DEFEATING DIVORCE: Why Do (Christian) Couples Get Divorced? | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #089

In our new series, "Defeating Divorce," we start off by asking WHY Christian couples get divorced? 

We open the season’s toughest theme with honesty and hope, asking why Christian couples still end up divorced and how to push back with faith, rhythm, and practical tools. We share our no “D-word” rule, our hardest years, and a path to rebuild identity, intimacy, and unity.

• loss of connection through selfish focus and unacknowledged effort
• boredom and busyness replacing curiosity, play and purpose
• missing spiritual foundation and misaligned expectations of leadership
• identity loss after marriage and parenting reducing clarity of needs
• practical rhythms of rest, Sabbath and boundaries during holidays
• fruit of the Spirit as lived practice, not slogan
• two perspectives—child of divorce and child of reconciliation—forming one toolkit
• encouragement, prayer and resources for couples on the brink

Order Selina’s new Christmas devotional, “Journey to the Heart of Christmas,” today!

Kev On Stage's | Safe Space | Shady Prayers Clip 

Chapters

• 0:00 Framing The Question: Why Divorce?
• 0:58 Holiday Rhythm, Rest, And Connection
• 2:07 New Devotional And Boundaries For Rest
• 4:39 Series Launch: Defeating Divorce
• 6:23 Why Christian Couples Still Divorce
• 9:01 Losing Connection And Growing Apart
• 12:44 Boredom, Busyness, And No Spiritual Core
• 15:46 Identity Loss After Marriage And Kids
• 17:12 Playbook CTA: Practical Relationship Plays
• 18:17 Our Hardest Season And No “D-Word” Rule
• 22:15 Fruit Of The Spirit Vs. Real-World Mess
• 26:20 Two Perspectives, One Unified Approach
• 29:00 Prayer For Couples And Paths Forward
• 31:00 Support CTA And Closing Banter

Transcript

Selina Almodovar: 0:00

Why do Christians get divorced?

Kyle Almodovar: 0:01

You have all the the money in the world, but if you're not putting that energy into caring for her and caring for her needs, it's gonna lead to disconnection that leads to divorce. You are not in this for us.

Selina Almodovar: 0:11

Yeah, you're in this for you.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:13

That's gonna put you towards working towards godly marriage.

Selina Almodovar: 0:16

It's not that easy. We're not perfect people.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:19

By any means.

Selina Almodovar: 0:20

But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship, and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:29

With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk to you about everything that we've been through, are going through, and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other.

Selina Almodovar: 0:42

In order to help you learn how to love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar: 0:58

Oh wow, you already started recording.

Selina Almodovar: 1:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. You gotta stay ready, Kyle. Like your quarter zip jackets. You stay ready in those.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:08

It's good to go.

Selina Almodovar: 1:09

This is like day one. You've been on quarter zips, they're finally catching up.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:12

Yeah, they don't know.

Selina Almodovar: 1:13

They didn't know. I didn't know. I did. I did.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:18

Alright. I knew. I knew.

Selina Almodovar: 1:20

You knew. How are you?

Kyle Almodovar: 1:21

I'm great, man. Praise the Lord. Healthy. We've had a great season.

Selina Almodovar: 1:24

We're entering the holiday season. We're in the holiday season.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:27

Going well. You know what we've done well this season that I appreciate. Well, and is big kudos to you is us being intentional with taking time to go slow.

Selina Almodovar: 1:36

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 1:36

And like we've I know we try and have a Sunday Sabbath, right? But there's family times and there's stuff to get together for. But we've been intentional with having that that Sunday where we do nothing. And that Sunday where we do the house stuff and get that done. And that has been a huge, huge blessing this season to stay grounded and to stay stay locked in and stay connected and not get distracted by the season.

Selina Almodovar: 1:59

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:00

It's been great. It's been so genuinely just I feel genuinely connected. Yeah in our in our family.

Selina Almodovar: 2:06

Welcome. I'm glad you said that because I actually I wrote a devotional. I made this devotional because exact. I know it's crazy. Like I was just there. You just talked about it. I wasn't expecting you to talk about it, but hey, since we're here, we're here. 21-day devotional journey to the heart of Christmas reflections to guide you back to the heart of the season. This is primarily for women, but I think uh guys can get something out of it too if they if they want. And um, it's exactly what you were saying is that God has really been showing me all 2025 year long in order to really make this work.

Kyle Almodovar: 2:43

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 2:43

In order to reach your goals and climb the mountains and really stretch yourself to break into that breakthrough you've been praying for, you really have to get into a rhythm. That's great, not just of working, but like taking care of you, taking care of your health, of your faith, yeah, of your family, of the things that is priority one, you know, you have to find the balance and the rhythm of that. And God has really been showing me that. So even now, as we are doing this podcast and we're, you know, we're focused on this stuff, I am still working in faith that the breaks when kids have Christmas break and when they have Thanksgiving break and when they have summer break, like I am gonna put a very hard stop. Yeah, you might not see it on camera because we're gonna try to get ahead of it, but there's gonna be a hard stop. And I'm not, I'm no longer gonna feel anxious about it or stressed about it. I'm no longer gonna feel like it is restricting me from climbing and moving forward because this is a rest that God has put in my rhythm in order for me to continue at the pace that He wants me to go on.

Kyle Almodovar: 3:50

And that that's that's wisdom. Applying the old lessons that you know if you get bottled up or bottlenecked into this, it's gonna create anxiety. It's gonna create uh conflict and remove your peace. And so that's it's great application of wisdom. And I we always talk about for the guys getting interested in what your lady's interested in. Well, if she picks up the book and it's you know, it seems pretty, I'm sorry, it's pretty soft, pretty feminine look there. But finding time to uh pause and connect with her through this will help. And you can phase the questions to be towards your relationship.

Selina Almodovar: 4:23

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:24

So big shout out, Selena, with your new book, new devotional.

Selina Almodovar: 4:26

Journey to the heart of Christmas, available exclusively on Amazon and paperback, hardcover and digital as well.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:32

Thanks for uh thanks for putting that out for everyone.

Selina Almodovar: 4:34

And now let's get back to our show.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:36

I think that leads us perfectly into our topic.

Selina Almodovar: 4:39

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:39

Welcome to Love by Faith Podcast, everyone. We're glad to have you. We're in season three, episode five.

Selina Almodovar: 4:46

No.

Kyle Almodovar: 4:46

Four three?

Selina Almodovar: 4:47

Are you serious?

Kyle Almodovar: 4:48

We had all November and December five. Episode five of season three. Love by Faith Podcast with Kyle and Selena. Alma Dovar. We are glad to be here with you. Glad that you guys chose to join us. Every month, we have a new series. This month series, we're talking about what was that phase? That was a scrunchy face.

Selina Almodovar: 5:06

It was a you're so bubbly right now, and our topic is so like dark.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:13

It's not dark. It could be it could be a great place for people to really connect this holiday season and definitely not a holiday. Be serious. Listen, the topic for December, we're talking about defeating divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 5:25

Defeating divorce.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:26

And that is victory. That is victory. Defeating something, it's victory.

Selina Almodovar: 5:29

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 5:30

It's crazy. I'm just not crazy, but it I was this morning. I was standing there and I was thinking through all right, we're gonna record a podcast. We're talking about defeating divorce, defeating, taking it off its feet, like taking its feet from out talk to us about defeating divorce. Yes, where you started with defeating divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 5:45

So it sounds very exciting. We're gonna defeat divorce, but as we all know, for those who are listening and watching, and you on this couch, divorce is a very tricky, dark, realistic attack of the enemy, right? Very realistic. And I know, like, we were joking, we're silly, we're having a great time because that's what we do when we get on this couch. It's love by faith, and being in love through your faith is a really good thing. And defeating divorce is possible, absolutely 100% it is possible. But in this episode, we're gonna talk about how people don't exactly get to that defeat stage. Instead, we want to talk about why divorce happens, especially in Christian relationships. Yeah, why do Christians get divorced? Because you would think if you're a Christian and you met and you guys are doing everything, and God is at the center, and this is great, and he prays, and I pray, and it's everything's gonna be great. We get the marriage, the wedding, beautiful, we're blessed, everybody's there, all the church people are there.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:47

Happily ever after.

Selina Almodovar: 6:48

Happily ever after. How do they still get divorced? You know what I mean? Yeah, and that's that's where we're taking this journey. That's where we're taking this slay. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 6:57

I mean, and the goal is to not just not just stomp and and kick down people who are who are having a hard time or in a challenging season of their marriage, but to build up and encourage the church that and give tools to work together to to strengthen your connection.

Selina Almodovar: 7:11

Remember, at the at the end of this you know, series this month, we are talking about defeating divorce, but that doesn't necessarily mean that divorce is gonna not be had because there are couples out there who are truly considering this as an option, even as you are going through the motions of the holiday season. And so we need to talk about it. And for Christians, you know, who are out there, I think it's it's really um something that we have to point out is that Christians believe that divorce is a really, really bad thing because you know the Bible says that divorce is is not good and and that's not how God intended it to be. And so when they are struggling with this topic and when they are considering it, and when this becomes their realistic choice that they have to make in order for the sake of themselves and families, we'll we'll talk about more about that later. But then all of a sudden now they feel like they're doing Christianity the wrong way because they had to go at it this route. And so we want this series to be loving. Absolutely, we don't want it to be condemning, uplifting, we want it to be uplifting, we want it to be encouraging, empowering. We want uh the couples who are on the brink of it to know that hey, we still have time, you're not alone, and faith is still there and God is still there, and we can see what we can do to help you, you know, steer back towards reconciliation and loving by faith and and trying to make it work. And for those of people who decide like it's just not working, you know, and and there are biblical reasons why people would get divorced. And so we want to talk about all of this this month. Yeah, we want to share all of these things, but I think today it would be a really good time to talk about what are some of the biggest reasons why Christian couples get divorced.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:00

I'll start with one. Okay, I'll start with with the loss of connection, the the growing apart, the growing in different interests and growing just diverging in how how you're want to live your life. Okay. With that, when you hear that, what is the women's side of the struggle there?

Selina Almodovar: 9:18

I can't speak for everyone, obviously. I think when people get married, when women get married, they they really hold on to that oneness.

Kyle Almodovar: 9:27

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 9:28

Like now it's uh we're one. Okay. And so if a woman or a man all of a sudden thinks only about themselves, it becomes a selfish intention to grow, a selfish motive to to serve in the church, selfish because they're only thinking about their needs, selfish because they're only um mindful of their circle, their friends, their family. And you kind of leave behind that partner that you agree to be one with. I think that causes a great disconnect because they feel abandoned and rejected and like the carpet was pulled from underneath them, and they start to feel like you are not in this for us. Yeah, you're in this for you. Therefore, I'm either going to think about me and go my way, yeah, or I'm going to, you know, beg and plea and nag and and and moan and groan and lament that you are not doing it the way you agreed to, which will also lead to conflict.

Kyle Almodovar: 10:27

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 10:28

So it gets to the point where you know you're gonna try to fight to to bring it back to two, to to becoming one, yeah, or you're gonna say, I give up, I'm he's not thinking about me, she's not thinking about me, so I have to think about myself. And so then I become selfish in the process of it, and then you have two selfish people living under the same household expecting oneness to occur and it does not.

Kyle Almodovar: 10:50

Just expecting it to just poof come out of thin air and and arrive when neither of them are focusing on on merging.

Selina Almodovar: 10:57

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 10:58

And I I see I see that great. And from from the guy's perspective, I would say that that that connection loss happens. It's it's kind of two sides to the same coin. The one side of the coin is that that he tries to connect with her, and she's in her own zone, in her own world, in her own career, and not receiving it. Yeah. And not giving in, not it's it's when he tries to set up a date and the date is not good enough for her. Or he tries to to bring her a gift and the gift is not good enough for her, or the wrong size, or whatever, because it's he's trying. Yeah. And instead of seeing that as thanks for making an effort, you know, even though you, you know, it gets shot down. Right? And the other side of that coin is that because he's tried and been shot down so many times, or tried to connect, and she's just whatever, too grumpy, too tired, too overstimulated, too, too, too far gone from trying to connect. Yeah. That he just gives up on trying because why try when every time I do try, it's wrong.

Selina Almodovar: 11:57

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 11:58

And so that lack of connection there and so the the expectation is never met, or they're just not just just the appreciation, just the the acknowledgement of the of the effort, of the energy, of the you know and this is all you this could be five years in, and then he's still trying, and she's like just not even receiving it. Yeah. You know? I would start there. How about you? Where would be the what's what's another layer to this defeating divorce? What do we have to defeat? Losing connection. What else do we have to defeat?

Selina Almodovar: 12:28

Well, I know when we were talking about this in our in our own time, planning this out, uh, we said boredom. Boredom was one of the reasons why uh couples will get divorced.

Kyle Almodovar: 12:39

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 12:40

Because they're just bored.

Kyle Almodovar: 12:41

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 12:42

They're bored, they're they're not laughing, they're not feeling attraction, they're not their life, you know. Some people are more free spirited than others.

Kyle Almodovar: 12:53

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 12:53

You know, and when they get married and now all of a sudden the the track has changed, or you can't do whatever you want, you can't go anywhere where you want. You got a bills to pay. Right. Now you got kids, and the kids are whole quote unquote holding you down and keeping you from growing and doing what you want to do. Like now all of a sudden they're bored and they're they feel stuck in a life that they did that is not giving, giving. I guess it's the best way to say it.

Kyle Almodovar: 13:20

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 13:21

Their life is not giving, and then they're they're searching to for something to fill the void instead of looking to God, and instead of looking for, you know, the spiritual intimacy that they should be getting. You know, and a lot of times, like ultimately, I would think one of the biggest reasons why people in the Christian culture get divorced, and in outside of the Christian culture, is because they don't have that firm foundation down that that rests on God as the cornerstone. They're not they're not looking towards him, they're looking for him as a way out, but they're not looking like, how can I change myself? How can I change my ways? How can I humble myself? You know, and and maybe one person is doing it more than the other, or maybe they they're going through a really hard season. Like the enemy attacks, bro. Yeah, the enemy attacks, like one foul swoop to your picture perfect marriage that puts you in a season of hardship, yeah, could have you feeling like you are lost and alone and helpless and nothing can solve it, and then that can weigh in on your marriage, and that could lead to a disconnect, and that could lead to selfish-mindedness, and that could lead to pain and offense, and all of the things that can breed from that.

Kyle Almodovar: 14:34

That spiritual unity is huge. Very, and I I think uh a lot of times I hear that they want that women want the man to be the spiritual leader, yeah. Right? Yeah, and the man wants to be the spiritual leader and is distracted by the other things in life by having to provide in the in the the worldly, pay the bills, put the food on the table, those kind of things. Yeah, and then the the last thing they have the energy for is to focus on staying connected, is to focus on pouring back into her and pouring back into the relationship, and the the kids end up being the connection, like hey, we gotta take care of these kids, we gotta go to this school event, yeah. But outside of that, they're not they're not caring for each other. Yeah, he's not seeking the her well-being, he's not seeking to to serve her and to be outside of himself, right? Yeah. So you could you have all the the money in the world, but if you're not putting that energy into caring for her and caring for her needs, it's gonna lead to disconnection that leads to divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 15:37

Without a doubt. One thing you mentioned is, you know, when you get into this marriage and and everything starts to come into play that you have to take your eyes and focus on those things. One of the other reasons why couples will get divorced is because they lose themselves.

Kyle Almodovar: 15:51

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 15:52

They lose themselves, they have no idea who they are, and therefore, if they don't know who they are, there's no direction that they can go in. Wow. I this happens a lot for women. I don't know if it happens for guys, but it happens a lot for women. Like you get married and you're now joined with this man.

Kyle Almodovar: 16:08

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 16:08

You le you leave your husband you leave your family, you cleave to the man, right? You some of you guys get your name changed, so now your whole identity has changed. Your whole identity is changed. So now you're a wife. And who you used to be as a single woman and all the things you you worked so hard to develop in your singleness. Yeah. And that identity, that that woman, that that strength, that pillar that you spent all of your life building up. Now it's not getting torn down, but it is now being reshaped into something that has to now merge and mold with this man. And so you kind of have a little bit of an identity crisis. If you become a new mom or a new parent, you know, if you become a new dad, like you're having an identity crisis because you're like, I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am this new person, but I don't even know who this person is. And that could lead to a disconnect. That could lead to suffering in the marriage.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:02

Wow.

Selina Almodovar: 17:02

Because how can you tell your spouse how to care for you and how to consider your needs when you don't even know what those are? Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode. And right now, we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith playbook.

Kyle Almodovar: 17:26

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Selina Almodovar: 17:46

So grab your love by faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it. And the good news about this is that it is a living document. So you download it one time, and every single month, we are gonna be updating this document to give you fresh new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now, and let's get back into this episode.

Kyle Almodovar: 18:17

We talked a lot about all these different symptoms of what leads to divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 18:22

We talked about the nice ones.

Kyle Almodovar: 18:24

Let's be really real with the audience. Yeah, with the listeners.

Selina Almodovar: 18:28

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar: 18:28

What was the hardest time in our marriage?

Selina Almodovar: 18:30

The whole the whole hard seasons episodes with it was just uh of four or five things that happened all at once. So it was between 2018 to 2021, I would say. Your mother passed, like my mother moved, your mother passed, we got a house, the renovation, miscarriage or infertility miscarriage. Yeah, that that whole season was was really we left the church, we came back to like all that happened in that same time frame. And it was just like it wasn't just one attack, it was a season nuclear missiles repeatedly at us that really tried to break us. Not that divorce was ever a topic for us.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:11

That's exactly where I was going with this. Yes, because through all that, one of our biggest, biggest, biggest number one rule was that we don't say the D word in our marriage. We'll say it on here because we're talking about the topic. But when we're in our space, yeah, we don't say the D word. We don't bring it in, it's not an option. It was never on the table. Yes, it was always worst case scenario, we'll lock ourselves in a room and we're not coming out till we figure it out.

Selina Almodovar: 19:36

So this happened. I remember the very first time you mentioned this was the day you proposed to me. And so for background. That's right.

Kyle Almodovar: 19:46

No, that was right. For background.

Selina Almodovar: 19:47

Okay. For background. I came from a divorced family. My my mother and my father divorced when I was eight years old. I was in the second grade. Before they got divorced, they were separated. I distinctly remember my mother moved out. There was a parental battle there of where do the kids stay? We have to go to school, we have to keep them as normal as possible. But things started to change when I was in the first grade. Okay, so this has been with me my whole life. And when Kyle proposed to me, one of the biggest fears that I had was what if it doesn't work? What if we get divorced? And I didn't tell him this upfront because I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm getting engaged. Like, this is are you sure? Like, is this the guy? And and I just felt God saying, like, do you trust me? Then take this step, you know, like trust in me. Don't trust him, trust in me.

Kyle Almodovar: 20:34

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 20:34

And and I'm leading you to this. And so I trusted God. I said yes. Big celebration. And we're in the cars because we're getting ready to like announce this to our parents. And I finally blurted it out. I said, What if we get and he stopped me? Kyle stopped me before I could even get the words out of my mouth. And he just, I don't know if you put your hand on my mouth or you put your hand on your hand on my hand, and you said, You're never allowed to say that word.

Kyle Almodovar: 21:02

I probably would not have put my hand on your mouth because I know how triggering that could be for you. But don't be right into fighting.

Selina Almodovar: 21:09

But it's like, um and that's okay. You were like, and you said it was such an authority that for me in that moment, it was my confirmation of like, okay, I can be secure in this relationship. I can be can I can be secure going into what's going to become a marriage because the authority that you had over that attack right there.

Kyle Almodovar: 21:30

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 21:30

You know, and I think for a lot of couples, divorce is an option that they keep in their back pocket. You know, they they they're like, well, if it doesn't work out, I'll just get divorced. Like it's it's an easy. It's a it's it's not it's not easy. Let me let me, I don't it's it's never easy. Divorce is never easy, but you know, it's it's one solution.

Kyle Almodovar: 21:49

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 21:50

If the problem gets too hard, if the problem gets too big. And like I said before in the past, there are biblical reasons why people would get divorced.

Kyle Almodovar: 21:59

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar: 21:59

Okay. There are ways that Moses created where, you know, God said, okay, this is okay. And there are some people out there who are in relationships who go to church every Sunday and who their character is just not who they said they were.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:15

Wow.

Selina Almodovar: 22:16

You know what I mean? And it causes the divorce. It's just people are in their own selves. People be feeling themselves a little too much. I'm look, I'm just gonna be honest. And they talk a lot of stuff, but they don't back it up with action, and their heart definitely doesn't produce the fruit that they said they would have. You know, and so it causes the divorce. And for you to and and and in those situations, I believe that sometimes those kind of people that are acting like that and are thinking like that, and they're just in their own thing, they have divorce in their back pocket because they're like, if it ever gets too bad, I could just divorce them and it'll be fine. And I'll just start over.

Kyle Almodovar: 22:56

I think when you're coming down to this point and you're feeling so I think you feel scared. I think you feel nervous about what are we doing, where is this going and why is this happening to us? Why is this happening to me? The the simple go back to is go back to the fruits of the spirit. Yeah. And everything that is in the fruit of the spirit will help your marriage to grow stronger and grow firmer and grow tighter. And if you're both committed to working towards that fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, goodness, faithfulness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. When you're working together towards those things, using those things, and and really considering that I don't care if you have to put a put a post-it note in every room with those those reminders on there, that's gonna put you towards working towards godly marriage.

Selina Almodovar: 23:44

It's not that easy.

Kyle Almodovar: 23:46

It's not that easy. Why?

Selina Almodovar: 23:47

It's not that easy. We're we're only thinking about how they're responding in the moment. We're not thinking about traumas from the past, we're not thinking about baggage that they're still carrying, we're not thinking about childhood upbringing and what they were conformed to believe as a child. We're not thinking about the world and the worldly standards, we're not thinking about influences, who are they allowing into their life to speak to them? Because for all we know, their most wisest mentor is the one encouraging the divorce because they're not exercising the fruits of the spirit. So bad counsel, bad counsel, you know. For all we know, the the temptations that we talked about in the last series. Yeah, the temptations are truly getting over them, getting the best of them. It's it's not it's not as easy it as it is to just say, look at a post-it and it says patience, and okay, I'm gonna do patience. Sometimes they're real like like I said, I believe divorce is an attack of the enemy. I believe that no person, Christian or not, wants to experience divorce. Because if that were the case, why are we spending so much money on the wedding? Like we're we're trying to make this like our happy ending, like this is the grand finale of the rest of your life. Like you're you're proud of this. And to have a divorce is humiliating. It's it's humiliating because it backs out everything that you said you would do. You made vows in front of people, there were witnesses, and you're now going back on it. And so it is humiliating. It is a shameful thing. And you know what breeds that? But the enemy. The enemy is trying to get you so that you don't form families, so you're not fruitful in multiplying, so that you do not exercise dominion over the world as God intended for us to have in the beginning. He is trying to get us at its core, he's trying to divide us and split us, he's trying to show us that love is not real. He's trying to show us that the vows don't matter. He's trying to show us that God doesn't exist because if he did, then why did this happen in the first place? The enemy is cunning and he is going at you with missiles and nukes, and he's shooting at you time and time again until you break. And I believe that the hard season that we went through, 2018 to 2021, he was shooting at us because he wanted us to go down and not come back up.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:09

He missed.

Selina Almodovar: 26:10

He wanted us to go. No, he shot, but we survived. We survived. And we have to use the rest of this series to show people how to survive those shots.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:23

That's great. Man, I feel like I'm like over here oversimplifying things, and you're like, no, it's deeper than that. Well, and I'm like, well, this is let's just use the Bible. And you're like, no, it's deeper than that. And it's great. No, it's it's real because because it shows our two dispositions.

Selina Almodovar: 26:37

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar: 26:37

I have this sunny, everything is cool. Yeah. We can figure this out. Let me put a post-it on the wall, and I'll remember. And you're just super I don't it's like you have this, uh you have a very tactical way to approach things that you need, and that's how you've you've adapted it to to live your life, to be to where you are, and it's beautiful. And our our two sides go together to mesh very well. Because my practical just just say no approach and your deep searching, longing tactical approach merge well together, and that playing off of each other as a couple is one of our strongest points that helps us defeat divorce.

Selina Almodovar: 27:21

Yes, yes, I think this is exactly why we are qualified to have this conversation because Kyle, you grew up in a house where divorce was never there, right? You never had to go through the trenches, you never had to survive in divorce. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so you're looking at it from that side, and you're looking at it from I know how I have seen and I have felt and I have experienced what it looks like when times get hard and how to walk away from it without divorce.

Kyle Almodovar: 27:52

I watched my parents fight and argue and say sorry and hug it out. You've seen that side and yeah, tell me to go play opposite side so they could you know talk and yes, and for me, process that healthier for me.

Selina Almodovar: 28:06

I am on the other side of the train tracks. I've seen the ugliness of divorce. I've had to go through the hurt and the pain. I've had to grow into that shell, you know, because that shell was the only thing that kept me safe. And I have been in the war zone, and I know those dark sides that you would never even think of because you never experienced them. I would never think of your solutions because I never experienced them. And that is why, with our two mindsets and our two points of views combined together, it makes it a perfect hybrid for us to talk about how couples can defeat divorce because we're not gonna sugarcoat this, but at the same time, practical application can actually work even when you don't think so, because all you've seen is hardship. That's why we're qualified to have this conversation, and that's why we're qualified to have relationship renovations for couples who are truly seeking it, for couples who want to, you know, dismiss divorce from their vocabulary, right? Who want to put death to the divorce and not to their marriage, as the enemy is intending.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:23

That's right.

Selina Almodovar: 29:23

You know, you know, it's like the gladiator scene where is that is that what is it?

Kyle Almodovar: 29:28

Are you not entertained?

Selina Almodovar: 29:29

Are you not entertained? Yeah, is this what you came for?

Kyle Almodovar: 29:32

Is that not why you're here?

Selina Almodovar: 29:33

Is that not why you're here? You know, and we can look at the enemy square in the eye and tell him, like, are you not entertained? Like, I'm still here. Yeah, I'm the gladiator.

Kyle Almodovar: 29:44

Okay.

Selina Almodovar: 29:45

And like we can walk away from this year, from this season, from this hardship, and we can start a whole new season on a whole totally new different perspective with a newfound love and with a newfound faith. Because that is what love by faith does.

Kyle Almodovar: 30:02

Amen. Amen.

Selina Almodovar: 30:03

What's up, love by faith family? We want to say thank you so much for your support in watching and engaging in every single episode that we have put out thus far. We could not have made it this far without you.

Kyle Almodovar: 30:14

That's right. And we want to grow more. We want to create new resources. We want to increase our reach and we want to provide more for you guys. But the only way to make that happen is for you to come alongside and partner with us to sow a seed into this ministry to help it grow.

Selina Almodovar: 30:29

Because at the end of the day, it's not about getting new equipment or putting out new resources. It's about expanding the kingdom. It's about creating godly marriages. And we can do that if you partner alongside us with your financial support. There's a link below that you can click on. You can contribute one time or you can partner with us on a monthly basis and help us sow a seed so that love by faith can continue to grow and reach the masses.

Kyle Almodovar: 30:57

If you want to see this ministry grow, follow the link below and thank you. We thank you for giving and for being just part of this journey with us.

Selina Almodovar: 31:05

So that together we can love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar: 31:08

Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 31:12

You said you weren't gonna do the joke.

Kyle Almodovar: 31:14

That's not a joke. It's a catchphrase.

Selina Almodovar: 31:20

It's not a catch- Can you please just use the link and click below and we would be grateful. In Jesus' name.

Kyle Almodovar: 31:27

Amen. Divorce doesn't have to happen. Divorce is not the only way out. Divorce is not the only way through the problems. It's gonna take time. It's not gonna be easy. Like Selena said, she described it as being in the trenches. You're not gonna be in the trenches forever, but it is gonna take work. You are gonna have to dig out. You are gonna have to press in and die to yourself for the sake of the relationship, for the sake of your partner, for the sake of what God has called you to. Amen. We're here to just work through that with you, to give encouragement, to build hope, and to foster just that trust and that love that we can share from Scripture and from God and from the Holy Spirit power. Amen. We appreciate you being here. Um Selena, why don't you lead us in prayer today?

Selina Almodovar: 32:14

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar: 32:14

I feel like I prayed a whole bunch last month, and so I'll let you do that.

Selina Almodovar: 32:18

We pray together. Amen. Lord, we just lift up these couples that are listening to this podcast and watching today. We pray that you meet them where they're at. You help them in their heart with their feelings, with their thoughts, with their offenses. If they're thinking or considering, if they've been hurt by divorce, if they're struggling through these trenches, we pray that you're with them. We pray that you guide them, that you lead them out safely, swiftly, and into a place where your light shines, your love flows, forgiveness is had. We pray that you help these people and that you provide for them reconciliation or counsel or wisdom. You point them in the scriptures where they need to read so that they can be edified in their spirit and in their soul, that they could be strengthened in their marriage. We pray that as we continue in this series, that you continue to give us the words of encouragement that we can use, that people can uh be ministered to through you, and that they would find this as a silver lining to help them renovate their relationship and reconcile back to the mission that you had for them. Yes, Lord. We pray that they are protected and they are at peace in Jesus' name. Amen.

Kyle Almodovar: 33:34

Amen. Amen. Man, thank you guys for being here, for listening to our podcast. Like, share, subscribe, and five-star reviews on all the podcast platforms. We appreciate that. We appreciate your your love and your loyalty and your just your faithfulness to be in this fight with us together. Yeah. We we work hard to to keep our relationship where it is, and we pray that that you guys work hard to keep your relationship strong and tough and and just what God has called it to be. Thanks for being with us on this episode of Love by Faith. As we say at the end of every episode, love by faith. Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar: 34:11

Have a good one. We'll see you next week.

Kyle Almodovar: 34:13

That's great. It's funny. See you next week. Did you see the Kev on Stage video with the dude who was passive aggressive praying?

Selina Almodovar: 34:27

No.

Kyle Almodovar: 34:28

Oh my gosh, it's so funny. I'll describe it real quick. It's it's like it's I don't know if it's a sketch comedy, but it's hilarious. And he's Kev's pretending to be the marriage counselor. Okay. And the couple sitting on the couch, and Kev's sitting on like the host chair of the counselor.

Selina Almodovar: 34:42

I've seen this series. I don't know if it's a podcast or what, but he has multiple couples.

Kyle Almodovar: 34:46

And the the wife's in this kind of skimpy dress, and the husband's in the full suit. And she's like, Well, you know, when he prays, I kind of feels like he's just passive aggressive praying for issues. And Kev's like, Well, why don't we pray together? And and whatever the guy's name is, why don't you pray for us? Okay. And he goes into this prayer and he's like, Lord, I thank you for modesty. I thank you for giving us the gifts of of love and marriage. And it's just so funny. We'll have to find it and link it. It's funny. It's a good one. Kevin on stage is funny. Kev on stage is shout out to you, Kev. You do great, great work, mate.

Selina Almodovar: 35:23

If you want some, if you want a if you want a couple to come onto your podcast and talk, you know, just hit us up. Love by Faith Ministries.

Kyle Almodovar: 35:30

Yes. Oh man, that's great. We talked a lot today.

Selina Almodovar: 35:35

We did.

Kyle Almodovar: 35:36

I'm close to having to go.

Selina Almodovar: 35:37

No, no way. Are you serious? Are you really?

Kyle & Selina Almodovar: 35:41

No. Dang. I gotta go.

Selina Almodovar: 35:43

How are you gonna do this to me? What is that? What's that one song? Um But baby, it's cold outside.