SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Creating a Communication Plan | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #075

Creating a communication plan requires understanding each other's preferences, timing, and needs to foster deeper connection and avoid common pitfalls that lead to frustration.

• Weekly planning meetings to handle logistics and free up daily interactions for meaningful connection
• Understanding women's hormonal cycles and how they impact communication needs
• Learning when and how to approach men about important conversations
• Color-coding calendars to distinguish personal time, couple time, and negotiable activities
• Creating predetermined strategies for conflict resolution based on each person's preferences
• Using physical touch or small gifts as peace offerings during difficult conversations
• Scheduling important conversations rather than interrupting hobbies or activities
• Communication about communication is essential - discuss how you want to resolve conflicts
• Developing code words or signals for when you need to pause and continue a conversation later
• Humility is crucial - both partners must be willing to adapt and compromise

Download our free Love by Faith Playbook for communication templates and strategies to help you navigate various scenarios in your relationship. Every good coach knows they need winning plays, and we've put together our best relationship strategies in this living document that's updated monthly with fresh content.

Chapters

• 0:00 Creating a Communication Plan
• 11:41 Our Biggest Communication Wins
• 18:48 Understanding Women's Cycles
• 22:44 Planning Communication with Men
• 32:04 Playbook Introduction
• 35:23 Communication Scenarios and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

creating a communication plan.

Speaker 2: 0:02

If you're coming to him while he's doing his thing, while he's watching his sport, wants to be outside, whatever, cutting his grass, making his lawn stripes like it's the wrong time.

Speaker 1: 0:11

They want to communicate better. They don't exactly know how it's practice.

Speaker 2: 0:15

You go to practice, to work through the play, so that when the game is on the game of life, you can just execute.

Speaker 1: 0:22

We're not perfect people by any means, but by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship.

Speaker 2: 0:29

A relationship.

Speaker 1: 0:30

And marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 2: 0:34

With a keeping it real style. We're going to talk to you about everything.

Speaker 1: 0:37

Everything.

Speaker 2: 0:38

That we've been through.

Speaker 1: 0:39

Are going through.

Speaker 2: 0:41

And have overcome All by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith. So this is it. This is officially episode 75 episodes gone by so fast to me not me.

Speaker 1: 1:11

With all the editing that you have to do it, it really slows down yeah, yeah, yeah, like because you feel every episode is like this.

Speaker 2: 1:20

I did, I put in the extra work to get this out it's just a lot of for those who edit.

Speaker 1: 1:25

You guys know, like it's just every breath, every you know or every like I have to edit all those things out and every time I rub my nose or touch the mic. You know you're new and I say like too much if I'm annoying myself by repeating little likes and ums and I'm like all right, we gotta, we gotta get this out.

Speaker 2: 1:45

So to do that 75 times, you know yeah, but we're here, we made it it's, it's very cool listening to us, it's um, I'm just not to my own horn, but it sounds like we're getting better. Like the flow is there more, the, the connection is there more. We have our our on mic chemistry. Yeah, this is getting better.

Speaker 1: 2:04

And uh, here's to 75 more if we ever had to host or you know um be an mc for any kind of event. I think we would be fun we would. We would know what to do because we're a little experienced in in the banter yeah, if you will.

Speaker 2: 2:17

Yeah, I'm totally agree with you.

Speaker 1: 2:19

Well, let's banter less and let's talk more, because we're here in the communication series and we have so much to talk about especially because we we missed the one, so we're we're really trying to catch up and I think last episode we talked a lot about the problems yeah you know we talked about pitfalls and triggers and how you know it really just comes from anywhere from anyone, and we wanted to provide at least some kind of solution to help with that.

Speaker 2: 2:49

So our communication style, you and me, yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:54

Okay.

Speaker 2: 2:55

If it was a genre or a specific movie, what would our communication?

Speaker 1: 2:58

style be.

Speaker 2: 2:58

This is such a loaded question?

Speaker 1: 2:59

Yes, oh dear.

Speaker 2: 3:01

What would our communication style be?

Speaker 1: 3:05

This is such a loaded question. Yes, because every good movie has bad, poor communication Perfect.

Speaker 2: 3:13

I got no problem telling people that our communication takes work, our communication sucks at times Absolutely, and that we're not here saying that we got it all together. We're here saying, like this is what works when things are screwed up for us.

Speaker 1: 3:26

Yes, but I will say we are not the type of movie where in the first 30 minutes you can see what the problem is where it's like oh, if you would just tell him this problem, like we're going to have an issue, you know, like it's not one of those movies, and then the problem just drags out so it's not a basic sitcom, it's not a basic rom-com, no, but it's also not like star wars, like we don't get into heavy action, like no arguments right so I don't more of like a, more like a movie in mind no, this was your question.

Speaker 2: 4:02

I'm asking you there's more, but more like a. I'm thinking through this, I picture like more of like a indie film that takes time to develop and you're like, where is this going?

Speaker 1: 4:09

and then you get there and you're like, oh, that was a good movie but it's not like one of those anderson west movies where it's just like what the heck is happening here, how did we get here? But it's also not like interstellar or you don't figure anything. I'm such a movie buff, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 4:29

That's why I came up with this question for you I don't know, I don't have a good answer.

Speaker 1: 4:34

I want to say ocean's 11, because from beginning to end, the entire project was well executed, methodical so everyone knows everybody knows, they're all professionals, they know exactly how to handle it. And then, even when there's a mishap, okay they figure it out right, adapt right exactly I would love to communicate like oceans.

Speaker 2: 4:57

11 great answer yeah, great answer drop this week's title. What are we today?

Speaker 1: 5:04

So this week, as we are kind of coming out of the month of May, we wanted to talk to you guys about creating a communication plan. I personally feel like a lot of people out there they want to communicate better. They don't exactly know how. They read a couple of things on the internet and then they try to apply it, but then they forget about it because there's, you know, we're we're fixated on our in our comfort communication area, and so we wanted to be able to say, when certain things happen, this is how you plan to communicate better. So I think what this episode is going to look like is we're going to have a couple of scenarios and then we're going to say this is how you plan to have a better communication right, I hear you yeah, yeah so we'll work through a couple hypotheticals, a couple situationals, to see what yeah kind of plan we can come up with.

Speaker 2: 6:00

Yes, okay, it's funny. So when I'm thinking through this episode, I'm thinking like a guy.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Yeah, of course. How do I help?

Speaker 2: 6:07

the guys communicate better. How do I help the guys communicate more effectively? How do I help the guys lead in the communication?

Speaker 1: 6:14

Yes, and I'm thinking like a woman, how there's so many different events, so it's like so many different options, a closet, so it's like I'm going gonna wear this on this day, that on that day, so it's like I can't communicate with you the same way when this is happening. I have to communicate differently when that is happening. How should we begin this?

Speaker 2: 6:33

let's start at the end, okay what beginning? What was our biggest communication win? Like when did we, when did it like? Or do you feel like it ever clicked for us for like well, that's how we need to communicate I don't know okay do you have something? Yeah, yeah, totally okay for me when we went through the season of figuring out the the weekly. Sit down the weekly, make the meals the weekly, talk about the finances the weekly uh you think that was a win huge.

Speaker 1: 7:06

That's the biggest win of our communication you gave me so much strength for it yeah, totally put me out of my comfort zone you made it so hard you put me into planning.

Speaker 2: 7:16

You put me out of our, my comfort zone. Yes, you put me into having to think ahead. I'm not like a proactive yes I wasn't a proactive thinker when we started this and now I've gotten better at that and knowing our finances together. It used to be kind of one-sided one of us figures it out and then reports the other one. We'd flip and flop who was doing what yeah and sitting down and doing those things regularly weekly.

Speaker 2: 7:40

We had. We went through that season. We first transitioned to the um, to this house, okay, where you did that regularly and regularly and I thought our communication was in such a strong place. Yeah, and that was our biggest win was just doing the little stuff. The little stuff so that each day we knew what was happening. We didn't have to talk on thursday about what was happening thursday. We didn't have to talk on friday about what was happening that day right we were able to sit down.

Speaker 2: 8:08

You know it changed it rotated days like it wasn't. Like we have to sit down on tuesday to figure out. You know, yeah, and doing that so that we were ahead and able to just that's. I just had a big aha moment.

Speaker 2: 8:19

Okay, the win of that was that we were able to do that once a week yeah and then be able to have the individual days of the week, to have small connections, to have daily connections. Yeah right, we were able to have, not like these report connections where we're just figuring out what we got to do to make today a success. I see we were able to chat about the weather and how's it going and what's what are you going through today and what's what are you working on today? What are you battling today? Yes, because we didn't have to think through what's for dinner. How much money do we have? What are we buying for this person's birthday?

Speaker 1: 8:53

coming up right, it was just done at the weekly talk so having weekly talks to kind of establish all of the reports. Basically, you're having a business meeting, you have yeah you're having a business meeting?

Speaker 2: 9:05

you have. Yeah, you're having a business meeting, you're talking about your finances.

Speaker 1: 9:08

You're talking about the meal plan you're talking about. You know the events. If somebody has soccer this day, a dentist appointment that day, if somebody has to stay late at school. You know you're doing all of that, but you're doing it all in one sitting, so that, or maybe, finances is one sitting and then everything else is one sitting, so that you can free up the rest of your time to just engage with each other and talk.

Speaker 2: 10:38

Yeah, pull out the calendars. Pull out the menu. Pull out the um, whatever book you keep your finance records in. Pull out the laptop if you're a spreadsheet person.

Speaker 1: 10:46

Yeah, so the. So that's one kind of plan.

Speaker 2: 10:48

That was our, that was our biggest communication win.

Speaker 1: 10:53

I think, now that you talk about it, one of our biggest communication wins was understanding my cycle. Talk about it all the time.

Speaker 2: 10:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:58

In this podcast.

Speaker 1: 10:58

You guys are probably sick about it, Sick hearing about it. You know all the cycle things, but I think, having you understand where I'm at hormonally every single week, every week, and then adjusting our conversations to that. So, for example, when I'm in my you know, my roughest phase of the month, you know I don't, I'm not playful, you know I cannot make heavy decisions and so you don't bring up conversations that require me to have to make this. I'm already fatigued on all of those decision making abilities and so you understanding, okay, this is when to talk to her, this is when not to talk to her about this, this is when to like be playful and snuggly and touchy, feely, and this is when to just like high five her and give her a dap and just, you know, watch a good comedy movie. You know things like that. I think that was a really good communication milestone that we covered, because now I don't have to feel frustrated in trying to explain myself every single month and then you don't have to feel confused about she was just fine last week.

Speaker 2: 12:07

Like why is she not fine this week? Where's that lady who was around last week, you know?

Speaker 1: 12:11

like what happened, like she was so into me last week. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me and it's like it's not personal. But you understand and I understand, you know when you need. You know, sometimes women, we only think about ourselves, we're not thinking about our guys, and so Guys never do that.

Speaker 1: 12:29

And so really do that and so understanding when your guy's love tank needs to be full, because then you can communicate to him I'm feeling you, I desire you. I'm going to flirt with you a little more because I see that and I recognize it and there's a time and place for that as well.

Speaker 2: 12:48

Totally. You say how the understanding your cycle keeps coming up again and again. It does, and I'm fine with that, okay, because it highlights the importance of it.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:59

If the cycle is relevant in communication, if the cycle is relevant in dating, if the cycle is relevant in whatever spiritual time together.

Speaker 1: 13:06

It's relevant, it's important. It's a huge win to understand that about yourself and I know it's like a fingerprint Everyone's is different.

Speaker 2: 13:09

It's important. It's a huge win to understand that about yourself. And I know it's like a fingerprint Everyone's is different. Yeah Right.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:17

And each guy you're going to have to figure out with your lady, and the more you understand that, the better, like she said, you can be prepared for these moments. To understand how to communicate, understand why to communicate. You know guys like instruction manuals, instruction man. Well, a lot of guys like instruction manuals because we want to just know how to figure it out right now you guys like instruction manuals, but you guys don't read them accurate and uh, the more you know about your woman's cycle, the more you can understand her instruction manual it's just that women change all the time.

Speaker 1: 13:48

If they're pregnant, they're changing. If they have a child, they're. If they're getting older perimenopause, menopause we're constantly changing, we're constantly changing. And so if you have a plan to communicate that and I think this type of communication plan is going to be led by the women because you have to be very vocal about what you need, what you don't want, what you feel and how this is so important, how your husband can help in that setting If you're just expecting your husband to just figure it out based on your body language, it's not going to work.

Speaker 1: 14:28

If you're going to expect your husband to figure it out because you went through the same exact thing last month, he doesn't remember yesterday. With all due respect, accurate no, keep going. With all due respect, he doesn't remember yesterday, let alone what happened two or three months ago or what happened the last time you were pregnant. So you have to be very vocal about this and you have to create a communication plan and be like listen, this is where I'm at this month or this is where I'm at this week. I need you to. You know A, b and C. I like when this happens. I don't like when this happens. Do not do this under any circumstances, or I will be so livid I cannot understand why I feel this way. Or maybe I can understand why I feel this way, but I need you to work with me as I'm working with me. Okay, so that's one communication plan.

Speaker 1: 15:16

Time out yes.

Speaker 2: 15:17

So we got to talk to you. I'm just going to run this back through the guide translator.

Speaker 1: 15:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:21

We got to talk to you to figure out your cycle.

Speaker 1: 15:24

Yes.

Speaker 2: 15:24

And at times it's different than previous times.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Yes, so it's not a I can't plan on it like that hard. No, no, no depends on the season. Okay, see, okay. So I'm going to take me, for example. I am done having children. My, my motherhood hormone journey is completed okay now I'm in a season where I'm 40 years old and I'm somewhere in the realm of normal, inching towards perimenopause Okay, perimenopause.

Speaker 2: 15:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:55

Okay, and so right now the season is pretty standard. It's pretty much the same.

Speaker 2: 16:02

Consistent.

Speaker 1: 16:02

Consistent, consistent Until we reach perimenopause.

Speaker 2: 16:06

Right.

Speaker 1: 16:06

Then everything hits the fan again and we got to work towards figuring that out.

Speaker 2: 16:10

So when couples are working through that yo-yo of we're getting ready to have a baby okay, I'm pregnant it's changing.

Speaker 1: 16:16

Yes, okay.

Speaker 2: 16:17

I'm in the second trimester. It's changing.

Speaker 1: 16:20

Yes.

Speaker 2: 16:20

I'm in the third trimester. It's changing. Yes, and then I just had a baby. Yes, it's changing.

Speaker 1: 16:25

Yes, postpartum is a whole. It's more than just a month, it's more than just a year, it's probably like two to five years.

Speaker 2: 16:32

Okay, so you got that whole season. So it sounds like the whole time you're changing diapers. Yeah, and if I'm I agree with that. Yeah, as a dad, that was a constant season. That whole diaper changing season was just a whole season of its own. Yeah. And so us figuring out how to communicate about what we need changed. The communication plan has to be willing to mold to the season. Absolutely Right, willing to for the couples to take a step back and say hold on, we're moving to a different season here. Let's look at our plan. Is this work? Is this not work? And to be really tactical about what are we doing and why are we doing it and what do you need in this season what do you need doing it and what do you need in this season?

Speaker 1: 17:24

what do you need, lady, and what do you need in this season, dude?

Speaker 2: 17:27

yes, and being really just vulnerable with each other. Absolutely right to say to be just naked and unashamed. Yes, like I need this, right. We haven't had that. We haven't got together in bed since that baby's come home, right, right. And that baby's like three now Right, that's a joke. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that communication plan is real.

Speaker 1: 17:49

But this is just one option in one circumstance of when you need a communication plan.

Speaker 2: 17:57

Okay.

Speaker 1: 17:57

Because we have a whole lot more that we need to cover. Okay, hey, everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode, and right now we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith Playbook.

Speaker 2: 18:15

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Speaker 1: 18:35

So grab your Love by Faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it, and the good news about this is that it is a living document, so you download it one time and every single month we're going to be updating this document to give you fresh, new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now and let's get back into this episode. So, kyle, we talked a lot about. Let's recap. We talked about the practical plans of doing all the reports, like business meeting reports for everyday living. We talked about what women need how to create a communication plan when women are going through their hormonal phases, life cycle changes.

Speaker 1: 19:25

Right, so Kyle, kyle's here. There are definitely, I like to think, a very popular thing when it comes to communication and men.

Speaker 2: 19:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:38

There's always that notion of don't bother him when he's watching tv, like when he's watching sports, yeah, when he's doing this. So is there any kind of like? What would be the perfect communication plan that we could set up so that women know when is the best time, or the or the the best strategy to really communicate with their men?

Speaker 2: 20:02

Good, so you're talking, communicate with him so that you're not distracting him from his hobbies. Sports is a hobby, okay. Fishing is a hobby. Video gaming is a hobby, okay. Maybe he's a tinkerer. Maybe he likes to build stuff Tinkerer, yeah, some guys like to build stuff. Tinkerer, yeah, some guys like to build electronics. I think about like DL Rickey DL Rickey's a tinkerer Okay, how he fixes stuff. And like he built his own weight rack Okay, right.

Speaker 1: 20:33

The best. Thing.

Speaker 2: 20:35

He's an engineer, yeah, but the Anyway. Tinkerer engineer same thing Tinker tinker. Okay, no disrespect to engineers, but you need to facilitate that time for him to have that space Right. If you're coming to him while he's doing his thing, while he's watching his sport, while he wants to be outside, whatever, cutting his grass, making his lawn stripes, yeah, Like it's the wrong time.

Speaker 2: 20:58

So, that's obvious, right? I know what you're gonna say. So what do we do? What you do is you have to be on the same page with the calendar, guys. This is where you have to be willing to block your time and say hey, saturday at 10, I'm going outside, I'm striping that lawn. Okay, tuesday night, I got that playoff game at 8 30.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Okay, I'm going to wherever restaurant or whatever dude's house to watch this restaurant, to watch this game with all due respect, is that it's not too hard for women to plan right and to put in calendars right why would it seem To say this is the time.

Speaker 2: 21:44

Okay, this is the block, and I think it just because sitting down to talk is hard.

Speaker 1: 21:51

Can I have a theory? Do I have a theory?

Speaker 2: 21:53

Okay, can I share it? You have a theory?

Speaker 1: 21:54

Yes, I believe that some men do not want to put things in calendars because they feel like structure is restricting. Sure it is, and so they want to be free, they want to be the guy, they want to make the calls, they want to call the shots, they want to do their own thing in their own time. Okay, and so, therefore, they just don't respect the structure of putting things in a calendar and when to have those sit-down times.

Speaker 2: 22:23

Do you want to have a good connection? Do you want to have a fruitful relationship? Do you want to have your time to watch your game uninterrupted? Do you want to have a garden? You got to pull the weeds. Not structuring it is letting weeds grow. Not laying out these rows is letting the junk get in the way, not moving the stumbling blocks, the rocks out of your garden. You're going to go out there and stripe your lawn, but you got it full of dandelions.

Speaker 1: 22:49

They're going to screw up your stripes. So let me ask you this Okay, does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. I can't say that I'm glad you did.

Speaker 2: 22:57

So, as a dude, get over yourself. Okay, because you're going to help yourself in the end, right, like all these talks that we're, all these communication plans that we're talking about. It's just like for the sports. Analogy is practice. You go to practice to work through the play so that when the game is on, the game of life, you can just execute. Yes, right, tom Brady can just line up, throw it right where Edelman's going to be.

Speaker 1: 23:23

And he right where edelman's gonna be, and he's there, yes. And and it goes back to the pitfalls that we talked about in the previous episode, where if guys are just planning so much stuff, oh, I'm gonna meet this, these guys, my guys, later at night, oh, and then in the morning I gotta go to golf, oh, and then after golf I gotta work on my lawn and then after that I gotta grill and oh, I don't know, I don't have time to talk, lady, I don't have time. Like, look at the calendar, it's all completely full. And I feel like that's when you start going back to the previous episode, that's when you call out the pitfall of, like, dude, you're just denying, you're running, you're rejecting this conversation, you're avoiding it.

Speaker 1: 23:55

You're avoiding it. You're avoiding it, and so what kind of plan can?

Speaker 1: 24:01

we come up with, because there needs to be ground rules. There needs to be something in place where it's like you, we both agree that this happens. We both agree that when we need to have a serious conversation, this can be done. We both, you know. So what can we do to work with the guys to really put this in place so that everyone is on the same page of like when there is a serious conversation that needs to be had, whether it's about health, finances, the dog, the kids, in-laws are coming travel, vacation, whatever. You did this to me and I'm really upset and I need to talk about it. I did this and we need to talk about it like how can we get everyone on the same page to be like yes, we need to have that conversation so there's two different things you just talked about, okay.

Speaker 2: 24:45

You talked about the normal day-to-day life, ops yeah, and how we keep that organized yeah. And then you got into when we need to have a hard talk okay, so there's two, two different two different ways to handle that. Okay, right, if you're asking me for the guy's perspective, yes, when we're doing the weekly plan and one of even ours we use this. When we're doing that weekly plan, we color code the calendar. Yes, right, yes, so you guys figure out whatever your colors are going to be, but like yellow.

Speaker 1: 25:14

You're talking about on our iPhones, on the phones? Yeah, yeah, on the phones.

Speaker 2: 25:17

But if you're a paper person, you can use a highlighter. Yeah, okay, yellow is her time. Blue is his time. Yeah, red is us time. You know you can have stuff that's outlined, that is negotiable. Like I don't have to watch the whole formula one race, right, like I can dvr that and watch that later. It's not a big deal to me, okay. And so you work and talk through those non-negotiables. Yes, and again, I said humility before I'm going to say it again, because you have to be willing to say that that regular season game on a Thursday night is not that big a deal in the big picture, but the playoffs is.

Speaker 2: 25:54

Right, but if we're in the playoffs, I'm not missing that. Okay, you see what I'm saying, I see that, yeah, so I watch a lot of racing Racing. You see what I'm saying. I see that, yeah, so I watch a lot of racing Racing. There's elimination races, right, so if it's an elimination race, I'm probably watching that. Okay, and honestly, I can like block off just like an hour and a half to fast forward to DVR, catch the highlights and watch the last 30 laps.

Speaker 1: 26:16

Yeah, okay Just being real. Okay, so we talked about the practical stuff. Okay, being real, so when? Okay, so we talked about the practical stuff when people have serious issues, when it's like you really offended me or you really let me down, or you really. We have to talk about this.

Speaker 2: 26:30

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:31

What is the plan for that? Because I I feel like you know, that could happen in public, that could happen in private.

Speaker 2: 26:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:37

And you got to have some rules, because I know for me, if something happens in public, right, we are not talking about it until we get to private, and we are both on the same page with that, because when we first started dating you didn't, you didn't realize that, like I, I would just stop talking about it and I would be like what's wrong, what's going on, and I'm like, don't do this in front of people, like don't do this in the restaurant, like wait till we get into the car.

Speaker 1: 27:01

So now we know as soon as we get into the car, like honey, what happened, what's going on yeah and we have that private moment, you know. But that came with us forming a plan of like this is what, this is what needs to be done.

Speaker 2: 27:12

So and having blow-ups in public where it's like she shut down right in front of me. I'm embarrassed, I'm calling her out on something. She's embarrassed, yes, and working through that. So for me it's a practice. You got to know. You got to communicate about communicating.

Speaker 1: 27:28

Yes, right, yes.

Speaker 2: 27:29

It takes years of working together to figure out the chemistry of when it's when it's a hard talk. Are we scheduling this? Are we just stopping right there in that moment, cause some people, even, you know, some women, are just stopping that moment? Let's work through this before we walk another step forward.

Speaker 1: 27:47

That's true. Some people want to get it done and go past it, and some people need time to slow and process.

Speaker 2: 27:54

And some dudes will kick that can down the road forever.

Speaker 1: 27:56

Yeah, some people need to just have a timeout and go to pray. So you need to come up with your plan Right. People need to just have a timeout and go to pray.

Speaker 2: 28:02

So you need to come up with your plan, right. I think this is one where each partner can have a separate moment and brainstorm through what they like to resolve it, how they like to resolve it Right, write it out and then come together and just read what each one wrote about how they like to resolve it. So, as a young couple, this would be a great exercise for young couples to talk. You know, yeah, like a a fun thing to do on the honeymoon, because you're just sitting. I don't know how you like the honeymoon. You're sitting out there in the sun, you're road tripping.

Speaker 2: 28:31

Who knows what people are doing for their honeymoons we know what they're doing on their honeymoon and you can, uh, you could talk through it like's how I like to, here's how we can fight, so we can fight fair and not, you know, and not have it and some, and even that might be hard, and that's okay. Hard doesn't mean bad, yeah, hard doesn't mean bad. Yeah, right, like I like to lift weights. Lifting weights is hard, yeah, but it's fun, it's fulfilling. It's fun, it's fulfilling. I see the strength increase. I'm taking care of my heart. Yes.

Speaker 1: 29:06

You know, I can still win a race against my kids. The other thing you could do is before, like, instead of trying to figure this out on the spot, you can definitely, like you're saying is, pre-plan it, and so you could have a couple of scenarios, and maybe this is something that we include in the communication plan is like scenario one. This is something that we include in the communication plan. It's like scenario one there was a misunderstanding in the grocery store and you guys got into an altercation.

Speaker 2: 29:29

Oh, you brought home the Granny Smith apples. Never again.

Speaker 1: 29:34

You know what I'm saying. Like, what do you need to get this resolved in the most peacefully and effective way? And then you guys both talk about it. And then you guys are both like, okay, this is what I would do, this is what I need to do, this is what I need to do, this is what. So now, moving forward, if a similar you know a conflict were to arise, you guys are both aware of what each other needs and what you both need for yourselves, and then you could handle it accordingly.

Speaker 2: 30:03

I want to get this put together for the playbook, so maybe some kind of scenario thing, along with some little templates of when's the best time to have talks.

Speaker 1: 30:12

what do I need? The other thing is, before we kind of wrap this up, is I've read that some people, whenever they have a conflict that they need to resolve, they hold hands.

Speaker 2: 30:25

Interesting.

Speaker 1: 30:26

They hold hands because it helps them not lean into the anger as much. It helps them lean really keep going.

Speaker 2: 30:33

You think I'm gonna squeeze your hand. Yeah, I think you're gonna squeeze my hand.

Speaker 1: 30:37

I'm married to you long enough it's the physical contact, okay, why do you think I would hurt you?

Speaker 2: 30:45

I would not hurt my husband, I promise because I've seen you when you're mad and you're just like I'm, like I'm not holding that hand. What?

Speaker 1: 30:53

you do, but there is sometimes when I do use the love language in our complex is what I guess, is what I'm trying to say okay, and you mean the love language so sometimes when, when I'm upset. I'm like honey, honey, honey please take the trash out, or something like that.

Speaker 1: 31:11

Because you then are lowering your defenses, because you're receiving love. Can we put an access to receive love inside the conflict, inside the communication, so that it's less aggressive and it's more being done and resolved in love? So that's something that you want to consider when you're working on your communication plan. Yeah yeah, yeah I know sometimes in the past I used to be really mad at you and you would bring me a cookie yeah you'd bring me a cookie and I was just like not just a cookie from the kitchen.

Speaker 2: 31:55

I used to go and get go to this fancy soup shop and I would get the super vegan cookies.

Speaker 1: 32:00

Yes, oh, I love those cookies yeah we don't live by them anymore. No more regular, no, but you would like open and I would be like getting ready to like this is how I feel and this is what I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You would just click the glove compartment and a cookie would pop out. I'm like dang it, he's got it again and I'm like all right, fine.

Speaker 2: 32:20

Your love language is gifts. It's a love language. You talked about how you grab my hand.

Speaker 1: 32:28

Yes, I bring peace offerings. Yes, when we have an issue or something, not to say that it's conditional. No Like now you have to give me a peace offering, or else I'm not going to resolve this conflict.

Speaker 2: 32:32

It's just a way to show hey, I love you.

Speaker 1: 32:35

Let's work through this.

Speaker 2: 32:37

Here's a peace offering to you know, say, the olive branch. Here's my peace offering, whatever, and it's not.

Speaker 1: 32:49

I didn't spend like 50 yes, I never screwed up that bad. Yes, thank god. Yeah, maybe I could have that. Look, I'm not saying nothing that's so good I'm not saying nothing. You want to know your apology languages, your love languages yeah, the.

Speaker 2: 32:58

I was just thinking I'm trying to remember his name the guy who wrote the gary chapman gary chapman has a book about how to apologize, and how to apologize well, how to own it.

Speaker 1: 33:05

We'll probably, I think, next time we has a book about how to apologize, and how to apologize well, how to own it.

Speaker 2: 33:07

We'll probably, I think, next time we do a book series, that should be one of them.

Speaker 1: 33:11

The apology one. The apology one, the apology languages yeah, okay.

Speaker 2: 33:15

And so, yeah, that's a big win. There's no one. How to apologize in a way that speaks to your partner is going to win for sure, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 33:30

So we'll go ahead and link that in the description. It's a free uh test that you could take, just like the love languages, and there's books available and resources and tools for that. In addition to that, we are going to give you guys a communication plan that we've been talking about all through this episode, to give you just different scenarios to help you understand what needs to be done for you all to each scenario, like doing that elbow, ear, forehead, nose, chin. No.

Speaker 2: 33:51

Swipe no.

Speaker 1: 33:51

No, but like we need time out, we need to talk about this now. We need to do it in private. We need to use a code word so that we know like, hey, this needs to be pinned until the next time we can have a serious conversation.

Speaker 2: 34:03

Okay, you know yeah have a serious conversation.

Speaker 1: 34:07

Okay, you know, yeah, we're gonna have little templates for you guys so that you can work on what you need to help you get through the various communication conflicts and the communication pitfalls. You know, we're gonna, we're gonna just lay that out for you that way you kind of sometimes it's easier to see it when it's all written out, when it's all there, and then you guys can use it to help you with your communication. Because I think in all of the times that we've talked all 75 episodes communication has come up at least once in every episode of how couples need to stay fruitful and keep God at the center. But a lot of that involves full transparency, vulnerability and communication.

Speaker 2: 34:50

Real, real. I couldn't have said it better. So be on the lookout for that to hit the playbook. That's going to be a good, good help.

Speaker 1: 34:57

Yeah, Along with all the other tools there's so many tools that are in the playbook. If you haven't looked into it yet, it is a totally free tool that you guys can use and we love to continue to update with more resources in it and more plays to help you just really learn how to look by faith.

Speaker 2: 35:15

We are a ministry. We're not here to do anything but serve the Lord, serve his people and help the church be stronger. Strong marriages are a strong faith go hand in hand, and that's what we're here to bring forward.

Speaker 1: 35:29

Amen.

Speaker 2: 35:29

I don't know if you need to say more to close out this episode, if we're just ready to pray.

Speaker 1: 35:33

I know that there were a lot of communication topics that we brought up in the very beginning of this month. There was like 12 at least, and we only touched on a small amount right I want you guys to be mindful that these topics are still in our books and we will still cover them at some point in time. So do not fret if there's a topic that really spoke to you that we haven't gotten to yet yeah please reach out to us and say, hey, I really want to hear more about this thing yeah and then we will go ahead and and get that out there for you.

Speaker 2: 36:09

Amen, amen, man.

Speaker 1: 36:10

Yeah, thanks for being vulnerable today, man, you really Me.

Speaker 2: 36:12

Yeah, you shared some hard stuff Really, yeah, I think so. Thank you yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:18

I love that you just go in on the guys.

Speaker 2: 36:27

You say all the things that we want men to say to guys Thank you, we're here to say it. We're going to have the platform, we're going to say it. Thank you, take it or leave it, and if you leave it, I'm sorry to hear that.

Speaker 1: 36:33

There you go.

Speaker 2: 36:34

Let's pray All right. Lord Jesus, you are at the center of this, the center of this podcast, the center of our marriage, the center of our life. Lord, we are grateful for you giving us the space to share, the space to grow, the space to encourage couples. I pray that people would get the playbook and use it and that their marriages would be stronger because of it, and that they would just see fruitful marriages in our lives. And we just pray that these words fall on good soil today. I just pray for blessings over all those people who are desiring to have a great marriage, desiring to have a great relationship, who are desiring to love by faith. We give you the glory for all of it in Jesus's name, amen.

Speaker 1: 37:21

Amen. Thank you so much for listening and watching Love by Faith. If you are watching here on YouTube, please be sure to like, share, subscribe. If you are watching here on YouTube, please be sure to like, share, subscribe. If you're listening to us on any of the platforms that uh host podcasts, we ask that you please write us a review. Please hit five stars, let people spread the word and and just find us through what you have to say and what you have gained from listening to us. We hope that you join us again next week. It's June us through what you have to say and what you have gained from listening to us.

Speaker 1: 37:47

We hope that you join us again next week. It's June, officially summer vacation.

Speaker 2: 37:53

Father's Day topics all month of June.

Speaker 1: 38:01

Oh, that would be really good. Not that I don't know how many fathers we have on here, but it would be really good to just be a guy's month of, like all June, I don't know. I think we have a whole plan already we do have a plan that could be next season. Yeah, that could be 100, 100th episode season, that's awesome thank you so much for listening and watching. We'll see you guys again next week. Bye, bye. Love by faith y'all love by faith.

Speaker 2: 38:24

I got a communication plan.

Speaker 1: 38:26

What is?

Speaker 2: 38:26

it, since you're so good at all the transitions Okay and you're so good at the close, where you're like like share, subscribe, review, if you're on this?

Speaker 1: 38:37

if you're on that, yeah, the call to actions, the CTAs.

Speaker 2: 38:41

You're in charge of those Really Every episode? Oh yes, because every time I've tried're like stop wait. No, what are you doing? I do not bite your tongue, you're just like okay, bye guys you this microphone 2025.

Speaker 1: 38:52

They should know what to do by now.

Speaker 2: 38:54

It's my point not everybody.

Speaker 1: 38:56

Okay, think about the think about our parents generation and how they still need help sending emails. Okay, and then say you want them to take actions on podcasts. You want them to know where to go to get a review. Do you know how hard it is to find Apple podcast reviews? It's like at the very bottom of the scroll.

Speaker 2: 39:19

Then are they even that important.

Speaker 1: 39:21

It's SEO they push it. It's like the more you like, the more the algorithm shows. It's the.

Speaker 2: 39:30

It's the blasted algorithm how long do we get to watch wreck it ralph with the kids?

Speaker 1: 39:35

um, excited for that so we're doing the disney movie marathon. We are currently in the year 2009, so wreck it. Ralph is so we have about ten more movies. So long I know, I just want.

Speaker 2: 39:51

Cruz Ramirez and Wreck-It Ralph.

Speaker 1: 39:52

If we could just keep watching movies, guys, then the world would be a better place. We can get it done in two weeks.

Speaker 2: 39:58

I have good news and bad news.

Speaker 1: 40:00

You're not leaving right now, are you I?

Speaker 2: 40:01

gotta go, kyle, goodbye.

Speaker 1: 40:04

Kyle, you love doing this. This, kyle, you love doing this. This is like your favorite thing to do, it is? You love to leave me on this couch? Uh, oh, I'm gonna go. It's a beautiful day. I'm gonna walk the dog.

Speaker 2: 40:20

Bye, y'all love my face.