ANXIETY: When Anxiety Enters Your Marriage | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #076

Kyle and Selina open up about their personal experiences with anxiety in marriage, sharing how it manifested differently for each of them and revealing the spiritual dimensions of anxiety attacks.

• Anxiety often shows up during major life transitions like moving into a new home or changing cities
• Selina experienced debilitating panic attacks that prevented her from functioning normally
• Kyle internalized his anxiety, using it as motivation rather than letting it overwhelm him
• Control issues frequently trigger anxiety when life doesn't go according to plan
• Anxiety can be understood as a spiritual attack that distracts us from God's peace
• Physical intimacy problems can create significant anxiety in marriage relationships
• Supporting a partner through anxiety requires patience, presence, and understanding
• Fasting and focusing on God's words "I need you to trust me" helped overcome anxiety
• Recognizing anxiety doesn't mean weak faith, but requires refocusing on spiritual truths

Like, share, and subscribe on YouTube or your favorite podcast platforms. Please leave a five-star review telling others how Love by Faith has impacted you.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing the Anxiety Series
• 6:20 Recognizing Anxiety in Marriage
• 15:02 Internal vs External Anxiety
• 23:38 Physical Effects of Anxiety Attacks
• 28:52 Anxiety as a Spiritual Attack
• 33:59 Sharing Personal Anxiety Stories

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

We couldn't get out of the second season until we had a really good discussion on the topic of anxiety.

Speaker 2: 0:08

What am I doing wrong? That she's not, like you know, trying to connect here.

Speaker 1: 0:12

The enemy can certainly use the marriage as a distraction. I need you to trust me. We're not perfect people.

Speaker 2: 0:20

By any means.

Speaker 1: 0:21

But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to build a friendship.

Speaker 2: 0:25

A relationship.

Speaker 1: 0:27

And marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 2: 0:30

With a keeping it real style. We're going to talk to you about everything.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Everything.

Speaker 2: 0:35

That we've been through.

Speaker 1: 0:36

Are going through.

Speaker 2: 0:37

And have overcome All by learning how to lean on God and each other.

Speaker 1: 0:43

In order to help you learn how to Love by faith.

Speaker 2: 1:00

Welcome Selena.

Speaker 1: 1:01

Welcome. The fact that we are wearing sweaters in the month of June just tells you how ratchet our city is for these weather conditions.

Speaker 2: 1:10

This climate has just got to get over it and bring on summer.

Speaker 1: 1:13

You know, sometimes it gets cold because there's something happening down south. Is there something that we're not aware of?

Speaker 2: 1:20

So since my job doesn't connect with the weather like it used to, I don't even pay attention that deep.

Speaker 1: 1:25

You know, because there's a big storm. I know it's been a wet spring, but it's not the hurricane season. No, it's just straight.

Speaker 2: 1:33

It's fall, they're just being Spring transition just being weird. Yeah, nothing we can do about it.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 2: 1:39

I think that connects us good to today's topic connects us good to today's topic.

Speaker 1: 1:46

Oh, it kind of does. You're right. Yeah, that's good. Do you want to tell everybody what our new?

Speaker 2: 1:48

series is on. I thought we talked in the communication plan series last month that you were going to do the intros.

Speaker 1: 1:53

I thought I was doing the outro.

Speaker 2: 1:54

You're really good at that part.

Speaker 1: 1:56

I thought I was doing the outros Okay. Fine, I will go ahead and announce it. So welcome everybody. Welcome to Love by Faith Kyle and. Selena here we are in the month of June, though it looks like we are here in November brisk November but in the month of June we decided that we really wanted to. We couldn't get out of the second season until we had a really good discussion on the topic of anxiety, discussion on the topic of anxiety. So all month long we're going to be talking to couples about how anxiety affects their marriage Okay.

Speaker 2: 2:33

How has anxiety affected your marriage?

Speaker 1: 2:35

Oh geez.

Speaker 2: 2:36

Start small, you can start small.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Okay, here is the thing I did not realize that I had anxiety until the middle of our marriage. I did not know that that was something that I was dealing with. I didn't necessarily go to a doctor and I didn't get diagnosed and I didn't get prescribed medications. I got to a point where I could not control the anxiety anymore. Okay, and then I ended up going to counseling.

Speaker 2: 3:05

Right.

Speaker 1: 3:06

And in counseling they revealed to me like, look at all these things, yeah, it's a mess, you have anxiety and I'm like what? And they're like from your trauma. And I'm like I have trauma and they're like let's go back and run the list, and they're like buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh and I'm like, oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So once I got the clarity that I had, it then began the battle to overcome it.

Speaker 2: 3:35

Okay, wow, I think. For me coming into marriage, I did not expect anxiety to play a part For you or for In our marriage in general. Okay, I expect. I expected like we would each have worries that were like future driven worries, like worried about if we make enough money, worried about if we'd be able to buy a house, worried about if we'd be able to have kids those are pretty general worries for a newlywed really rational stuff yeah what I didn't anticipate was having to live with a partner who had anxieties like you described, and I never imagined the types of real anxieties that would happen in me.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:19

And as far as worrying about how to be the best man for you, worried about how to take care of the family the best, worried about doing all the business of marriage and getting that all done in time, what does that mean?

Speaker 2: 4:32

My chores and the stuff I have to get done around the house to keep our house balanced. Because if I don't get that done, the house is out of balance and people are worried because dad's not holding up his end of the deal or the husband's not holding up his end of the deal, or, you know, the husband's not holding up his end of the deal. You know, like we had a great, we have a great plan for what our household duties are to keep the house running smooth. And it's easy to fall off of that. For me and at the beginning of our marriage, I thought, man, it'd be easy. I'm, you know, I was in newlywed season.

Speaker 2: 5:03

I was all like Everything's so lovely and rose colored glasses right in the newlywed season no, still gotta pick up, pick up the stuff off the floor.

Speaker 2: 5:13

Still gotta do the trash. Still gotta maintain it all so that you can still have the, the peaceful moments. This you can't go on a date night and be focused and have fun if, in the back of your mind, you got all these chores going on right. You got all this chaos for lack of a better word in your house from it being a mess, and so I think that led to more anxiety in me or can lead to more anxiety in couples right.

Speaker 2: 5:40

From your perspective, how did you navigate through that, dealing with a husband who doesn't really have I don't have like outward anxieties, like I internalize a ton? Yes so I think talking to the women about how to help when he's internalizing would be a good way to talk about anxiety at first, because I think a lot of guys internalize more than externalize. So with the guys that are tending to internalize, what approach do you take? What do you?

Speaker 1: 6:09

That's very interesting, Kyle, because I don't think a lot of people I personally never saw it as two different ways to cope with with anxiety okay you know, um the internalized versus externalized.

Speaker 1: 6:28

Yeah, okay yeah, because I would say that I'm an externalized person. You know, you see the, the panic come out of me yeah you, you hear it, you, you see it in my behavior and so for. So can I ask you, like for someone who is internalizing it? So what? You're just going about pretending like it's not there, but inside you're feeling it Like. How does that explain that?

Speaker 2: 6:50

to me. So inside it's yeah, there's like I always feel like it's not unhealthy, right? Like you said, the concerns were am I going to make enough money? Am I going to be able to buy a house Like we're going to be able to have kids? I mean it going to be able to buy a house like we're going to be able to have kids. I mean it's. It's not unhealthy until it becomes unhealthy, until it becomes an obsession. So now, today, today's, those kind of thoughts for me that I think about are is my company gonna downsize or change? Is my? Am I going to be able to send my kids to this same school that we want to send them to? Yeah, forever. Am I going to be able to take care of my wife and buy the extra things, go on vacations that we want to go on? Right? So those are the kind of internalized anxieties I have right now how often do you have these internalized anxieties?

Speaker 1: 7:36

is it like every day to say it's?

Speaker 2: 7:42

no, okay, no, it would be periodically and I probably like when, when those topics come up, there is a nervousness around them, I would say nervousness, right. So, like each year, when we're doing the, the forms to sign up for the next year of school, I'm like, grateful and thanking god that we're able to do this we're there yeah but until we get there I'm like all right, I gotta do this so this can happen. I process it so that it motivates me okay to do well.

Speaker 2: 8:10

Okay, right to be top performer at work. So there's no chance, if there's downsizing, that I'm getting cut yeah right, I I think of you know I pick up overtime so that I know we have extra money here and there.

Speaker 1: 8:23

I pick up the extra hours so it's not really shutting you down, it's not causing a strain in how you live day to day I agree.

Speaker 2: 8:32

Yeah, it's not. It's. I've processed it to be a motivator okay.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So you've recognized what it is and you're like I'm going to turn this into this instead. Yeah, okay, yeah, that is not what happens to me. There's not what it used to happen to me what do you mean?

Speaker 1: 8:51

I mean what used to happen to you the the anxiety would become so loud and so big that it would disrupt me to the point where I couldn't breathe, you know, like to the point where I cannot breathe and I'm trying to and I'm freaking out because I'm like I can't breathe, you know. And so you have this attack, this anxiety, this panic attack, and you can't, I can't function. And then it because you're having a panic attack and once the panic attack kind of goes, it's kind of like fades, fades. Your body, your nervous system is so shocked that you can't do anything. And so when you have that where you're like I can't even get a sense of control of my body, how then could I ever get?

Speaker 1: 9:41

It's really hard to overcome anxiety if you don't have the right things in place, because it takes you out like that physically, and so it's like, if I can't even control myself physically, then how am I ever going to get a hold of this? How am I ever going to turn this into motivation? You know, so it was. It was really hard for me. I, I, I suffered a lot from it.

Speaker 2: 10:03

And what about? So? You've coached a lot of women, right? You've spent time talking through these things. What kind of other anxieties do you see outside of yours and mine, from others?

Speaker 1: 10:15

I don't necessarily hear anxiety come out in women that I'm coaching. More than anything it's. We get anxious because we want life to go a certain way and then we realize that it doesn't go that way, and so people get anxious because they're feeling like there's this unmet pressure to perform or to Excel and they're not reaching it. And so now they're feeling the in control parts of I'm doing everything and I can't control what's happening and it's not going the way I planned it to go, and so it kind of goes into uh, you know, break the glass box and I'm just gonna do anything and I'm just yeah, and it's just like I'm just gonna make any type of box and I'm just going to do anything Like a code red, yeah, and it's just like I'm just going to make any type of decision and I'm just going to do this, and I'm just like.

Speaker 1: 11:09

They don't wait, they're not patient, they don't seek the Lord, they're not really processing, they're not trying to understand whatever. God's way is perfect and his pace is perfect. And if we're not focused on that, if we're not focused on the higher, then and if we're only focused on what we can do, then we're always going to fall in this desperation of I can't get this to go my way.

Speaker 2: 11:31

So anxiety I mean the way you just described it is everything. That's the opposite of the fruit to the Holy spirit.

Speaker 1: 11:36

Absolutely, Of course, and that's one of the ways how I overcome, how I was able to overcome it, and back then I kept going back to I can't do this, I can't control this. One of the things that really tripped me up a lot was in being a mother and I would have the winter breaks and the summer breaks and then I couldn't. A peaceful environment the way it was when the kids were in school. It wasn't a controlled environment because there's chaos everywhere and they're always asking for snacks and there's always a mess and they're always fighting. And it got to the point where I felt like I was in this tornado or this hurricane of just chaos that I could not control, Never thinking about like I'm not supposed to control this. The Holy Spirit's supposed to come and help me control this. Let's go. I'm not supposed to control this.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Like the Holy Spirit's supposed to come and help me control this Like I'm not supposed to do it on my own, but because you're stuck in the middle of it, you're thinking only about yourself and you're thinking only about what can I do to control and manage this and how can I get it to go back to my way. And if you lose that control, you fall into the anxiety. And if you lean into that anxiety of like, oh no, I can't control this, oh no, I'm slipping, then you fall into that place where you have those attacks.

Speaker 2: 12:58

Wow, wow.

Speaker 1: 13:01

It is literally I mean honestly speaking, when I look at it hindsight 2020, because I haven't had an attack in a very long time, since I fasted for it and I haven't had an attack in a very long time since I praise the lord, since I fasted for it and I haven't had an attack since the fast of it. But if you really look at it it is, it is a spiritual attack sure anxiety is a spiritual attack against people to lose their focus on the father yes, I'm thinking through in my head like, like.

Speaker 2: 13:27

Is anxiety a sin?

Speaker 1: 13:29

Oh.

Speaker 2: 13:29

Because it's putting worry, it's trying to put us in control and it's showing a gap in our faith that God will help us through or God will get us through, or God is in control of the situation. Because so much of what you're saying about anxiety revolves around control, and who's in control is God. Who's in control is the Holy Spirit. So you know the word says be anxious for nothing, but that doesn't say anxiety is a sin, right.

Speaker 1: 13:59

Right. And so you know, I think of Peter walking on water. I'm sure he was anxious when he was sinking.

Speaker 2: 14:05

Right.

Speaker 1: 14:05

I'm sure he was anxious when he saw the storm.

Speaker 2: 14:08

And so it comes down to control and it does and faith I don't.

Speaker 1: 14:14

It's an interesting way to put it. Um, there are faithful people who have anxiety and there are faithful people who have depression I know you're faithful, you know, I know yeah and I, honestly, I think it's just an attack.

Speaker 1: 14:25

I don't think it's. I think it's just an attack. I don't think it's. I think it's because maybe it's because of your faith that you get attacked, you know, but I don't think it is, it's just.

Speaker 1: 14:35

Here's the way I have broken it down. Here's the way I have broken it down is, you have faith, but your mind is not set on the things above. You know, the Bible tells us focus on the things that are just, the things that are lovely, the things that are pure, the things that are holy, and if we remove our mind, or if we take our mind off of those things, then we start to focus on the other things, which is not those things, it's the opposite of those things, and so, therefore, you kind of just lose sight. I don't think it's a matter of how strong your faith is. I think it's going to be an attack on anyone, whether you're a pastor, whether you're walking into church for the first time, or whether you've never stepped foot in church and you're only hearing about Jesus as this cool guy and you know he's a cool dude, I rock him.

Speaker 1: 15:26

You know, and I feel like the enemy is going to use that, because they can see the cracks in our flesh, they could see the insecurities, they could see what we are most likely to slip and fall on. And for people who like security, who gain security in control. I like things to be a certain way. I see myself with this timeline. I have my vision for it. I envision it going this way.

Speaker 1: 15:54

The enemy can see what you're doing and he could probably use that as an attack to be like you're not in control of this. I'm going to, I'm going to give you a flat tire. You know, I'm going to, I'm going to make your refrigerator go die. Not to say that the devil's doing that and he's all about killing our appliances, but you see what I'm saying? Like he can use these ways and just whisper in our ears of like look at, you don't have control. Look at, you'll never get control. Look at you don't know how to handle yourself. Look at you, you're not even good enough to take control, take the reins of this thing, this thing. Like, look at you, you're falling apart, you're a mess. You're messy and he'll start playing this in your head to the point where you start to believe it.

Speaker 1: 16:34

It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have faith. It's just what the attacks are is a little bit louder than the whispers of God. I wouldn't necessarily say it's a faith thing, but it's certainly a distraction and I think there's a lot of distractions that the enemy you know. I was talking about appliances and stuff, but the enemy can certainly use the marriage as a distraction of like you just get married. You're not in the house that you wanted, like you were saying the bills, job situations. Now you're in ministry. Ministry is distracting you because you're not pouring into your spouse the way you're pouring into all of these ministries that you're a part of.

Speaker 1: 17:12

The cleaving part and the leaving of family and the making space for just each other and not so much friend time or everybody else's time all of those things can lead to anxiety. When you have a conflict the very first time. You have a really hard conflict in your marriage when you're first married, that could lead to anxiety of like, oh no, I thought we were good, but now we have this issue, what are we? And the enemy could totally use that and be like you see, you guys weren't meant to be married in the first place. You see, everything falls apart when you get married. See, this is why you're not supposed to do this in the first place. Like this is. You know, he's not the person he said he was. Now you're stuck. Now you're married.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Now you guys are with each other forever and then you're spiraling now you're starting to spiral right, because these attacks start to get louder and louder in your head because he didn't make the bed right exactly seriously. No, it's like that. It's like the littlest thing the enemy will use as a way to distract you, because he knows that you thrive off of this sense of security, that things need to be in control.

Speaker 2: 18:15

So he's there to steal, kill, destroy.

Speaker 1: 18:18

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 18:18

Steal your peace, yeah. Steal your security yeah. Steal your joy, yeah, right, yeah. Kill your connection, kill your romantic vibes, kill your fill in the blank, oh absolutely, oh, and the marriage bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:33

So much anxiety comes from the marriage. Bad.

Speaker 2: 18:35

Ooh.

Speaker 1: 18:35

Think about it that is the one place where you're supposed to be intimate with your partner.

Speaker 2: 18:40

Okay, one-on-one, no one else Right?

Speaker 1: 18:42

Right, like you and them, and it's like you can be intimate in all of the other areas. You can be emotionally intimate, spiritually intimate, and then, once you get married, that's supposed to be the frosting, the physical intimacy. If there is a problem there, for whatever your problems are, because we all have some kind of issue that we got to work through at some point in that bed area yeah, in that bed area.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Yeah, if that is the thing, that's like embarrassing or brings shame or brings discomfort or brings fear or brings doubt, then the enemy will use that and then that will build anxiety because it's like. I know I have to do this, I know he wants it, I know she's not responding to me. I know she's not responding to me. I know she's not flirting with me. I know she's not desiring me Like that causes anxiety.

Speaker 2: 19:32

Right, yeah, no, absolutely it does cause anxiety.

Speaker 1: 19:35

It causes a lot.

Speaker 2: 19:37

We're never going to get in bed again.

Speaker 1: 19:38

Right. And then how does that evolve and ripple into your marriage?

Speaker 2: 19:44

Absolutely. Now he's insecure Because, like, what am I doing wrong that you don't want me? I'm going to the gym. What is what am I doing wrong that she's not, like you know, trying to connect here. I'm gonna go see connection somewhere else. You're right and you know it's. That's real man yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 20:04

so it's all of the things my I want to ask you because I did have panic attacks. I had a lot of panic attacks and to the point where you would try to console me, partner, you know, if your husband's the one to have an anxiety attacks, how did you, as a partner, feel in that space when I was going through, when I was experiencing major anxiety?

Speaker 2: 20:41

Honest answer. Yes, I was kind of mad. Okay why? Because the first time I remember you having anxiety I'm sorry, I'll take that back. The first time I remember you having anxiety was when we moved into our new house, when we were newlyweds.

Speaker 1: 20:57

Okay, the day you moved in there, so you don't count us getting engaged as a panic attack you do, and so I can't discredit that.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Okay, but in my mind it didn't seem like that okay, it just seemed like overwhelming joy enveloped around it seemed like overwhelming joy okay and that's it. Could have been a panic attack, but it seemed like definitely was it seemed like overwhelming joy okay so you think of moving in.

Speaker 1: 22:32

Can you tell the story?

Speaker 2: 22:33

when we moved in to our new house. Selena moved in. It was around her birthday. We got the new place, yeah, and I wasn't moving until after the wedding Birthday's in February, wedding's in May so she had a few months to live all on her own. Yeah, get our house ready to be a home, yeah, right, so Selena moves into our apartment, right? It's the first day I.

Speaker 1: 22:52

We're supposed to be helping. We're supposed to help at the wedding, both of us At the wedding.

Speaker 2: 22:54

I'm an usher. She's supposed to be an usher at the wedding.

Speaker 1: 22:56

Yeah, it was like the day after my birthday.

Speaker 2: 22:59

And I think it was your literal birthday.

Speaker 1: 23:01

Oh yeah, I think it was your literal birthday.

Speaker 2: 23:03

You moved in. Okay, snap, yeah, literally your birthday. Dang, that was a messed up birthday At the wedding doing the things. We had already got all the stuff moved in, right, right, your uncle helped you move stuff, yeah, and you came to the wedding and dropped something off to me, and then you're at the house, yes, and I'm getting done with the wedding and I'm not hearing from you, and it's like this is weird. Why isn't she sharing joy, sending pictures? Those kind of things Can.

Speaker 1: 23:32

I share for a second.

Speaker 2: 23:34

Yes.

Speaker 1: 23:35

It was the last goodbye of my uncle before I. It was like the last load and I said, okay, I'm going to take this load, I'm going to put it in my car, I'm going to go to the wedding, I'm going to help.

Speaker 2: 23:46

Okay.

Speaker 1: 23:47

And then I'll take this load to the house. Okay, I said goodbye to my uncle.

Speaker 2: 23:51

You were at his house.

Speaker 1: 23:53

I was at his house.

Speaker 2: 23:53

I lived with my uncle yeah, because the wedding was just down the street from the house, right? So?

Speaker 1: 23:57

I said goodbye to him yeah and it wasn't a sobby goodbye my uncle's not a sobby person. He probably shook your hand he did yeah, okay, goodbye, you know, like we're done, it was nice, yeah, and I I was losing it on the way to the wedding yeah I felt myself breaking down wow and so I got out of the car and I got to the entrance of the wedding, but then I said I can't do this because I'm a mess and I don't want to mess up their day.

Speaker 1: 24:25

So that's when I told you I need to go home I appreciate that you put on a fake face I couldn't control it yeah I, I, I couldn't control it, just like anxiety, I couldn't control it. Just like anxiety, I couldn't control it.

Speaker 2: 24:36

It was anxiety, I started spiraling, so I get. So there, you started spiraling.

Speaker 1: 24:41

Yes, right then At the wedding. On the way to the wedding.

Speaker 2: 24:44

I started so fast forward to when I get done at the wedding, I go to her house, I go to our house, but it was hers because she was the only one living there at the time.

Speaker 2: 24:54

And the house is dark. It's after dark. I couldn't find the lights. The lights were off and she's laying. We had a futon. I think that was like our only furniture piece at the time. Yeah, we had a futon, we had a dining room table and that was it. Yeah, and she's just laying there, crying, just sobbing. Yeah, I I'm sorry to bring this up, but it's just like that's where I found you and in that moment I didn't think it was a panic attack, right, like we didn't know there was anxiety or panic attacks happening in you, and so I just sat with you.

Speaker 2: 25:25

The best way I could in that moment was just sat with you and be there with you, right, and I think that laid the foundation for how I responded when future events like this happened.

Speaker 2: 25:36

The when I mentioned being angry, right, it was when I was finishing building our house and you had a panic attack about um packing packing yes, yeah, we were just a box we were just getting done with with this house and I was on my way over here, one of my buddies, who I hadn't seen in years, was coming to help me. Oh, yes, yes. And Selena was at home getting ready to pack and you had two kids under two.

Speaker 1: 26:02

Small kids yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:03

And you're trying to close up a house to move yeah, right Over the weekend, yeah, and I'm on the phone with you and you spiral while we're on the phone.

Speaker 1: 26:18

And.

Speaker 2: 26:18

I'm getting off at the exit by our house to like go to work on the house, yeah, and you just spiral right on the phone with me. I remember like it was yesterday what did it sound like? It just was one thing you just kept going deeper and deeper fears and worries. It was just fears and worries.

Speaker 2: 26:28

I can't remember the quotes, what you were talking about, but it was all fears and worries so I was just, I was just voicing the fear and the worries, yes, and then, but spiraling with them, yeah, it wasn't like rational yeah and then it got to a point where I could hear you hyperventilating and I'm like dang and I gotta turn around yeah, and I just turn around, go back to where you are and again, just be with you through that moment and just wait for you to catch your breath. You know.

Speaker 2: 26:57

Turn the fan on make sure you don't hyperventilate you gave me melatonin, I give you a melatonin hang out with the kids so you can just chill yeah right, and just wait for it to pass so going back to um, when we were engaged yeah I got to the house and I couldn't find the lights. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1: 27:19

So that's why I was in the dark, because it was a brand new house and I didn't know the house well enough to know where the lights were. And I was trying to find the lights on the walls but there were so many boxes and there were so many things in the way that I couldn't find it. And that's what triggered the attack. And the reason why I started to spiral in the first place was because I was leaving the security of my father, my uncle.

Speaker 2: 27:47

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:47

And I was like I no longer had his covering because I was now shifting under my husband's covering. I was shifting over your covering and so it freaked me out because I'm like what if this guy can't pay the bills? And then I'm stuck underneath him not paying the bills? I left my security of my family and now I have to fully trust in this guy to take care of me and to take care of our needs, and that's what set me off.

Speaker 2: 28:20

Wow.

Speaker 1: 28:21

Okay, and so what helped me get over that was I really just felt God. I felt like you know they say God whispers. I really felt like a firm whisper of like I need you to trust me. I need you to trust me. If you don't trust Kyle yet, you can at least trust me. And that's what kind of got me to calm myself a little. Back down to the point of moving. I think it was the same thing. It was like we were moving out of our home into this new city, away from our family, into this new city, away from our family, into this new place. Yeah, this and I and you were working on it, you were working on the house for so long.

Speaker 1: 29:05

Yeah, and I was just I think I was just uncertain of like this newness it was it was so unfamiliar to me yeah that it every time I tried to pack I I couldn't. I would start shaking, and I couldn't because I'm like I'm about to leave the secured place that we have built our whole marriage. Yeah, and I'm leaving into this new place and this was at the. You know, if you guys want to go back and listen to the hard seasons, we talk about this season, but Kyle was gone a lot, you were renovating a lot, a lot.

Speaker 1: 29:42

So I was by myself, I was tired, I was drained, I had the two kids and now I'm going into this unknown place and it's like you weren't there to really help me transition into that place. You were just expecting to meet me there in the new place. And so going into that transition of from one house to another I think it's kind of almost similar to the, the moving in. When we were first married I was leaving a covering and going into a new setting, into a new covering, and I it was that transition of like going into that, you know, almost like the Jordan River.

Speaker 2: 30:17

Crossing the Red Sea moment.

Speaker 1: 30:19

Yeah, crossing into the sea that led me into the fear of I don't know if this is going to work out. And then again, god was like trust in me. Just trust in me, and that's what kind of helped me get through it.

Speaker 2: 30:33

That's real. That's what real marriage looks like. Real relationship is just being with that person through the thick and thin, trusting that God's going to get us through.

Speaker 1: 30:44

And we're definitely going to have an episode of how we can help partners through those times. But I mean, it just goes to show you guys anxiety comes everywhere, comes out of anywhere and spouses will feel it differently. Yeah, comes out of anywhere and spouses will feel it differently.

Speaker 2: 30:59

Certainly.

Speaker 1: 31:00

And it will come in different seasons. And we have to be mindful that, while it is affecting your physical body, where it is possible for doctors to diagnose it and to help treat it with medication, at the end of the day, underneath all of that, it is an attack of the enemy to take your sights away from God.

Speaker 2: 31:24

To distract you from that fruit of the Holy Spirit. Absolutely, man. This series is so real. Yes, it's going to be emotional. It's going to be challenging. Guys are going to get uncomfortable, girls are going to get uncomfortable. Marriages are going to be emotional. It's going to be challenging. Guys are going to get uncomfortable, girls are going to get uncomfortable. Marriages are going to get stronger. Yes, we're going to have actions, we're going to have plans. We're going to have good questions, good ways to work through it as a couple, so that you're not just left just sitting together in silence. You're not just left minimalizing each other's emotions, each other's fears, each other's worries not minimizing, minimizing.

Speaker 2: 32:01

Y'all know what I mean. And all of that works together to to help you when it's time to to to live by faith, to love by faith. Amen, and I think that's the perfect word to end down.

Speaker 1: 32:15

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 32:16

Let's pray, you can do the CTA and we'll. We'll get Amen, and I think that's the perfect word to end on Absolutely. Let's pray, you can do the CTA and we'll get out of here All right. Lord, jesus, we know that peace is from you. Your peace, you left with us, lord. You never took it away. You left it with us. Help us today to remember that peace when we're worried, when we're anxious, when we're struggling to find the words, when we're unsure. Help us to lean into your Holy Spirit power and to trust that it will guide us. In Jesus' name, amen.

Speaker 1: 32:46

Amen. Thank you guys so much for tuning in and listening and watching with us and for being vulnerable with us. We know anxiety is not a sensitive, uh, it's not an easy subject, so for you guys to be a part of this, we just truly appreciate and thank you. If you're watching on youtube, make sure you like, share, subscribe. If you're listening to us on one of the pop cats platforms, what podcast platforms? There you go that's what I said. Podcast platforms okay, you say it three times fast podcast platform.

Speaker 2: 33:16

Podcast platform. Podcast it three times fast. Podcast platform. Podcast platform.

Speaker 1: 33:18

Podcast platform anyways, podcast platform please make sure you share, please make sure you give us a five-star review that's right or write, uh, a review for us, just telling other people how love by faith has impacted you, so that they can get the news and they can love by faith as well that's right, we hope to see you guys next week. Tune in till then and love by faith y'all Love by faith y'all Take care.

Speaker 1: 33:42

Bye, see ya. You know, okay, I always say take care. I don't want to say take care, because every time I think of the word take care, the phrase, I think of a phrase from a cartoon and I don't remember where it came from.

Speaker 2: 34:03

Okay.

Speaker 1: 34:03

It's like take care now, bye, bye. Then when is that from?

Speaker 2: 34:08

You don't know. Nope, that wasn't in my childhood.

Speaker 1: 34:11

Take care now, bye, bye. Then I can't remember where it came from it bye, bye. Then I can't remember where it came from, and it always pops up every time I say that phrase uh, take care, is not that bad, it's worse, no, but it's again it's, where is it anxiety?

Speaker 2: 34:27

no no, don't do it. I can't stand that. Can't stand that. Did it. I'm trying to find. I read a great book on anxiety and I'm trying to find it.

Speaker 1: 34:40

We could listen to it, or we could add it to the description or share it in another episode.

Speaker 2: 34:45

I just got done.

Speaker 1: 34:46

I just got done with a really good book that I will definitely recommend.

Speaker 2: 34:50

Okay, want to share it.

Speaker 1: 34:51

Yeah, right now Okay. We're in the post credits. Yes, I got to go Kai. Yeah, right now. Okay, we're in the post credit.

Speaker 2: 34:57

Yes, I gotta go, kai, you gotta go.

Speaker 1: 34:58

Yeah, I gotta go all right, all right, bye.