ANXIETY: What Men and Women are Really Anxious About | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #077

Anxiety manifests differently for men and women, affecting relationships in unique ways that require understanding and patience. In this episode, Kyle and Selina talk openly about what men and women are REALLY anxious about!

• Men often experience performance-based anxiety related to success, accomplishment, and providing
• Image anxiety affects men significantly, from caring about yard appearance to comparing themselves with peers
• Overcommitment and saying yes to everything can be a sign of building male anxiety
• Women frequently describe anxiety as a "slime" that spreads and attaches to everything
• Overstimulation from managing multiple needs simultaneously creates tornado-like anxiety for many women
• Security threats (emotional, financial, relational) trigger significant anxiety responses in women
• Partners often miss that fixing individual problems doesn't stop the anxiety "tornado"
• Helping your partner slow down and reset is more effective than trying to fix specific issues
• Speaking scripture and truth over anxious situations provides powerful relief
• Understanding the root cause of anxiety requires looking beyond surface triggers

Text us your anxiety experiences or questions - we'd love to hear your story and continue this important conversation next week as we explore how to get to the root of anxiety and move through those difficult moments.

🔗 Important Links Mentioned In This Episode! 🔗

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Anxiety in Relationships
• 7:15 What Guys Get Anxious About
• 13:45 Red Flags: When Male Anxiety Shows Up
• 19:23 Female Anxiety: The Slime Effect
• 26:31 Security Threats and The Anxiety Tornado
• 32:56 How to Help: What Partners Miss

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What guys and girls worry and get anxious about.

Speaker 2: 0:03

I'm not saying this is individualized to guys, but this is how I think a lot of guys process this.

Speaker 1: 0:08

So now you're having trust issues, insecurity issues.

Speaker 2: 0:10

What do men really miss about their wife's anxiety?

Speaker 1: 0:14

If any of those things are threatened, anxiety starts to build. We're not perfect people.

Speaker 2: 0:19

By any means.

Speaker 1: 0:21

But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build a friendship, A relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time, any means, but by trusting in God we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time, with a Keeping it Real style.

Speaker 2: 0:33

We're going to talk to you about everything, everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome all, by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith. I was listening to the news this morning news update Okay it was probably on facebook or instagram or something okay, and they said that the weather we had in may was like the last couple weeks was similar average temperature to november yeah, I'm wearing my thanksgiving sweater.

Speaker 1: 1:17

Yeah, funny, you should say that. Yeah, I'm like, what am I gonna wear today? And I, it's so cold. I just want to be like cozy. I don't think a snuggie is appropriate.

Speaker 2: 1:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:28

I'm going to wear my Thanksgiving sweater.

Speaker 2: 1:30

So we're recording this the last week of May. Yeah, and it's still 45 degrees outside. It's 45 degrees. We haven't had a cold May like this in years.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Years. I don't think it was terrible. That's funny.

Speaker 2: 1:45

I have a good icebreaker, I think.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Okay, while you're looking for it, I like to look at the morning brew as the daily top news headlines of the world. Basically, I love it because it feels very millennial-led. There's a lot of little-.

Speaker 2: 2:03

It's laid back.

Speaker 1: 2:04

It's laid back. There's a lot of little it's laid back. It's a it's laid back. There's a lot of little jokes here and there, but at the same time it's non-biased. There's no kind of political standpoint to any of what they're telling you, and they just intelligent news too and they give you a lot of really great news. So I I'm we're gonna link it for you guys, in case you want some, some daily news. It's called the morning brew all right, I like that.

Speaker 1: 2:25

I look at, I browse it I think I try to see it every day yeah just to be on top of what's going on okay, ready for the icebreaker question yeah, what's one thing that makes me you me kyle irrationally anxious, but you think it's no big deal the grass, your grass, bro, you, you are. I remember we were dating okay you were dating and you were living in like this bachelor house with like a ton of guys.

Speaker 2: 2:59

Yeah, okay, it was three.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Three other guys but there was always a lot of guys there like it was just just like a bedroom house we had.

Speaker 2: 3:05

it was like an animal house out there but we would go to your house.

Speaker 1: 3:08

It wasn't like animal house, but it was a lot of guys, it was a frat house. So we I would go over and visit you and spend time with you. And one time I came and seen you this livid before. I think I get this from my dad. He was all about it.

Speaker 2: 3:30

And you were whispering.

Speaker 1: 3:32

You were so mad that you were whispering, Because when you get mad you whisper. I'm the exact opposite, which is why people think I'm crazy and have a problem. But you were whispering and you were, like you said the p word. Can I say the p word here?

Speaker 1: 3:47

pissed off yes, okay, it was like that and I was like, oh, like clutched my purses or my pearls. I was like, oh my gosh. He said the p word, like I can't believe. He said he was like they messed, they pissed me off, they, they. And I'm like, what did they do, kyle? Like I'm with you, like let's go, what is what's wrong? Like I'm ride or die, let's go.

Speaker 2: 4:08

And you were like they cut the grass too short and I'm like are you kidding me scalped it in like july august, so it was burned up on the grass are?

Speaker 1: 4:17

you kidding? I was like it's just grass, bro. So then when we bought our own house, like the where you, where the neighbor cuts, going over the line, the bat, and I'm like, do you have like the city map to show the boundaries of where the grass needs to be cut? And then like the.

Speaker 2: 4:35

I guess I asked the vulnerable question here.

Speaker 1: 4:37

Yeah are you getting mad now? Are you feeling yourself?

Speaker 2: 4:40

I'm keeping my composure, if you don't cut the grass in time.

Speaker 1: 4:43

If the grass grows too long, too fast, it's just like always about the grass, and I'm just like bro, it's just grass, it's just grass. I'm afraid to ask you the same question because I feel like you're going to pull out a scroll and it's just going to roll all the way to the ground and you're like we're going to begin at this point. Santa's list and then, 40 minutes later, like and now for our last point. So do you have something for me?

Speaker 2: 5:11

do you want to do, you want to ask this question, you want to say it in a way that will still be okay. I don't know let me think yes okay, okay, you were vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 5:21

I'm gonna going to follow your lead, I'm going to ask a question what is something that I did where you saw, where I was visibly emotional? What is something?

Speaker 2: 5:30

that you're rationally anxious about that, I think, is no big deal. Yes, I'm going to go easy. Okay, I have two that I'm thinking of.

Speaker 1: 5:39

I'm going to go with the easy one, okay, okay.

Speaker 2: 5:43

The toys in the play area.

Speaker 1: 5:44

What about them?

Speaker 2: 5:45

You're always like this play area is a mess. There's toys everywhere.

Speaker 1: 5:48

Okay, moms, if you know, you know Okay.

Speaker 2: 5:50

And I'm like it's just toys and it's the play area. They're going to pull them all out again in a little bit. And it's isolated from our I don't know our sitting areas areas. Yeah, it's like it's just the kid zone yeah, like, let them have that how they want it okay, that's fair and then our one son's desk, the artsy son with his stuff everywhere. Yes, his desk, like for me.

Speaker 2: 6:13

I'm just like let him be a creator and have a space. Okay, those are two things where I'm like, dude, you gotta settle down I.

Speaker 1: 6:18

I think both of those it's so interesting because both of those spaces to me makes me anxious, because I see it as mess and clutter, where you're seeing it as play and imagination and creativity. But because it's mess and clutter I always feel I always get this fear of like my kids are going to be raised to think that being messy and sloppy is okay, and so I get this like I don't know if I'm projecting. I'm definitely projecting this on them, but it's like you guys cannot accept that being sloppy is okay. At some point you have to clean up your mess, and so that's where that comes from.

Speaker 2: 7:00

Nice, I like it. Felina. I think that's a great ice icebreaker way to be vulnerable. I'm glad you took the leap thank you.

Speaker 1: 7:08

You went very easy on me. Thank you for your graciousness. Gracious, you are my lord.

Speaker 2: 7:15

Thank you I think it's the perfect time to drop this week's intro. Let them know what this episode's about okay, you want me to do it.

Speaker 1: 7:22

Yeah, the communication plan.

Speaker 2: 7:25

Selena drops the intro. Uh, selena does the call to action at the end.

Speaker 1: 7:28

Welcome to the Love by Faith podcast. We're Selena and Kyle Almodovar. For those of you guys who have been following us, you guys know that in the month of June, we have decided to go into a theme of anxiety. It's something that a lot of people deal with or are struggling with, and we want to go ahead and figure out how to cope with that and overcome it. And so last week we talked about how anxiety can threaten your marriage. How can it affect your marriage. This week, we're going to get a little more specific into what guys and girls worry and get anxious about.

Speaker 1: 8:02

And so that was a really good breaker because we shared both of our things. So how are we? Let's? Let? I always like to hear your side, kyle. I feel like I talk a lot. I want to hear from the guy's side first, and then we'll switch it over and do girl's side.

Speaker 2: 8:19

Okay, I think, from the guy's side I hit on it last week, our anxieties are, I think are, mostly internal based. Okay, what am I doing? What is going on with this? What is going on? How can I impact her? How can I impact this thing? Am I doing enough in this area? Am I doing enough in that area?

Speaker 1: 8:39

Would you say it's performance based?

Speaker 2: 8:41

No, Okay, no, it hits accomplishments, it hits goals, it hits um your successfulness. You know feeling your accomplishments and so, no, it's not just I say no, but then when I say it out loud, it is performance, but it's, I think, it's, I don't know. For me, talking to guys, it's more, it's performance. Okay, we're thinking about our, we're thinking about our success, we're thinking about our. Are we doing enough? Are we bringing enough to the table?

Speaker 1: 9:08

Yes.

Speaker 2: 9:10

Are we-?

Speaker 1: 9:10

Providing.

Speaker 2: 9:12

And then on the negative side, we get into the why aren't they doing more for me? We get into the selfish anxieties.

Speaker 1: 9:19

Okay.

Speaker 2: 9:19

Why don't I have any free time? Okay. Why do I have to do this with the kids? Not have any free time, okay. Why do I have to do this with the kids? You know, um, I've seen it's easy where we have a situation, like us, where we've decided the roles are, you know, he goes to work, she stays home where why do I have to come home and wash dishes?

Speaker 2: 9:35

why do I have to come home and and that's that's a long driving like I worked so hard at work to to pay the bills like?

Speaker 1: 9:42

why do I have to do any of this? Yeah, that's not my role.

Speaker 2: 9:46

No, I still want to dive deeper into what other anxieties guys have okay and then we have our, our image right.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Guys have image anxiety just like anybody, sure right, yeah, yeah you said with my grass.

Speaker 2: 9:57

It's an image anxiety. I like to present our family. It ties into your anxiety really, because I like to present our family as having it together enough to cut the grass every week so you're.

Speaker 1: 10:07

So it's an image, so you're reflecting how your grass and outdoor space looks like. To what is it a reflection of? You yourself or the whole family either way yeah I am our whole family, okay.

Speaker 2: 10:20

Our image right, okay. So yes, that matters to me. I'm not like pull every weed, pull every dandelion, but like cut and neat and trim and just.

Speaker 1: 10:29

But toy space if we have guests or visitors over is fine to just be normally toyed up.

Speaker 2: 10:37

Explain it it's the toy space it's nature I don't get mad at like the balls and the bikes and the scooters. Are you around the yard? Okay like that doesn't make me mad, like that's what it's the art for. I get mad at that see, I know that's what I'm saying. It's it's different, and so I think about anxiety and marriage, I think about um. Are we having relations enough? Okay, guys worry about that. Huge, yeah, huge, because that's a big deal to guys. Right? Are we having relations enough? Okay, I think guys worry about that.

Speaker 2: 11:01

Huge, yeah, huge, because that's a big deal to guys, right?

Speaker 1: 11:04

Are we having relations enough? Yeah, okay, I get it, I get it, I get it.

Speaker 2: 11:09

Just making sure you were there we got it. And then I think guys worry about I wouldn't say worry, but they're anxious about keeping up. That's a big one about keeping up. That's a big one. You compare yourself to your friends, you compare yourself to coworkers, you compare yourself to.

Speaker 1: 11:24

Comparison Comparison chop.

Speaker 2: 11:26

That comparison. Anxiety is huge in guys.

Speaker 1: 11:29

So explain to me when you guys feel this typically. I know you can't speak for all men, but typically. In the last episode, when we were talking about this, you said that you had more of an internal anxiety. Yeah, how does the internal anxiety then come out when all of these things are happening? How does it affect, you know, your relationship with your kids, your marriage, your job, and you know how do you know when the anxiety is rising and going in the direction where you can't control it, because we talked a lot about last week how anxiety is just one thing that spirals into this place where you're out of control.

Speaker 2: 12:08

Yeah, what it looks like when it's out of control is, I would say, overcommitting, right, trying to do everything for everyone.

Speaker 1: 12:15

Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:16

Like yeah, I'll play catch with you. Yeah, I'll cut the grass this weekend. Yeah, I'll clean up the house this weekend.

Speaker 1: 12:20

So, as a wife, if we see you keep saying yes, yes, yes, then that's like a flag of like wait, we got to check in on this guy.

Speaker 2: 12:27

Let's put a plan together that really shows where this time is going to go.

Speaker 1: 12:31

Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:34

Because I have all this, like I have to say yes to the kids to play catch, I have to say yes to myself to you have to.

Speaker 1: 12:39

That's a key word, yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:41

To fix the yard you feel like you have to Right, and so weighing and considering all these things is huge. And so the way you asked your question and so the way it shows that was with the kids, that was with internal, the way it shows in my marriage is it shows in that I think the wife's not getting enough attention right. He's not able to think about her needs because his anxiety has got him just focused on the other needs that are outside of her, just her circle, like her body, her mental, her emotional right, and I'm not saying this is individualized to guys, but this is how I think a lot of guys process this. Yeah right.

Speaker 1: 13:20

So there's a lot of guys who will. I'm just going to use the general generalize yeah, it's an experiment of you know they're scrolling too much, okay, or they're hiding in the bathroom like they got to go. Number two and they're there for hours, or that's an exaggeration but they're there for 15, 30 minutes you know, and I don't know if that's like a normal time for guys, but or maybe it's just their way of escaping from the chaos, because you know, when you come home you're stepping into a completely different environment where a wife or somebody who is a stay at home.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Mom, you know we're, we're in it we're in the trenches. We are already messy and muddy and full of the chaos, and so it's a natural environment for us. But for you guys it could come as a shock and it could be too much and it could lead to that anxiety. Or if financially you're working so hard and it's just not enough, I could see how that can become a slow form of anxiety build up in a man.

Speaker 1: 14:19

So for you guys escaping would that be considered a way of how you guys are trying to handle this anxiety, or is that something completely different?

Speaker 2: 14:27

It depends how the escape takes place.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:31

So it just it's so situational. I get home from work been a long day right I get in the door I go home to, I go in my, my bathroom, finally, where I've been away from for eight, nine, 10 hours, whatever the situation, and I sit in there and I get comfortable for 15, 20 minutes to decompress, to use the bathroom comfortably. Yeah, you know. Yeah, take my pants off, take my socks off, we got it.

Speaker 1: 14:56

That kind of thing, that kind of thing Sucks too.

Speaker 2: 14:58

Yeah, man, all day. Okay, guys, get it.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Okay.

Speaker 2: 15:05

Okay, I'd say that's to me if you're asking me. That's totally a healthy decompression. 15, 20 minutes.

Speaker 1: 15:10

So it's not a red flag. It's not a red flag, okay.

Speaker 2: 15:14

Now we're going to go hypothetical. If your guys are getting there and he's been chilling at home and all of a sudden you bring up a tough topic with him and all of a sudden he's got to poop and disappears, oh, that's a red flag, right?

Speaker 1: 15:26

okay, that's a communication, right you gotta clean the garage up, honey it's. It's come to the time where I gotta go to the bathroom again right and he's not willing to have this hard talk with you.

Speaker 2: 15:35

Yeah right, that's a communication red flag, that, hey, while he's not saying it, he's he's saying this is the wrong time. The wrong time just keeps happening to be forever. Then we got a bigger communication issue. We might need to talk with a counselor or talk with someone who can help you.

Speaker 1: 15:48

So that's the bathroom. But what about the guys who are constantly escaping on their phone and they're at the dinner table on their phone? It's movie night on their phone. Their wife's trying to talk to them on their phone. Is that a form of anxiety that they're trying to like cope with, or is that something else?

Speaker 2: 16:04

I guess it comes down to what's on the phone. If it's dead scrolling, we're talking dead scrolling. It might be a symptom of him needing some alone time, like like a retreat, a men's weekend, like a you know, a 48 hour off, like that's one of the things that we've done well to work in.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Yeah, we incorporated that. It was really good.

Speaker 2: 16:25

A mom's weekend, dad's weekend and just go and peace and retreat and reset. Yeah, he might need that If he's working on deadlines, working on Work stuff, got a tough situation outside of the home, right, and he's just trying to let it go. And so when all these things are healthy and he's just trying to let it go, and so when all these things are healthy and he's still doing it, we might get into an addiction talk, you know, is he addicted to the phone? Is he addicted to the screen time? Is he addicted to the video games? Because if you're letting those things get in the way of healthy relationships, of relationship growth, or it's damaging relationships yeah and we got to have addiction talks.

Speaker 1: 17:01

Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:01

And so that can go extreme.

Speaker 1: 17:03

So to kind of wrap up the husband male side Sure. You know, what is the thing that we could say to, I guess, really bring awareness to anxiety and men in the home.

Speaker 2: 17:17

Okay.

Speaker 1: 17:17

What can we be mindful of? What can we see?

Speaker 2: 17:21

I like to battle my anxiety when I'm dealing with these things with scripture, with speaking truth over the situations, speaking truth of the word over what I'm going through. Okay, right, replacing the doom scrolling with scripture, memorization or-.

Speaker 1: 17:39

Bringing it back to God.

Speaker 2: 17:41

Bringing it back to God. Bringing it back to God, yeah, sermons, okay Instead of listening to a lot of sermons. Yes, you know I'll go and I'll go into like, go into, like, if I'm going to scroll, I might go and I might just put in. You know, Christian relationship help.

Speaker 1: 17:54

Okay, and I'll scroll that search. So you'll intentionally scroll Fulfilling.

Speaker 2: 17:58

Yeah, so you'll intentionally scroll Fulfilling.

Speaker 1: 18:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:00

Positive things yeah Right.

Speaker 1: 18:02

Not just for entertainment or just to pass time, but that's good.

Speaker 2: 18:06

Removing that worry and speaking power and truth over it.

Speaker 1: 18:10

Amen.

Speaker 2: 18:11

And reading the word, memorizing those scriptures, so that when you're feeling attacked or you're feeling negative in your brain you could say my body's the temple of the Holy Spirit. Amen. I'm more than a conqueror. I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength and go from there.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode, and right now we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith Playbook.

Speaker 2: 18:44

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Speaker 1: 19:04

So grab your Love by Faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it, and the good news about this is that it is a living document, so you download it one time and every single month we are going to be updating this document to give you fresh, new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now and let's get back into this episode. I think that was really helpful, kyle, as we were talking about Get me off of this hot seat. I know we are. I'm transitioning, bro. I think it was really cool to see here.

Speaker 1: 19:46

You know just how the the mind of a guy works sure because we don't always know, even though we like to assume a lot of the times yeah and so that was very helpful. Thank you for all of that information. We're going to keep talking about this, you know, all month long as we go into it. So, all right, hot seat on me.

Speaker 2: 20:03

I'll warn one thing I'm one guy. Right, you're one guy. I talk to a lot of guys. Yes, we generalize a lot of things there, exactly, but the bottom line is getting it back to scripture, getting it back to finding your center of peace is how you win.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Yes, yes, okay okay sablina kyle, let me ask you this all right, oh, you got, you got notes you got notes.

Speaker 2: 20:22

Let me ask you this you got notes ready.

Speaker 1: 20:24

I got another one, wow here we go.

Speaker 2: 20:29

If your anxiety had a theme song, what would it be?

Speaker 1: 20:31

really kyle just off the top of my dome off the top of my head wrecking ball. It would be some kind of emo something something fast, loud or something soft and whiny no, it would be like um, fast paced and hard. Okay, it would be a. It would be a mix between miley cyrus wrecking ball yeah, no, give you book. Yeah, nuck, if you buck and like you panic at the disco.

Speaker 2: 21:04

Okay.

Speaker 1: 21:05

You know, and I don't even know the lyrics to all of these songs.

Speaker 2: 21:08

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:08

But just from knowing the melody and knowing, like the imagery, that is what goes on.

Speaker 2: 21:16

Those are some chaotic songs.

Speaker 1: 21:17

Very chaotic.

Speaker 2: 21:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Yes, it's very chaotic.

Speaker 2: 21:20

You use the analogy that women's minds are like spaghetti.

Speaker 1: 21:25

Yes, right, yes.

Speaker 2: 21:27

It's an old adage. Now, how does that tie into the anxiety?

Speaker 1: 21:31

Man, it's like slime, Okay, okay, like if you can imagine anxiety being slime, and then it doesn't hold its form.

Speaker 2: 21:39

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:40

It just spreads, and so the anxiety kind of just spreads and it sticks it's a tacky stick onto everything else. So my anxiety it could be triggered by this one thing, but then as I think about everything else, now I'm thinking about it in relation to that one trigger thing, and then it just kind of spreads and spreads and it's a big mess.

Speaker 2: 22:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:04

It's a big sloppy mess.

Speaker 2: 22:05

So what are the kind of things that bring you anxiety, bring women anxiety?

Speaker 1: 22:13

Me personally as a mom, as a stay-at-home wife.

Speaker 2: 22:17

Right.

Speaker 1: 22:17

Overstimulation.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Okay wife over stimulation because I'm hearing three little kids and their voices and their ups and downs and they're yelling and quarreling or they're playing really loudly. I hear TV, I hear cooking sounds because I'm trying to cook and do the things. I see the dog who wants me and I'm like I'm not your owner, leave me alone. I see all these things and I'm just so overstimulated. And then, you know, my husband comes home and you want happy attention from me. You know, rightfully so. It's your house and you want to be received in a good gesture, in a good way. And it's like I don't even have the energy, I don't even have like I'm not there but I'm trying to pull it out of me. And, yeah, like all of these things happening all at once every single day, and it starts from the school pickup line because the school pickup line is so chaotic okay and so you, you get these kids into the van and they're just everywhere and they're.

Speaker 1: 23:15

Can we play kids song?

Speaker 2: 23:16

but that's at three o'clock, so what about like?

Speaker 1: 23:19

and then okay, so it's like the slime okay so from three o'clock on yeah it's just chaos, overstimulation. Help me do this. They're not doing this tattletaling dog wants me. I'm cooking, I'm trying to clean. You didn't eat the food I just cooked. You want a snack. You're hungry, but you don't want this food. But you want the ice cream food.

Speaker 1: 23:38

Like it's just so overstimulating the sounds and the touches and just trying to put out the little fires everywhere, it just brings me so much anxiety by the end of the night. And then you're like, honey, I'm home and I'm like, oh, I don't have any strength left in me to like. But then I have to because it's not your fault, you know. So it's the expectation of like I have to be there. That's my thing. You know, not everybody's a stay-at-home mom.

Speaker 2: 24:03

Yeah, everybody's a stay-at-home mom.

Speaker 1: 24:05

That's my thing, so if you can relate to that, then we're cool. You know, we hear it. I think for women in general Okay, no-transcript Something that we've heard in many marriage books. From my experience as a relationship coach, I've found this to be true and factual among a general of women, like a whole school of women Women thrive on security in a relationship Okay, in a relationship in their life, in their well-being. When it comes to finding a partner, they're going to value security probably more than almost everything else. And so in a setting where we're married and we have a relationship, whether you have kids or not, whether you're at work or stay at home, if your security is being threatened security of wellbeing, security of your home and environment, security of your health, security of your home and environment security- of your health, security of your peace, security of any of those things, security of your emotions, any of those things, security of your safe spaces to be vulnerable and transparent.

Speaker 1: 25:14

If any of those things are threatened, anxiety starts to build, because now you're starting to second guess and overthink and worry and wonder and all of these things. Take a newly wed couple, for example. If there is a wife and the husband did something, a bonehead move right, whatever bonehead move comes to your mind, that guy did it. Okay, now she's feeling like-.

Speaker 2: 25:38

Like put 800 bucks on the credit card on some ugly rims.

Speaker 1: 25:42

Sure, sure, bonehead move. Okay, now she feels like the security of being in a mature financial situation is not threatened. Okay, the security of him doing or not respecting my financial concerns or our plan. We had a plan. Now he's not a teammate in that plan. My team is now threatened. So now anxiety comes. Did I make the wrong move? Was this a mistake? Is he going to continue to do this? Am I going to have to figure out our finances for the rest of the life? Do I need to get another job to sustain his bonehead moves thereafter? Do I need to cover myself and my background? Do I need to take care of me? Because he's not taking care of me, you know? And so, like this, anxiety starts to form and this fire and it spirals because now it's the slime.

Speaker 2: 26:36

So now you're having trust issues, now you're having, like you know, insecurity issues no-transcript because, like when, when I get home and I see that the kids are being rowdy and you're overstimulated, when times are tough and we have to make tough financial decisions, I see that that brings anxiety. When the house is a mess, I see that that brings anxiety. But like what do guys tend to miss?

Speaker 1: 27:30

I want to say that when we're in this anxiety, it's a chaotic place. Okay, right, it's very fast paced, yeah, and you can't keep up with it, yeah. And I think guys feel like they have to step in and fix things. They have to come in and just okay, what's the problem? I'm gonna fix it, because that's in your nature.

Speaker 1: 27:51

You want to just fix the problem and you want to just get it over with, but they think that by fixing the little things it's going to stop the tornado pace, like the movie Inside Out Part 2. It was a really good visual of an anxiety, panic attack Of her just at the control board and she's just going a mile a minute. And I think a lot of guys think what if I just jump into that tornado and I just try to repair this over here and I repair this over there and I repair this over here? That's cool, but you're not stopping the tornado. And I think what guys need to do and anyone who's in your circle and they see you in this state is you need to try to help them slow down the tornado. You need to help them stop the tornado and I, from my experience, the best way to do that is to help us pause and help it slow down.

Speaker 1: 28:43

You know, maybe pulling us out of the situation, maybe removing us from that environment, maybe sitting with them If they're having a panic attack and like really just sitting with them in that and you know being with them as opposed to like you're going over here, you're going over there, you go over there and I'm stuck left alone in this state. You know helping them slow and breathe and pray, like you said, and keep speaking God into that, cause God can go into a furnace, god can go into the belly of a, well, god can go into that anxiety tornado and he can calm it down and he could peace be still it, you know to its end, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 29:24

And so I think that's what guys miss. They think it's a quick fix and then I'll just fix this and it'll be over. But it's like no, you have to step into it and calm and help us slow it down.

Speaker 2: 29:38

So is that like a momentary slowing? Is that like a couple days of slowing?

Speaker 1: 29:44

It's a river.

Speaker 2: 29:45

A reset.

Speaker 1: 29:46

It's a spaghetti. It could be a bunch of little things that add up or it could be one big blow up all in its own. I honestly think it's the little things adding up At the beginning of the summer. You see me having a stressful day At the beginning of the summer. You see me having a stressful day At the end of the week. You see me exhausted After two and a half months of that. Those little flags.

Speaker 1: 30:09

It builds up and builds up If nothing is done. It's building up and building up to the point where we're having this full-blown anxiety attack. And then you're like well, what happened? It's like what do you mean? What happened? I've been telling you what's been happening for two and a half months and you haven't listened to me. And like, how do you expect me to handle this? Like nothing has been done. And so, like you have the, you have the explosion and so, knowing the little things, that's when you can come in and repair. But if the little things build up, then you have to go into the tornado because it's too much to just handle it one piece at a time. Now you have to go in and try to still it and pause it, install it so that it can. I don't know if dissipate is a word. What is the word?

Speaker 1: 30:52

Dissipate, dissipate so that it can dissipate.

Speaker 2: 30:55

So my last question in this thought line is how do we, how do we slow down the tornado?

Speaker 1: 31:03

so that is a very good cliff million dollar question.

Speaker 1: 31:06

Right it's a good cliffhanger, because it matters. What matters is that you have to understand what the root is. Okay, you have to understand what caused the anxiety in the first place. Was it really just the grass being cut so low that it burned the grass in the middle of July? Or was it the fact that maybe you communicated and expressed your concerns at the grass before and nobody listened, and now you're upset because they continue to do a repeated action that you explicitly made clear was bothering you? Now you're feeling unheard. Now you're feeling, you know, disrespected, and disrespect can go a lot farther and deeper than one inch grass. You know what I'm saying. So we have to understand the root. Is this caused by fear? Is this caused by insecurity? Is this caused by something else? And that is the episode that we're going to talk about next week. So you guys got to stay tuned to help us really understand how we can get to the bottom of anxiety and how to get through those tornadoes.

Speaker 2: 32:15

Man. This time went by so fast.

Speaker 1: 32:16

Yeah, it did, it was I mean it's a good topic. It's a really deep topic and I hope that you guys are receiving that. Yeah, it did, it was. I mean, it's a good topic. It's a really deep topic. Yeah, and I hope that you guys are receiving that.

Speaker 2: 32:23

We'll keep going. We have a couple more episodes left this month. Absolutely, and we'll get into it more. Yes, I think we can. Yes, and I'm grateful you had great stuff today, thank you.

Speaker 1: 32:36

You had great stuff. Thank you for just being so open and honest about guys. It's a wild world over there.

Speaker 2: 32:43

Listen, you think it's wild over here. You should see what the ladies world is like from the guy's perspective.

Speaker 1: 32:50

Eden, Garden of Eden. We are.

Speaker 2: 32:52

Yeah right, all right, I'm going to pray. Thank, you.

Speaker 2: 32:55

Lord, we're grateful for this time. We're grateful for this podcast, for people listening. We pray that marriages are blessed by this, that they're able to incorporate the word and speak life into their situations and to just speak your promises over themselves and over their marriages and over their relationships. I pray for wisdom and husbands and wives to see each other, see each other deeply, see each other truly, and I pray for just strong mental states for them. Yes, we give you the glory for all of it In Jesus's name, amen, amen. Amen.

Speaker 1: 33:28

Thank you guys so much for listening and watching the Love by Faith podcast. We hope that you enjoy this. If you have any questions or comments, or your own testimony about anxiety, please share it our way. There's a link to text us right in the description. You can comment on any of the videos that we have on YouTube. You can even send us a DM on Instagram and we will be able to reply to you there. If you're watching on YouTube, be sure to like, share, subscribe. If you're listening on a podcast platform, please be sure to give us a review or a five-star tap if that is the easiest way for you there we go we hope to see you guys again next week.

Speaker 2: 34:02

Love by faith y'all, faith y'all see you then good job good job man, you guys, you guys are um something else we are, we are you guys?

Speaker 1: 34:15

yeah, we all are. We came to it we all are, we're a big mess. That's why we need jesus.

Speaker 2: 34:23

That's exactly why yep, lately I've been worrying about my car because it's getting old.

Speaker 1: 34:28

Okay, I'm thinking about having to get a new one, but you keep sending me motorcycles. Which one is?

Speaker 2: 34:34

it. Listen, we're not gonna talk about that. The motorcycles are a hobby, or a hobby want? Okay, that's not, it's not.

Speaker 1: 34:44

You know, you gotta get the needs first yeah that's a want I feel like for automobiles, for me, I'm just in the minivan pound, I'm just, I'm doing time I have a sentence. I have a minivan sentence, three to five years. We got a good one though it'll be, it'll last. It'll last through that sentence, but I can't even think of like, oh, what car would I get? Like, nah, man, I'm doing that minivan life right now.

Speaker 2: 35:09

Yeah, unfortunately I think that's my like big picture worry right now yeah my car is gonna just not work soon.

Speaker 1: 35:18

Do you need a new car?

Speaker 2: 35:19

no, it's working great. It's a. It's irrational.

Speaker 1: 35:22

Okay, it's just I'm being vulnerable again no, I'm being vulnerable again about what I worry about okay, if I ever make twenty thousand dollars a month, I'm gonna buy, buy you a brand new, whatever car you want car thanks, I appreciate that I love you I love hon.

Speaker 2: 35:38

It's that time of the week I know you gotta go. I gotta go.

Speaker 1: 35:42

Goodbye, I'm not even gonna force it anymore.

Speaker 2: 35:45

I understand, I've accepted.

Speaker 1: 35:47

I've accepted the abandonment of this, of this time. I know, I know.