LEGACY: Creating Lasting Family Connections | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #081

Creating last family connections requires intentionally choosing how to navigate relationships with extended family while creating meaningful traditions that will shape your children's future. In this episode, Kyle and Selina share how to create a family legacy!

• Create clear family boundaries early in marriage to establish your values and priorities
• Have honest conversations with extended family about your boundaries and expectations
• Be the bridge by making efforts to maintain family relationships despite differences
• Show up early to family gatherings and leave before things get too wild
• Create intentional traditions—weekly, monthly, and seasonal—that become memory anchors
• Be transparent with your children about your mistakes and growth
• Teach children that siblings are a team who should support each other
• Demonstrate through your actions that love conquers all difficulties
• Remember that building a legacy takes time, prayer, and persistence

We're not perfect people by any means, but by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build connections that will last for generations. Remember to check out our Love by Faith Playbook—a living document updated monthly with fresh strategies to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season.

Chapters

• 0:00 Family Legacy Introduction
• 5:43 Setting Family Boundaries
• 14:01 Bridging Family Divides
• 24:41 Creating Meaningful Traditions
• 34:12 Teaching Grace Through Transparency
• 36:39 Prayer and Episode Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. How to leave a lasting legacy with your family?

Speaker 2: 0:10

I think couples have to choose how they want this to look. I want.

Speaker 1: 0:13

Thanksgiving dinner to not end in an argument. How can we make that happen? We're not perfect people.

Speaker 2: 0:20

By any means.

Speaker 1: 0:21

But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build a friendship a relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 2: 0:30

With a keeping it real style. We're going to talk to you about everything everything that we've been through, are going through and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith.

Speaker 1: 1:00

What are you laughing at?

Speaker 2: 1:01

Because I talk too much. Yeah, you do, getting these chit chats, and I just keep going, I just never stop.

Speaker 1: 1:08

Let me explain what just happened, guys, because this happened before we hit record. So we're talking just lollygagging, just dibble-dabbling, if you will, chit-chatting, and every time I make a statement, Kyle just kind of throws me under the bus with a comeback statement and it's like why? Bro why I I didn't call for this am I hurting your feelings?

Speaker 2: 1:32

I?

Speaker 1: 1:32

just woke up. No, I'm tough. Okay, I clap back. Yes, but hopefully no doubt, see, see what I mean. You see what I mean. You're just like oh yeah, it's totally she, she knows, it's like man bro it's good that you're honest with yourself. Thank you, but you were just like cheerfully brutal with it. You're just cheerfully brutal with it and if you don't, if you're not, if you're not quick to to see it, you'll miss it am I passive aggressive? No, I don't, I don't know you, is it sarcastic?

Speaker 1: 2:01

should I be offended? I don't know.

Speaker 2: 2:03

Little ninja attacks. Is that how it is Something?

Speaker 3: 2:08

Under the radar. Poison dart in my neck, can't see it.

Speaker 1: 2:14

Welcome to Love by Faith everybody. We are your hosts, selena and Kyle Almodovar. If you are listening and watching for the first time, welcome. This is who we are and we're happy to have you here. Thank you for just picking us up and deciding to take a stab at it. For those of you guys who've been watching and been listening, you guys know that we're at the end of our Season 2 season.

Speaker 2: 2:39

We're in the last series, we're in the last series of the season, season 2.

Speaker 1: 2:41

So we're glad that you made it with us this far, and let's just jump right in.

Speaker 2: 2:46

Okay.

Speaker 1: 2:47

So, as you guys know or may not know, we're in a series called Legacy how you leave a lasting impression in your relationship and in the world and last week we talked a lot about friends leaving. Lasting friendships got. We got a lot of good listeners on that one. Kyle, what are your thoughts on, uh, how we left that episode with friends? Do you have any more things you want to say when it comes to friends?

Speaker 2: 3:14

I think friends have have a really special value because good friends are the, the family you choose, and so, as cliche as that sounds, it still is real that we're choosing to keep these people close and love them through thick and thin and and do life with them, and that's a huge commitment and it could be a really strong part of your legacy. And, uh, you know, I think back to my parents. They had great friends all their life, like lifelong friends, and I still, you know, even to my parents, they had great friends all their life, lifelong friends, and I still, even though my parents had moved on, still know and love and text and stay connected with that's great.

Speaker 2: 3:53

So that's a great legacy because, even though they're gone, I could still have a piece of my parents through their friends.

Speaker 1: 3:59

That's awesome. That's a beautiful bow, yeah, Wonderful bow. I remember growing up there was a saying that said you can pick your friends.

Speaker 3: 4:11

You don't even know what I'm going to say. Why are you laughing?

Speaker 2: 4:17

Keep going. I hope you see what I'm going to say.

Speaker 3: 4:21

Of course I'm going to say what you think. I'm going to say Go See what I mean, okay, say, go see what I mean. Okay, you see what I mean.

Speaker 1: 4:27

You see this right, like I didn't, you totally just said, you can pick your friends, you can pick your food on the dollar item menu, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family and that is what we're going to talk about in today's episode is how to leave a lasting legacy with your family amen, I did not think you were going to say, uh, you could pick your fast food what did you think I was going to say?

Speaker 2: 5:03

straight to the nose.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Straight to the nose I gotta off guard, got to keep you on your toes.

Speaker 2: 5:07

That's why I laugh so much. Thank you. Yes, we can't pick our family.

Speaker 1: 5:13

Okay, let's talk about our experience. The best way for us to teach you guys what we learned in our lessons and the best way to encourage you is to share our experience and to share what we learned in this category. And so Kyle, and.

Speaker 2: 5:29

I Let me ask you.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Yeah, yes.

Speaker 2: 5:33

I cut her off. You sure did I cut her off.

Speaker 1: 5:35

You sure did All right.

Speaker 2: 5:36

Sorry, go for it.

Speaker 1: 5:38

No, go for it.

Speaker 3: 5:38

Go for it Go.

Speaker 2: 5:41

When did you, Selena, start thinking about family legacy? When didena start thinking about family legacy?

Speaker 1: 5:45

when did I start thinking about family legacy? Yeah can we define family legacy before we talk about how and when, how far along I've been thinking about it. Because when you think about family, like isn't family legacy already? Like there's ancestors and generations and generations like there's already a legacy there. So valid point. Okay, so explain to me, kyle, what family legacy means to you.

Speaker 2: 6:12

When I think of family legacy, I think of, a, how we impact our children, our offspring, and then, b, how we impact our extended family through our witness for Christ and through our relationships and loving them in a godly way.

Speaker 1: 6:32

So to answer your question, when did I start thinking about family legacy?

Speaker 2: 6:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:37

I was 10 years old.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Okay, 10. 10. Like you know that for a fact.

Speaker 1: 6:41

I know this for a fact. I was 10 years old Because, yeah, my upbringing wasn't rainbows and roses, okay. And so in the midst of my upbringing, when I had down moments, I thought to myself maybe I thought it, maybe Holy Spirit put it in me, okay. But I thought to myself, one day you'll have a daughter and you get to be something different for her, oh, okay. And so I always thought of that scenario. So my parents got divorced when I was eight, and so nine was really like a year full transition. My mother got pregnant with my younger brother when I was nine. So when I was 10, my younger brother was born, we were fully divorced and life started in this whole new light. And so I was like I guess I was depressed, I guess I was hurting, obviously grieving the family life that I thought I was going to have. And so I always thought like one day I'm going to have a daughter and I will be able to give her the childhood and the life that I wanted.

Speaker 2: 7:55

Why, that's awesome.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Yeah, so 10 years old.

Speaker 2: 7:58

So you were thinking about the legacy.

Speaker 1: 8:00

Then when I got pregnant, when it became real, then I was like oh snap, because then fast forward. We got married. We met in church. Our values are different than our upbringing. We do not drink, we do not smoke, we try to keep a clean mouth. We go to church on Sundays. We value that. We value our church friends. We value reading the Bible and praying, making that an active part of our lifestyle. Not everybody in our family is similar to that.

Speaker 2: 8:35

That's okay, yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:36

And that's fine, that's totally fine. But when we first got married, there was a leave and a cleave. There was more cleaving and there was a lot of leaving, should I say?

Speaker 3: 8:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:47

There was a lot of leaving, because in all of our family engagements on both sides there was some form of things that did not align with our values, and so we felt it was best for us to really fortify what we value and fortify what is meaningful to us, and so we set we did a lot of separation in those beginning stages.

Speaker 2: 9:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:11

So when we, when I got pregnant, like go back, go back to this moment when I got pregnant and we started to have children, then the idea of like what do I want to put my like, what environments do I want to put my children in, yes, became a huge discussion serious conversation, for you know like absolutely. For example, god bless her, god rest her soul. But your mother smoked. Yeah, she smoked cigarettes. Yeah, I I had a huge problem with this.

Speaker 2: 9:39

Yeah, because I was like I don't want my children around a bunch of smoke yeah this was a huge problem yeah, yeah, we talked about it big challenge for us till her dying days like this was a huge problem yeah, especially as a newlywed couple, and for me it was so normal in my life because I'd grown up with it, I'd grown up around it and I always thought, well, it's just, you take the good with the bad with people, and that was one of those things that I just, I guess I rationalized or overlooked because it was my mom. What am I supposed to do? It's my mom, and so I just lived like that.

Speaker 1: 10:09

Yeah, it was pretty charling and so those kind of things really was a challenge.

Speaker 1: 10:17

It was a challenge because, to me, when we were early on, it made me feel like we were the ones that changed these people did not. So, therefore, if we want to be with them, we have to conform to their lifestyle and their environment, not to say that we have to pick up a cigarette and we have to pick up a beer, but we have to go into their environment. Environment, which means we're conforming to them. I was really struggling with this because I felt like I don't want to come into agreement with this yeah I don't want to come into like then we would.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Then there was a season where we were like well, let's invite them to our space, let's let's invite them there. And there were people who were very uncomfortable with that as well. They felt like they were in trouble if they cussed and it's just like no. So there was a lot of back and forth that we had to figure out for the sake of our children and for the sake of us having family around.

Speaker 2: 11:13

And we could keep the. I mean keeping on the topic of, like, my mom had a hard time coming over to visit and we had to figure out, like, how we were going to communicate that to her, how we were going to uh, approach it. If you know, if she was I don't want to say rebellious, but she was like no, this isn't gonna work, or something you know and like. And so we had to strategize and prioritize our family values so that our family could have the peace that we wanted. Like and as a as the guy, I had to really battle because you were asking me to, we were, we were.

Speaker 2: 11:48

We as a couple were asking me as the leader, as the husband, as the one whose family member to go out on a limb and challenge her challenge my mom on something I never challenged her on, and so this was a huge part of the leave and cleave for me was really like I have to prioritize you and prioritize this family legacy over my parents' family legacy of being respectful and respecting their decisions by not questioning them. That's good, and so that was a huge step for me as a man to really understand what my legacy was going to be, yeah, and to to model it for the kids right to show as your man.

Speaker 2: 12:30

Yeah, I'm going to 100. Be on board. Yeah, for this team yeah you know, and that's, that's a challenge and it takes different shapes for other couples, like like what you know, sunday dinner, yeah, was a huge one for my family.

Speaker 1: 12:45

Growing up like we would always have the dinner we would always go to.

Speaker 2: 12:48

Well, it's like dinner, but I say it's a dinner, but it was more like brunch okay at the church we'd go over to my great-grandmother's. Everybody would eat and be together and it would be, you know, something that we right now I would say we wouldn't go to, we wouldn't do? We wouldn't go there yeah, we wouldn't do, we wouldn't go there yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:06

But as we established our boundaries, I think young in our marriage, people respected them more and met us in the middle. Yes, I'm grateful, so grateful that our family met us in the middle on that and accepted it yeah, accepted it. And so by having that courageous first year-ish, we were able to have a more enjoyable family life years into it.

Speaker 1: 13:31

So another challenge that I can recall is you know, I think you and I both grew up the same, in the sense that we were always around a lot of uncles, a lot of aunts, a lot of cousins.

Speaker 1: 13:47

We were constantly in this village of family and I think honestly it's because there's matriarchs in our family and then once the matriarchs kind of passed away, people don't do it as much. They don't do it as much anymore as it used to be. And one of the challenges is you know, when you have kids, you expect people to want to come and visit the kids. You expect people to want to consider the kids, love on the kids, because you love your kids and you're just like they love me, so therefore they should love my offspring and not all of your family are like that. You know, when your, when your mother passed, for example, there was a period where your father was grieving and he wasn't really trying to come over to see children.

Speaker 2: 14:35

No, he was trying to figure himself out.

Speaker 1: 14:36

You know, and same thing like with my father, like he's not the one who will necessarily come and visit our kids on a regular basis. And so there are families out there who have parents, who have grandparents, and I mean I want to say this is even a generational thing, where the boomer grandparents are less likely to be like their parents inviting and coming and just spending time and being connected with their grandchildren and with their, you know, great niece or great nephew, and there's kind of that gap. And so in the beginning we were I don't know we were taken back or I know I was. There was a fence in there at some point because it's like how come you don't want to see my kids, you don't even care about my kids?

Speaker 1: 15:22

You don't even know, my kids, you know.

Speaker 1: 15:24

And so we, we were either stuck in that offense and we caused this drip to continue on, or, I think in 20, when we started going back to church after COVID, we finally made the decision of like we don't want our kids to not know their grandparents, don't want our kids to not know their grandparents, we don't want our kids to not know this extended family.

Speaker 1: 15:48

And so we decided to make an effort to like we're just going to bring them to them. If things get out of hand we're going to leave, but we're going to at least create a bridge for that, so that that could take place. And it has helped. I think the more that they get to know our kids, the more they love our kids and they see our kids and it creates a thing. But there's a lot of pressure for families who are have the disconnect, who feel like they are obligated to be the bridge in addition to being there for their children, and there's a lot like there's nothing happening on the other side of that bridge, like you're either going to make the effort or you're not, and that's very frustrating sometimes it's draining it's straining yes, yeah, man it.

Speaker 2: 16:34

As a parent it does. I't say it leaves you feeling rejected, but it makes you feel like if they don't value to take a step forward, why should I value taking a step forward? Exactly, you know.

Speaker 1: 16:45

Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode, and right now we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith Playbook.

Speaker 2: 17:01

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Speaker 1: 17:22

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Speaker 2: 17:52

And so we came to this place where, like you said, after COVID, we were like we don't want this like this. We established our vision as a family of what our family values were, and our family values were to connect with our family, not just go two or three times a year to these family functions, but really connect, really be there on just random weeks, like the after church brunch that I talked about before, be at those kind of things. And we chose to be there regardless. We chose to be there to to like, teach our children how to work through it, that it's okay to be there and not be in the mix of of the negative things you know, and so the turning point for us came when we made that choice.

Speaker 2: 18:39

I think couples have to choose how they want this to look. We had a heart-to-heart where we made a vision of how we wanted our family life to be.

Speaker 3: 18:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:50

And then we went after it, right, and so, like a lot of times, I think people just let it come to them. I think that's the mistake they make is like we'll just figure this out as it comes.

Speaker 3: 18:59

Right and they're not intentional. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:02

And I think that's one of your strengths. And one of the things that we have in common are we have where we're opposite. In so many ways we are very common in our intentionality.

Speaker 3: 19:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Like to think through it before we just start doing stuff right, like we count the cost, and I think that that we had a moment where we counted the cost of family and not participating in family and deciding to participate, yeah, where it made us move forward yes, I have two things.

Speaker 1: 19:31

The the first thing is and then we can can move on from this and kind of gear into more of the immediate family. But the first thing I want to say is, a long time ago I heard an interview from Denzel Washington, okay, and he said that's a bad example, okay.

Speaker 2: 19:49

It's a bad example. King Kong, you got nothing on me, no.

Speaker 1: 19:53

I wasn't going to say that that's a good movie. I was going to say he leaves before the devil comes.

Speaker 2: 19:59

Okay.

Speaker 1: 19:59

Okay, and so for our family who enjoys a beverage, you know, and who enjoy a little more, you know, smoking and hanging out and more of that kind of side, that lively side what we do is we make sure that we show up on time, show up on time to the event and then you can leave a little earlier before things get crazy and wild. And that's something that we have decided, have chosen to do. We show up early so that we're there, so that our kids can enjoy it, and then we kind of leave before it gets too late or even before they're. You know, one of the reasons why people choose not to do these events is because their children are tired, they're over-tired.

Speaker 1: 20:41

They're overstimulated, they don't want to be around a bunch of people and so, like, that leaves a strain and so we leave in a time that suits us, which also happens to be a time when things get a little more chillaxed and relaxed in that other sense that we don't highly value.

Speaker 1: 20:58

And oh, the second thing I wanted to say is we were also very open and honest with our family about what we like and don't like. Sometimes people just stop inviting you because your values are different and they don't want to feel uncomfortable. They think that a lot of the times, people who are not following in their faith as strongly as you might be might look at you and think that you're judging them and so they get uncomfortable and so they don't invite you, they don't include you, because they feel like I want to be my whole self, I want to drink, I want to smoke, I want to cuss and I don't want to have to conform myself because you're around, right, and vice versa. Christian families might be like I don't want to bring Uncle Larry around because he's going to drink, he's going to burp, he's going to make a mess, he's going to sleep on my couch, he's going to snore, he's going to stink, he's going to keep smoking.

Speaker 1: 21:53

I don't want him around, so we're not going to invite him.

Speaker 3: 21:55

Right.

Speaker 1: 21:55

And so you're left with this judgment of like I choose not to invite these people because I want things to be easier on my end. And something that we did was we got very real and we were like listen, this is one of the reasons why we think we don't want to come because of A, b and C and they're like, okay, well, it's not going to be like that. And you know, we came to an agreement and we were very real and had real conversations, not just with each other and our intentions but with our family of like this is what we don't want. Yeah, we don't want it to be like this.

Speaker 2: 22:29

That's real.

Speaker 1: 22:34

You know, and we having those conversations. I know not everybody can have those conversations because everybody is different and sometimes people can't communicate. It takes time for that relationship to be there yes, exactly, and to be open and transparent and to to know that you're saying it in love and to know that you're saying it in a nonjudgmental way, but you're just using this conversation as a way of like I want this to exist for my family, Right? I want us to be close.

Speaker 2: 23:03

I want to participate, I want.

Speaker 1: 23:04

Christmas to feel like it used to when we were kids growing up. I want Thanksgiving dinner to not end in an argument and to not end in a fighting match. I want us to have a good way. How can we make that happen? And if they cannot conform to a compromising situation, then you know like, okay, we tried, like it is what it is, because it's not always going to end in roses and rainbows. Which leads me to the immediate family. You know things that we do with just our children to leave a lasting legacy.

Speaker 1: 23:41

I know my childhood and the childhood that I am trying to provide for my children are vastly different. My kids do a lot more things and I go out of my way a lot for the children, and that wasn't always what I was brought up with, but because I was like, what do I want to have? I always think forward. If my children are adults, how do I want them to react to us? I want them to come over all the time. I tell everybody about this, about my grandmaster plan. I've been plotting this for years. I'm in. I'm in the ninth year. Our son just turned nine last week.

Speaker 1: 24:20

I'm in the ninth year of this grandmaster plan, and the grandmaster plan is I'm going to learn how to cook better than anyone else that my children will ever encounter, so that they always come back home for the holidays, because they always want mom's cooking. And so I've been doing this. I've been plotting it. I want them to meet every girl and be like it's not as good as mom's. I will say this. I am not ashamed of it, but this is something that I think of is, when my kids get older, what kind of relationship do we want? What kind of lasting memories do we want? And then, how do we get that starting today?

Speaker 2: 24:57

Before I carry on that, I want to ask a question about this. Okay, so when they meet their one and they're like oh, I love her no matter what, and this is my. I want to marry her.

Speaker 3: 25:08

Yes.

Speaker 2: 25:09

And they get married? Yes, will you teach her how to cook your stuff? Yes will you teach her how to cook your stuff?

Speaker 1: 25:19

it depends on who this woman is no, it's the one he's. They've decided to marry I will teach her married. I will, okay. There's a secret. I know italians do this for a fact. There are some puerto ricans who do this, maybe all everyone does. Let me know if this is something that happens okay you will teach them everything.

Speaker 1: 25:38

You will teach them the technique, you will teach them the temperature, you'll give them the recipe, but you will leave out that one ingredient, so that it's never as good as yours, and you're not going to tell them what ingredient it is. You're gonna have to figure it out. I would. I'll probably do that because you've got to come back to me. You're going to come back to me. They're going to taste it and they're like, oh, it's so close, it's like it's right there. I don't know what it is, it's just okay, it's right there thank you very much for sharing that.

Speaker 2: 26:04

I will. I will.

Speaker 1: 26:05

I will teach my children, yeah the secrets okay and it's up to them to share it or bottle it up okay and sell it yeah but I for them. I have to see where their heart is. Are you trying to steal my kid from me? Are you trying to renew me?

Speaker 2: 26:28

We have to teach them to leave and cleave. I understand we are trying to kick them out of the nest.

Speaker 1: 26:32

I'm just sharing my mother heart.

Speaker 2: 26:34

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:35

I want them to leave. I want them to be independent. I want them to love wholeheartedly. I want them to leave. I want them to be independent, I want them to love wholeheartedly. I want them to love by faith, yeah Right, but I also don't want to be forgotten as a parent, and that is a real life concern that I think all parents have, because think about, think about the grandparent situation. Oh, you don't come and visit me anymore. Like they seriously get alone.

Speaker 1: 27:00

They get depressed and then they just are like okay, well, this is how I end. Like how do you go from having everyone come to your house after church every Sunday to now, all of a sudden, they're too busy, they're too consumed, they have all the recipes they need, they're going to do their own thing. It's now an inconvenience to come and visit grandma. Like this is real legacy. And then you and then they just walk away. Like how do we keep people, how do we keep our family from doing that?

Speaker 2: 27:30

So it's to keep our family from falling away, we have to keep going and keep showing up, and so we have to keep being intentional. I think one of the great things that we're doing to be intentional, to keep our kids close and to make that love deep and to make that connection deep is we have so many traditions.

Speaker 3: 27:47

John to John, so many traditions.

Speaker 2: 27:50

Monthly, weekly, seasonally.

Speaker 1: 27:52

We do.

Speaker 2: 27:54

You're really intentional?

Speaker 1: 27:55

with Very into traditions.

Speaker 2: 27:57

Creating traditions and creating moments in our family, like the paper chains. You used to do paper chains for every birthday.

Speaker 1: 28:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:07

And the foods that only come out during certain seasons, so that it's like, oh, this is so good right now the cultural I do the cultural celebrations of every culture. And then the summer adventures. Like you, you have some awesome summer adventures that are just this is what we do in the summer, and one that we brought that I brought from my family was the father's day camping trip. Like no matter what, on father's day we go camping yeah and so those moments help build into the family legacy of memories of spending time together in a real, valuable, genuine way.

Speaker 2: 28:42

They don't happen by accident. Right Before we had kids, we talked about them.

Speaker 3: 28:46

Yes.

Speaker 2: 28:47

And we planned them and we went camping and we really practiced it so that when it came with the kids we did it.

Speaker 1: 28:55

We have changed diapers in tents, diapers in tents and we have we have um had bad traditional food in seasons where we were learning how to build that tradition. Yeah, we had to learn how to do it. Sorry for you no, that's perfect.

Speaker 2: 29:10

We had to learn how to do it yeah we had to be intentional, we had to have the vision.

Speaker 1: 29:15

We had to learn how to do it and not be afraid if it messes up the first couple of hundred times yes, and not be afraid if it messes up.

Speaker 2: 29:22

Not be afraid to say, hey, that was the wrong move. We shouldn't have missed that celebration, right? Because? Moving forward worried, right, right like. And now we use those celebrations as teaching moments like hey look, this is what happens, yeah, this is how you speak up and hey, this is when we're going to choose to leave, right, mm-hmm. And so it's part of the legacy has been to do this and to do it wrong and to mess it up, but still try again and get better and show the kids, showing the kids.

Speaker 2: 29:56

That we can do this and we can be wrong.

Speaker 1: 29:58

Yes, we're so transparent with our kids and admitting like I screwed that up I shouldn't have handled it that way. We always talk to our kids about our mistakes and how we're not perfect and how we get it wrong and how we're trying to get it right. We always explain to them our progress and how we are works in progress progress and how we are works in progress, like we're very open and honest about where we are as adults and as humans and just as parents and trying to figure it all out.

Speaker 1: 30:29

And they it's just unbelievable at this point in their lives, you know, right now they're nine, seven and four. At this point in their lives, they the amount of grace that is instilled in them because we show them that side of us, because we don't tell them, you know, this is grown folks business and keep out and stay away Like and you don't need to know all that and you don't need to question what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 30:55

You know we, you know it's. It's just so amazing, Like even with Jubilee, you know I'll have. We go on family trips now and I have meltdowns because I'm a mom, I have past anger issues. I'm stressed, I'm hormonal. I talk about it in all of the episodes before this.

Speaker 2: 31:11

You're as transparent with the podcast as you are with the kids Exactly.

Speaker 1: 31:15

And so in my moments you know I am getting better at them, but they still come. So in my moments I and I have this meltdown. And then, you know, five seconds later I try to come back and I'm like guys, this is what happened and this is you know where I'm at and this is what I delicately, and she'll just be like, oh, mom, you just have to take a deep breath. Don't worry, mom, I love you when you get it right and I love you when you get it wrong, it's okay. And then, like, william will come and rat, like they'll just all come rally around and it's like, wow, this is the fruit of being transparent and being open and being connected to your children and making these moments and being intentional and showing them like this is what it's all about and this is how you love your family.

Speaker 2: 32:09

And taking those seasons to get it wrong and build up and to get to this point is huge, being willing to screw it up and to fix it.

Speaker 1: 32:22

It's a huge part of family legacy, I think, and letting them know that love is what conquers all yeah, you know yeah, we're going out of our way and we're being uncomfortable and we're making that 45 minute trip to visit family because we love them and because they love us and because we want them to be in our life.

Speaker 1: 32:40

yeah, you're arguing with your sibling and you guys are squabbling and you don't like each other right now. You better turn around and love your brother. We're going to show you that love conquers all of those things, because when you guys grow up, we don't want you guys to be distant, we don't want you to grow apart. We want you guys to know that love is what's going to bring you back together and love is what's going to make it better one of my favorite things to say to the kids you guys are a team yes, you guys got to work together and figure that out.

Speaker 2: 33:06

You guys, are you got to have each other's back? Yes, right like yes do it and and that that's clicked. You know, maybe not in the first right, it doesn't click the first time yes but it's clicked in such a way now where I see it, I I don't have to say it, I have to say it a lot less.

Speaker 1: 33:22

Yes.

Speaker 2: 33:23

And it's beautiful. I'm grateful and glory to God for all of it, because it's not on our own power. Right, it's through lots of prayer.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Right.

Speaker 2: 33:32

Lots of asking for forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 33:34

Lots of trial and error, lots of parenting woes. Yes.

Speaker 2: 33:39

And that's what I can say about family legacy.

Speaker 1: 33:43

Yes, I think so too. We talked about intentionality, we talked about love. We talked about being the bridge. We talked about communication being transparent.

Speaker 1: 33:51

And all of those things are what's going to help you build that lasting legacy, just not in your immediate family, but also in your extended family, and so we hope that you take this, you have conversations with your spouse, see what you guys can do to create a long, lasting legacy and your family circle and environment, and let us know if you have questions, let us know if you have testimonies that you want to share. We would love to share those things. Shout out to everybody who is listening. You know, I know cultures. It comes to families. So those of you guys who are listening overseas and in different countries and different areas, we just pray that this also blesses you and that you can take some of it away and just allow God to minister to you guys in this area as well.

Speaker 2: 34:37

Right, we appreciate you being here. We're not perfect people, right, as the intro says.

Speaker 1: 34:42

By any means.

Speaker 2: 34:45

But by doing things, by getting better, by trying to build a legacy, we get better at loving by faith.

Speaker 1: 34:53

Amen. Why don't we go ahead and pray out?

Speaker 2: 34:55

Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for our mistakes, for our flaws, for our weaknesses, thank you for our shortcomings. You are made strong in our weaknesses and we just pray that today, in our family and in our listeners' families, you are the light. You are the guiding light, the one that shows how to build a legacy. I pray that people are forward thinking, that people have you in mind when they plan what they want their legacy to look like. I pray that our words help encourage, build up, lord, correct if necessary, and I just pray that your Holy Spirit is flowing through all of it In Jesus's name, amen.

Speaker 3: 35:37

Amen.

Speaker 1: 35:38

Thank you guys so much for tuning in and listening and watching the Love by Faith podcast. If you are here with us on YouTube, make sure you like, share and subscribe. If you're here with us listening on Apple or Spotify or iHeartRadio or any of the other listening platforms, please give us a five-star review. Let other people know how to find us through your words so that they, too, can learn how to love by faith. Tune in. Next week we will be here for our last series of the season. Keeping it in the legacy mindset, we hope to see you there. Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 3: 36:11

Have a great day love, by faith, y'all love by faith, y'all bye that was real man.

Speaker 2: 36:21

That was real, it's. Uh, one of my challenges is talking about family without sounding judgy yes, I don't want to sound judgy yes. I love my family. They're great.

Speaker 1: 36:32

Yes, you do you are a huge family man, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 36:38

I take it seriously. I love when I catch the kids um facetiming with enchantment. Yes, I love when they're on the facetime with their amp.

Speaker 1: 36:45

It's awesome so we did that time capsule. Oh yeah, we did the the voice memo time capsule on. And the fourth of july, yeah, and did you notice that um jubilee shouted out and shannon I mean, I remembered it in the moment, but I thought it was the other kid she said I really love and shannon because she cut my hair short oh yeah, she did say that.

Speaker 1: 37:07

I remember that now jubilee only had one haircut and she will remember the haircut for life. Yeah, I need to set up a new one for her so she can before school she'll get it back to school, back to school trim.

Speaker 1: 37:16

Yeah yeah, oh that's cute, no, it's, it's great, it's great. I really love where we're at in this season with our family, all family, on either end. I love where we're at because it didn't used to be this way. Um, the communication wasn't as strong, the connection wasn't as strong and I think on both ends we've put a lot of great effort and consideration into everyone and they have been doing their part as well yeah and I think for the sake of the kids.

Speaker 1: 37:50

You know, as they get older they are um really leaning into that and really into. You know, they're no longer babies with their, with mindless thoughts. Right now they're actual children who have conversations and who have likes and dislikes, and it's they're. They're able to see their personality come out right that memory anchor is there yeah for lots of family yeah that's great yeah okay, get out of here.

Speaker 2: 38:16

This is the post-credit scene and we're rambling yeah, not rambling, we're starting a whole post-credit scene and we're rambling. Yeah, not rambling, we're starting a whole other episode.

Speaker 1: 38:22

Are you saying I'm rambling?

Speaker 2: 38:25

Maybe Wow, no, I said we weren't rambling, okay, but we're starting a whole other episode. I got to go.

Speaker 1: 38:31

Where are you going? Where are you going at this hour?

Speaker 2: 38:34

No, I got to go, don't worry let it happen, grown folks business.

Speaker 1: 38:38

Okay, mind your business, lady, all right, good day. Nobody sees, nobody saw that let's go okay, okay.