mentioned in this episode:

Matthew 19:9

Matthew 5:28

1 Corinthians 7:15

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open And Purpose
• 0:54 Daily Highlights And Fellowship
• 2:25 Series Context: Defeating Divorce
• 2:55 God Hates Divorce: Framing The Issue
• 4:27 Study Posture And Using Scripture Well
• 5:11 Ground One: Adultery In Scripture
• 7:22 Trust, Identity, And Rebuilding After Betrayal
• 10:51 Heart-Level Lust And Covenant Vows
• 13:28 Humility, Repentance, And Restoration
• 15:03 Break: Love By Faith Playbook
• 17:41 Ground Two: Abandonment Explained
• 20:40 Modern Abandonment: Addiction And Idols
• 22:19 Willingness To Repent As A Litmus Test
• 22:53 Ground Three: Abuse As Betrayal Of Covenant
• 25:35 Stigma, Statistics, And God’s Heart
• 28:06 Hope Ahead And Next Steps
• 30:34 Closing Prayer And Requests

Transcript

Kyle Almodovar: 0:00

This week we're getting into scripture around divorce. It is a stigma for Christian couples to get divorced. They're kind of misused, I think.

Selina Almodovar: 0:07

I thought I was everything you needed. Why did you leave?

Kyle Almodovar: 0:09

I think these are the kind of reasons why it's God hates divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 0:12

We're not perfect people. By any means. But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship, and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:24

With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk to you about everything that we've been through, are going through, and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other.

Selina Almodovar: 0:37

In order to help you learn how to love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:54

We do something where we always ask, what was the highlight of your day? And yesterday, I didn't get to ask you what the highlight of your day was.

Selina Almodovar: 1:00

Yesterday?

Kyle Almodovar: 1:01

Yeah, yesterday.

Selina Almodovar: 1:02

Yesterday I took a full day off.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:03

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 1:04

I needed it. Going from Thanksgiving to everything, and then like leading up to everything else. Like going from everything leading up to everything else.

SPEAKER_04: 1:16

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 1:17

I needed a day off. And so the highlight of my day was I tried to take a nap and I I didn't need a nap as much as I thought I did. So I was like, oh, it kind of revealed to me like I'm not physically tired, I'm just mentally tired. What was the highlight of your day?

Kyle Almodovar: 1:34

The highlight of my day yesterday.

Selina Almodovar: 1:36

Abbott day. Because we watch Abbott on Wednesdays.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:40

That was cool. The highlight of my day.

Selina Almodovar: 1:43

Seeing Mark Anthony perform.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:44

No, Mark Anthony did did well.

Selina Almodovar: 1:46

Did his thing.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:47

But uh I'm gonna go with the highlight of my day was I had a morning discussion with one of my guys that I talked to, and we had a really good talk, and that was the highlight of my day.

Selina Almodovar: 2:00

That's great. Somebody from work?

Kyle Almodovar: 2:01

Uh from the inner circle. Yeah. We're able to have a really good moment together and talk and just hear each other in a great way.

Selina Almodovar: 2:10

That's great.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:10

So that was good. Good good man time in the morning was that's answered prayers on the way to work.

Selina Almodovar: 2:14

It was good. For you to to have men friends and for the men of the church to grow together and closer together. That's always a bit of prayer.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:22

It was definitely a time of fellowship.

Selina Almodovar: 2:23

Amen. That was good.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:25

It was good.

Selina Almodovar: 2:25

Well, welcome to Love by Faith. We're your hosts, Selena and Kyle Almodovar here, and we are smack dab in the middle of December. Deep Christmas. But also we're going through a pretty serious topic, which is defeating divorce. So if you listen to our last episode last week, we talked all about why we think Christian couples get divorced. Make sure you tune into that if you haven't already. And if you're back to join us, then welcome back. We're so glad to have you. We're gonna keep this discussion going. Kyle, what are we talking about today?

Kyle Almodovar: 2:55

This week, we're getting into scripture around divorce. Yes. Scriptural reasons for divorce, yes. What they mean, what they don't mean, and and how they're they're kind of misused, I think. Sometimes are they looking at it when we're doing our homework and getting ready for this episode? Okay. I I look at uh God hates divorce, right? Yeah, yes, God hates divorce, yeah. God hates people being in a mistreated situation, yeah, God hates his seeing his people hurt, God hates breaking promises, God hates lying. Yes, all of those things. Yes, and all those things compound in the in a and can compound to lead to divorce. Yes, right? And I think this is a really sensitive topic, right? Yeah, divorce and relating it back to scripture because it's been so weaponized both ways. Like weaponized for like I'm getting a divorce because of this, this, and this scriptural ground.

SPEAKER_05: 3:46

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 3:46

Or I'm not getting divorced because of this and this scriptural ground.

SPEAKER_05: 3:49

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 3:50

And so I think this episode is really one where we have to. I want to tread delicately. Okay, because I don't want to offend or misuse the scriptures. Absolutely. And I want to be real on focused on on how God intended the word to to come off.

SPEAKER_05: 4:06

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:06

Because there is a real heart, a real genuine godly message to the scriptures behind divorce and behind how to love and how to love well.

Selina Almodovar: 4:15

And how to love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:16

And in love by faith, we're all about loving well.

Selina Almodovar: 4:18

Amen.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:19

Amen.

Selina Almodovar: 4:19

Wow, Kyle, you just came in there blazing, just shooting.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:23

Cold open. Here we go.

Selina Almodovar: 4:24

Wow. Okay, we're we're just we're gonna jump right in. So so as we were doing our studying and research, because again, like Kyle said, we never want to take the Bible out of context. Like we fear the Lord, we are trying to respect him and honor him in every way possible. And so by sharing his word with you guys, we're going to, before we say anything about it, we're gonna encourage you to take this episode and use your Bible with it. You know, listen to the scriptures and go back for yourself and study the scriptures and really lean into what the Holy Spirit is trying to show you and reveal to you from those scriptures because we um we're only the messenger, okay? We're only the messenger and we're trying to honor the one who sent us to deliver this message. And so, with that being said, when we were doing our study about what the biblical reasons would be for divorce, the first one that came up was spoken by Jesus himself in the Gospels, and it was about adultery. Okay, so any kind of sexual adultery that was grounds for it's okay to part ways and break this tie.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:35

You're talking about Matthew?

Selina Almodovar: 5:37

Yes. I think it's Matthew um 19. I have my notes pulled up. Is that it? Is that right?

Kyle Almodovar: 5:41

Yep, keep going.

Selina Almodovar: 5:42

Let's go. So, okay, I'm gonna let's just read it.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:44

Yep, bring it.

Selina Almodovar: 5:45

I don't have the script. Let me see. I have my notes here, but I don't have it pulled up specifically.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:51

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery. Is that the one you're talking about? Matthew 19, 9?

Selina Almodovar: 5:59

Yes, 19.9. Yeah, that's the one. Oh, there it is. There's my notes. Okay, so yeah, so Jesus himself said this. And so I think this is the reason why this takes precedent, is because Jesus said it. Like no one else said it, nobody else can like misinterpret what he said, like nobody can mince his words, and oh, this was a male in the society doing with male intentions. Like, no, Jesus himself said this, thus says the Lord, and so let it be done and let it be so, and all the church say amen. So, Kyle, tell me about what you think when it comes to this reason, this biblical reason for divorce.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:34

So, I'm gonna jump into kind of the the context. Okay. So we're in you're in Jesus' time, and I think there was a lot of abuse of the scripture to say this and this happened, so I'm gonna get a divorce. This okay because it was a it was a male-dominated male-dominated society, and they were going off of what what Moses had said, and they were abusing it, they were using it to just get a divorce for any willy-nilly reason.

SPEAKER_05: 7:03

Yeah, right.

Kyle Almodovar: 7:04

And so Jesus said that you're getting divorced for no reason, you're breaking this promise that you made for no reason. There's this covenant that you have set forth to and intended to do in front of God, you are breaking. You're breaking up with God.

SPEAKER_05: 7:18

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 7:19

What God has brought together, you are breaking.

Selina Almodovar: 7:22

Yeah. And also to consider, like to put it in that historical context, you know, every other culture and every other religion around them did not exercise that oneness with one man and one woman, one woman. There was a bunch of polygamy. There was a bunch of I'm marrying off a bunch of people, I'm I'm gonna, you know, they had the temples for the sex gods and fertility gods, and so there was just a bunch of stuff happening. And this was really a rare thing. And so I can see that. But also, and you know, speeding it back up to 2025, that's still common today. Sure. You know, we we talked about it in our temptations series, how men are tempted to just look and it's a it's a carnal thing, and women are tempted to lean in emotionally, and that's a a thing, and it's from having the lack that you of getting that kind of void filled in your marriage, right? And people cheat. People cheat. Yes, cheating destroys so many trust and so much image. I I mean, I mean, like it just breaks down into so many ways and into so many layers for someone to get cheated on. Now they have a misconstrued perception of who they are because they think that they're not qualified or worthy to have a whole relationship because somebody sneaked out the back door to find something better. In other words, they think that their worth is not good enough. They have trust issues, they have confusion issues of like, I thought I was everything you needed. Why did you leave? You know, so now it's just like this feeling of like low self-worth comes into it. And then the cheater out of nowhere is like, now he has the trust issues because he's like, it was so easy for me to do it. That person can easily do it. I'm noting the signs because that's what I would do, and it just it just breathes a whole bunch of mess. It's very messy, it's hurtful.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:14

Yeah, it was it's it's the way in your in your story there, it's sin creating more sin. Because you have the the act of going outside of the marriage and breaking your vows, creating the sin of not trusting God.

SPEAKER_05: 9:28

Yes, right?

Kyle Almodovar: 9:28

The sin just creates so much strife and so much insecurity and questioning yourself, who I am, and that identity problem, yes, and then questioning who God has called you to. Yes, questioning was God there, was God ever a part of it, and then you're going back and you're questioning your whole faith now. That's so true. Because of this one awful act, yes, and and it's I think these are the kind of reasons why it's God hates divorce, yes, because it hurts. It breeds so much, much, it just festers and can create so much sin, so much contempt, so much hate through it. Yeah, no doubt. And and I think that's part of taking marriage so seriously, yes, and and and really taking that premarital step so seriously before you get married to ask who am I marrying, who am I bringing into this marriage, yes, so that I am as prepared as I can be. Absolutely. Because no one's ever a hundred percent prepared for marriage, but to be as prepared as you can feel or to feel confident walking in that hey, my cards are on the table, I've worked through my past, I've laid a vision, we have laid a vision for our future together and what growing together over the next six months, one year, five years looks like you know, life throws curveballs, but you can lay out that road roadmap to get there. And I I I just that that in fidelity is it's a biblical ground for divorce for a reason. And they're just so hard to claw back from that that in in this my encouragement in this is to be there for your partner. Men, this is that listening ear, this is understanding her love language, this is really digging in when she needs you to. This is being Christ for her and laying down your wants and your needs to just pick up your cross and to to it encourage her and to to just take the the burden for her, take the beating for her like Christ did for us.

Selina Almodovar: 11:27

There's something else that we are kind of overlooking. I know in that particular scripture, Jesus is mentioning sexual immorality. Right. Right. So it's like people can twist that and be like, well, I didn't sleep with them, so we're okay. Right? Like, I didn't sleep with them, I didn't I never got close to that. It was just the kiss, or it was just the date, it was just the DM, it was just, you know, it was it's nothing, you know. I never did anything, quote unquote. And I think, you know, this is where the other Bible verse comes to mind that I think of is like if you're looking at somebody lustfully, you're committing adultery, you know, and it's like whatever is brewing in your heart to turn away from your spouse and towards someone else who is not your spouse, who did not make the covenants, then it leads to the same adultery, and adultery is hated on because it breeds all of that sin that you just mentioned. So for clarity, it's all of it. It's all of it. It's if your heart is turning away from your spouse towards someone else. If you are longing for someone else, if you are desiring someone else in your heart, it's going to breathe that adulterous spirit. It's going to breathe that adulterous mindset and those motives, and then the temptation. Like now the enemy knows, like, oh, this is this is what I'm gonna tap on. This is what I'm gonna press on. And then he just he breathes in there. And I think um it it goes back to it goes back to the covenant, it it really does. It goes back to the vows that we made. I I think people really don't take the vow seriously. And when times get tough and when things start happening and it gets hard, you know, I don't believe that they believe they are strong enough to endure those hardships.

Kyle Almodovar: 13:24

It's become so traditional for the vows. The vows are just part of the trade.

Selina Almodovar: 13:28

It gets so it gets so easy to just tap out and be like, I'm done, or I don't need to do this. Like, I don't, I don't have to, I don't have to go through this. I don't need to put, I don't need, I don't have to do this. I don't need to put energy towards this. I could just walk away. I'm better than that, I'm higher than that, I could just walk away from this situation. And they don't realistically understand, like, no, you took a vow with God and with this person for better or worse, sickness or health, rich or poor. Like you said, in all circumstances you would be willing to do it, and they don't.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:07

Do you think it comes down to humility?

Selina Almodovar: 14:10

A lot of it comes down to humility, but then a lot of it comes from those previous relationships that sin and has already breeded, though that insecurity, that low self-worth, the selfish mindset, the I've done it before, I could do it again. Some people just get a thrill of being sneaky and not getting caught.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:29

That's messy.

Selina Almodovar: 14:30

It's super messy, but it leads to that adulterous spirit, it leads to that adulterous behavior.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:36

The reason I bring up humility is because when we're in these hardest moments of our marriage, when we're in these moments where we don't want to keep trying, where we want to just throw in a towel, I think that that humility plays a big part into solving the problem.

SPEAKER_05: 14:50

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:50

And I think in the I think we have an episode coming where we're gonna talk about that. Yeah. Getting through that humility with humility will be a big key to victory over divorce in our marriages.

Selina Almodovar: 15:03

Yes. I know in some cases with marriage, um, there is adultery that happens and the couple stays together and and God bless them, and we pray for that reconciliation and the healing and the forgiveness process. But it also says that if you can't trust that person again because this thing happened again, if you're so hurt beyond repair because this thing happened again, God says the covenant is broken. You know, the covenant is broken because you are attaching your soul and your spirit to someone else. And that covenant that you made was your vowing to cleave onto one person. And when you decided to cleave into somebody else, you completely ripped apart that cleaving, which PS, like it's not like a super glue situation where you can easily rip it off. Like cleaving is like strong mold, strong bond. Okay, you are ripping each other apart so that you can have pleasure or so that you can gain in a with someone else. You're cleaving with someone else. And so, because that rip has been so detrimental to your spirit, to your heart, to your life, to your family, to all of the things, what God has brought together, you know, that was the divorce was welcomed in that sense. So there's two more things that we need to talk about. So I want to go ahead and make sure we get through those as well. Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode. And right now, we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith playbook.

Kyle Almodovar: 16:51

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Selina Almodovar: 17:11

So grab your love by faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it. And the good news about this is that it is a living document. So you download it one time, and every single month, we are gonna be updating this document to give you fresh new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now, and let's get back into this episode. Okay, so we talked a lot about adultery and how that can create a biblical um grounds for divorce. We want to talk about two more, and of course, like I feel like this whole this whole topic itself deserves three of its own episodes.

SPEAKER_04: 17:58

Right. Right?

Selina Almodovar: 17:59

Like we could just go on and on about just we could have a whole episode on adultery. We could have a whole episode about these other two things, but real quick for the sake of time, what is the second reason why it would be biblically sound to get a divorce?

Kyle Almodovar: 18:13

I think the way it reads and the the message is abandonment.

Selina Almodovar: 18:17

Yes. We find this in the New Testament where Paul teaches, but if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. And this is basically saying, you know, any kind of abandonment from your covenant and from the marriage that you agreed to have. So what kind of what does that mean, Kyle? Like break this down. Like, what does it mean to abandon your marriage?

Kyle Almodovar: 18:44

So the church was a baby church, right? And you're getting all these new believers, new converts, and you had people who were pseudo-married, not like we think of it today, but they were they were in in covenant together, husband and and wife, and then the husband became a full unbeliever in Christ. Right? So these and so Paul was was ministering to them that hey, you're gonna take on this new belief and things are gonna change, and you might have an unbelieving partner who leaves you and says, No, this is not the way I want to follow. And that is that is the abandonment. So this unbeliever was was not willing to follow you anymore, was not willing to stay connected to you anymore. And so Paul was saying, Hey, this is gonna happen. We just have to move on with that.

Selina Almodovar: 19:26

So in today's time, what would that look like?

Kyle Almodovar: 19:29

I think in today's time this still happens, where you're you find Christ late in your marriage or in the middle of your marriage, and you want to live a a a Christ life like a Christ-like life.

SPEAKER_05: 19:41

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:42

And your partner is not willing or not ready or not understanding of who the new the new the new fill in the blank on your name person is. Not willing to accept who the new Selena is because this new Selena doesn't do what she used to do.

SPEAKER_05: 19:57

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:57

Isn't willing to watch or think or Or move like she used to move.

SPEAKER_05: 20:01

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 20:02

And so the the husband says, This isn't what who we are, this is what I signed up for, and and leaves. And and that's hard. That's not what we want. That's not how it's supposed to be. Yeah. But this still happens today in the real world. The same way it happens, the the husband will just just stop trying. Yeah. And just abandon and just, I don't want to do this anymore.

Selina Almodovar: 20:23

I was gonna say, um, that's exactly where I was going, is that it can start with abandonment where they're becoming new in Christ, yeah, and then they walk away because their partner doesn't agree to it, or it can be backwards. It could be you started in Christ and then something happens in your life where you abandon your faith. You know, maybe there was an addiction, maybe you started gambling, maybe you just read something somewhere and all of a sudden you don't believe in God anymore.

SPEAKER_04: 20:50

Wow.

Selina Almodovar: 20:51

You know, maybe you lost someone and you don't believe in God anymore because of the hurt and the pain and it caused you to feel separated from him. Your faith was so your faith, your faith was lost along the way.

Kyle Almodovar: 21:00

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 21:00

I think that kind of thing, you know, like I I mentioned addicts and I mentioned how they choose to idolize that drug or that that bottle more than they choose to honor and in and prioritize God. And so that is abandoning their faith. You're abandoning your your life, your Christ-like life, yeah, and you're leaving your spouse to pursue this addiction. To to what what is this? You know, this is not what we what we're what we were called for. This is not what God has called us to. And if you continue to turn your back towards the idols, you know, the idols, which is really what they are, right? And you abandon God, then you're abandoning your spouse at the altar as well. You're walking away from that. And so that is what that abandonment looks like in today's time. And so God says that Paul teaches that that is that is okay because you're supposed to have that peaceful life. And for somebody who has to go through that, who has to struggle with this is what it used to be, but now it's this. Now it has become this, and you're a completely different person, and I don't even know who you are anymore. And you are not the person that I married, and you're not being the the spiritual partner that I know you used to be and you once were, and it is starting to cause harm, it's starting to cause unrest in the in the marriage, then protect your peace.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:19

There's one more layer to that abandonment.

Selina Almodovar: 22:21

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:21

Is that when you bring this up to your partner, yeah, they're not willing to address it, they're not willing to improve it, they're not willing to repent and make it right. Yeah. And that's where you're abandoned. Yeah. Because they're not in improved mode, they are not in fixed mode, they're not in any kind of consideration to work together to continue your bond.

SPEAKER_05: 22:41

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:42

They have disregarded the bond.

Selina Almodovar: 22:43

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:44

And that is, I think that is the modern day what Paul is alluding to.

Selina Almodovar: 22:48

I don't know why this is coming up in my head, but there's this vision of the Lord of the Rings. Okay. Bear with me if you're not a Lord of the Rings fan, but there's a Lord of the Rings fan where Frodo has the mission to throw the ring into the volcano, into Mordor, right? And Sam is with him. So if you think about this, I'm not I'm not drawing conclusions with these actors or with the story of the characters, but I'm just saying if you have a person with a mission and a goal to destroy the evil in your in your relationship for the sake of the good of the world, and then you got your helper helping you along the way, and you finally get to Mordor, so you're ready to drop the ring. Frodo was so consumed by the ring at this point that he was willing to abandon it. He was willing to abandon the mission and walk away and be like, No, this is my ring. I'm gonna take it. You know, do you remember that? And so to me, that's the vision is like you get to the ends of the earth, and this person has been so consumed by their sin or the sin of the world that they turn completely from it and they say, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna throw that ring in. They abandoned the mission. They abandoned the mission, and so that's what causes that passage of like, okay, this is okay to get divorced and walk away from, you know. What's up, love by faith family? We want to say thank you so much for your support in watching and engaging in every single episode that we have put out thus far. We could not have made it this far without you.

Kyle Almodovar: 24:14

That's right. And we want to grow more, we want to create new resources, we want to increase our reach, and we want to provide more for you guys. But the only way to make that happen is for you to come alongside and partner with us to sow a seed into this ministry to help it grow.

Selina Almodovar: 24:29

Because at the end of the day, it's not about getting new equipment or putting out new resources, it's about expanding the kingdom, it's about creating godly marriages. And we can do that if you partner alongside us with your financial support. There's a link below that you can click on. You can contribute one time or you can partner with us on a monthly basis and help us sow a seed so that love by faith can continue to grow and reach the masses.

Kyle Almodovar: 24:57

If you want to see this ministry grow, follow the link below and thank you. We thank you for giving and for being just part of this journey with us so that together we can love by faith. Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 25:12

You said we're gonna do a joke.

Kyle Almodovar: 25:14

That's not a joke.

Selina Almodovar: 25:15

Love by faith is a joke.

Kyle Almodovar: 25:16

Love by faith, y'all is not a joke.

Selina Almodovar: 25:18

That's not our tagline.

Kyle Almodovar: 25:19

It's a catchphrase.

Selina Almodovar: 25:20

Can you please just use the link and click below and we would be grateful. In Jesus' name.

unknown: 25:27

Amen.

Selina Almodovar: 25:28

The third layer, if I can, kind of goes into this. It goes into the abandonment, it's under the abandonment umbrella, but I think it deserves its own conversation, and that is abuse. Because if you're abandoning your marriage, that abandonment could look like abuse. Yes, it could look like assault because you're not honoring your spouse. And this goes both ways. Right. This is not just man against woman. This could be women, could be physical, but it could be verbally abusing, it could be mentally abusing your spouse. Their abuse is in so many different layers. And I think a lot of people think, oh, just because I don't hit them, I'm not abusing them. I'm still in this marriage, I'm still a good person. No, you are abusing them. You are causing assault on this person mentally in their mind and in their spirit. You are crushing them from the inside out. That is not cool.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:19

Talking them down, over controlling.

Selina Almodovar: 26:21

That is not loving and honoring. That is not sacrificial love.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:24

Cheering down their character.

Selina Almodovar: 26:25

That is not what you signed up for when you were at the altar with God.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:28

No, calling them out of their name.

Selina Almodovar: 26:30

You know, over and over.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:31

That reputed over and over of you're so stupid, you're so wrong. What an idiot.

Selina Almodovar: 26:36

So fat. Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:37

It's that's abuse.

Selina Almodovar: 26:39

That's totally abuse. That's totally abuse. And so I can understand how someone could get abused, right? Or the their spouse has turned away through abandonment, and that causes them to question their faith, which then questions them to no longer believe in God because they've been in this situation. And now all of a sudden, they're the reason why they're getting divorced. I can see that.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:03

Yeah. I'm thankful that our society is so much more not holding back on this and calling a spade a spade and that this is abuse.

SPEAKER_05: 27:09

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:09

And that it's that it's known, like, hey, this is not how we're supposed to treat people.

SPEAKER_05: 27:14

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:14

Right. And then people are are more cognizant to say, hey, wait, I'm not taking this. Like, right. This is not how you're supposed to, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05: 27:22

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:22

And work towards that. Right. Work towards towards healing in that. Work towards, I don't want to be this angry that I have to resort to calling you names or have to resort to putting down your character for no reason, but to make myself feel better. And I'm I'm grateful that our society is so much more uh accountable on this. Yeah. And calling it what it is. Yeah. That it's abuse.

Selina Almodovar: 27:41

When there's a lack of respect, there's a lack of love.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:44

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 27:44

And when there's a lack of love, where's God in that?

Kyle Almodovar: 27:47

God is love.

Selina Almodovar: 27:48

You know what I mean? Where's God in that marriage? And and so we are we we wanted to share all these things with you guys because we know that it is a stigma for Christian couples to get divorced. We know this. It's it's a shameful thing. It's it's embarrassing.

Kyle Almodovar: 28:03

The statistics in the church are the same as in the world.

Selina Almodovar: 28:05

You know, and it doesn't mean that you're less of a Christian because something happened to you, because those things and that person that you married has been affected by sin and the world. Right. Okay. It doesn't make you less of a Christian if you guys part ways and then you find your godly peace and then you you regain yourself in in future seasons. Right.

Kyle Almodovar: 28:25

Godly restoration is absolutely real.

Selina Almodovar: 28:27

But God's God does not hate you. Let's be very clear. Amen. God does not hate you, He hates the act, He hates sin, He hates impurity, He hates divorce. Period. Okay. And the reasons behind it, the adultery, the abandonment, the abuse, all of it is hurting his children. And I don't know about you guys, but as a mother of three, if I see that someone hurt my child's feelings or physically hurt my child, you know, in any way, it does something to me as a parent.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:02

Brings out the mama bear.

Selina Almodovar: 29:04

You know what I'm saying? So to only imagine that magnitude in a godly perspective, right? How God feels when we are hurting each other, when he sees the enemy just tapping and offensing and throwing the missiles and just you turning us against each other, you know, thinking that he's winning, like that can only make God that much more angry and ready for the justice to come down when he is ready to come back to us. And for that reason, we have to remain hopeful and we have to remain with the peace and the love in our life as married couples because that is where Christ is. Yes. And in the future episodes, we are gonna talk about if you are on the brink of divorce, what you can do because there's still hope, there's still a chance, there's still time. That is still you know, we can still do things because now we've looked at what the Bible says. Now let's look at where you guys are at. We're gonna talk about that in the next episode. But we hope that you guys take this episode and we hope that you will again go through the scriptures, do the research, spend time in prayer, let the Holy Spirit lead you to peace. Okay, right. Peace is a person, that person is the prince of peace, Jesus Christ Himself. So if we can move ourselves in the direction of his peace, right, whether that's reconciliation or separation, let God lead you there. Not me, not him, not the counselor, not anybody else. Let the Holy Spirit lead you there. And I think that's a great way to end this episode.

Kyle Almodovar: 30:31

You nailed it, yes. Kyle, will you please pray for us, please? Absolutely, Lord. We are thankful that you are Lord of all, that that your word guides us in life, that your word guides our steps as as man and woman and in this world, Lord. You've showed us how to live a life of being faithfully wed. Your scriptures are our light. Help us today and each day to walk in that light and to embrace what you've called us to apply the scriptures as we read them and to work with other believers to just live by faith. We're grateful that you've brought us to this place, Lord. We pray for all those listening, Lord, that their marriages will be strong, that they would connect with their spouse, that they would feel your presence, Lord, that they would hold on to the hope that you are working, Lord. Pray for restoration for all those who are seeking it, Lord, for all those who are wholeheartedly praying for your restoration. We give you the glory for it all. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Selina Almodovar: 31:35

Amen. Thank you guys so much for tuning in and listening and watching Love by Faith. Please like, share, subscribe if you are watching on YouTube. If you're on a listening platform, we ask that you just go to that platform and send us a good review. Even a little five-star tap would really help us spread the word so that other couples around the world can learn to love by faith alongside you. So thank you so much for tuning in. We hope that you enjoy this. We will be back next week with another very serious episode helping you get your lives together, helping us end this year on a strong note. We hope to see you then. Take care. See you next week.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:11

Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 32:12

Love by faith, y'all.

unknown: 32:14

Kyle.

Selina Almodovar: 32:17

Always gotta throw it in there.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:18

This is my catchphrase.

Selina Almodovar: 32:20

I gotta I gotta run errands today.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:22

You gotta go?

Selina Almodovar: 32:23

Yeah, I gotta go. I gotta go.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:24

You gotta go. Where are you going?

Selina Almodovar: 32:25

I gotta go. I gotta take the dog to get groomed.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:28

Oh, the haircut for the dog.

Selina Almodovar: 32:29

I gotta run to the bank. He's alright. I gotta run to the bank.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:35

You don't look like you're in a running outfit.

Selina Almodovar: 32:36

No, I gotta put sweats on. I gotta get my sweats on. Dead Joe. Do you like that? Because I'm wearing jeans, really?

Kyle Almodovar: 32:42

Yeah, dad Joe. Wow. Because no, because you said you gotta run to the bank.

Selina Almodovar: 32:47

You know what happens every time I run errands because I do them so so rarely, I treat myself to lunch.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:53

Let's go.

Selina Almodovar: 32:54

So that means you're gonna treat me to lunch. Thank you, Kyle. You're my lunch. You're welcome.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:58

Anytime.

Selina Almodovar: 32:59

Thank you for my lunch. Okay.