SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Navigating Communication Triggers & Pitfalls | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #074

Kyle and Selina dive into the complex world of communication triggers & pitfalls, examining how fear, spiritual gaslighting, and misunderstandings create barriers in relationships. 

They share personal stories and practical insights to help couples navigate these challenges and build healthier communication patterns.

• Exploring the gap between what's said and what's heard through the "doormat rug" story
• Understanding how fear can cause partners to clam up or avoid important conversations
• Recognizing when spiritual language is used to deflect from addressing real issues
• Identifying triggers like crying, yelling, or shutting down that halt productive communication
• Building a safe environment where both partners feel secure enough to be vulnerable
• Shifting focus from winning arguments to creating a connection and resolution
• Starting with small steps to demonstrate commitment to the relationship
• Keeping prayer and God's guidance central to communication challenges

Join us next week as we share a practical communication plan to help you and your partner overcome these hurdles more quickly and effectively.

Chapters

• 0:00 Getting Over Communication Pitfalls
• 5:29 The Doormat Rug Misunderstanding
• 9:12 The Bird Sanctuary Tree Debate
• 16:18 Fear: The Communication Trigger
• 29:02 Building A Safe Communication Environment
• 32:16 Prayer and A Communication Plan

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

And this week's episode is getting over communication pitfalls, hang-ups. What was the other buzzword? Triggers.

Speaker 2: 0:06

And triggers. What part of what I said didn't you understand?

Speaker 1: 0:10

Then you gotta get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit communicate to him.

Speaker 2: 0:13

Yeah, we're not perfect people by any means, but by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 1: 0:26

With a Keeping it Real style. We're going to talk to you about everything everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith.

Speaker 2: 0:56

I think season three is going to be significantly different than when compared to season two or season one. Okay, I feel like season one. You were, with all due respect, you were still finding your voice. Sure, you know cause you? I really just threw you in here.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Like I'm used to.

Speaker 2: 1:12

I'm used to the YouTube and I'm used to talking and stuff, and so I just kind of threw you in there and and people really got to hear our story.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Yeah, that was awesome.

Speaker 2: 1:20

And then you know, season two was us finding our voice as Love, by Faith.

Speaker 1: 1:27

That's good, that's a good point.

Speaker 2: 1:29

And so season three with all three kids in school. Selena has five days a week to really like break down the episodes into reels and into stories and social media platforms and really in emails and you know, just really engage full, full on.

Speaker 1: 1:47

So our season of getting our roots down is coming to an end. Through the summer, and then next season, we'll be able to start sprouting.

Speaker 2: 1:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Is that? Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 2: 1:57

I think so, I would. I would how excited you are, I would.

Speaker 1: 2:01

We can't wait for you to see your face. You went from down about having to produce 75 episodes 75 edited episodes. To now.

Speaker 2: 2:13

You're just glowing about us sprouting and being able to do all this. It's really hard to explain, because the ministry and the marriage for me began at the same exact time.

Speaker 2: 2:23

Okay, I got laid off the same week I got engaged, I started a business. The same time I started a marriage. You know it was all parallel and I've always had to give and take with both. I've always had to sacrifice in one or the other. If I poured into the business, my family was suffering. If I poured into the family, the business was suffering to the point where now we're entering into the summer season and we're wrapping up season two very shortly, and it's because I want to go all in with my children and I'm willing to put this on the shelf after all these years. I'm willing to because I know that on the other end of this coming season is going to be the full-time business season.

Speaker 1: 3:10

Right.

Speaker 2: 3:10

And it's something that I've been longing for for a very long time.

Speaker 1: 3:14

See the light at the end of the tunnel? Man, yeah, it's here. Let's get in this week's episode.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Let's get in this week's episode. I feel like, guys, please forgive me, Forgive us when it comes to content. I just get so nervous and maybe this is like an old post-traumatic thing like being in online businesses but content and consistency have to go hand in hand and so anytime we have to cancel and not produce an episode for you on a weekly basis, it tears me up inside. I know, I was on my bed. You could still hear it in my sinuses and all of the mucus and stuff. I was just really pathetic over Mother's Day weekend. I didn't do much of anything. I didn't even go to church and get the free muffin. I was really upset about that, but still, it just bothers me that I have to do that. When we had the snow day, I think we only canceled like three times ever.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Well, there you go. That's a pretty good batting average.

Speaker 2: 4:17

And it still just bothers me. So forgive me, I'm growing. But thank you guys for all of your grace.

Speaker 1: 4:24

You would have forced us to do that episode. I definitely would have forced us If I didn't say no, it's Mother's Day, weekend, stop and just relax.

Speaker 2: 4:31

That was the right move. You were absolutely 100% right, and the way you came about it and the way you handled it and you didn't dilly-dally with it, you weren't passive with it and you just held your ground and that made me trust in it even more and I thank you.

Speaker 1: 4:48

You have said so much to there in that last 30 seconds. That was a great summary and we're going to break into all of that today in our communication.

Speaker 2: 4:57

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 4:57

This week's episode. We're in the Say it Like you Mean it series. We're communicating, about communicating, yes, and this week's episode is getting over communication. Pitfalls yes. Hang ups yes. What was the other buzzword? Triggers and triggers Watch out for those. Okay, I came up with an awesome icebreaker. I think it's an awesome icebreaker.

Speaker 2: 5:16

Okay.

Speaker 1: 5:17

On the topic. When was one time just one, please, because I know there's many when you thought, you communicated to me perfectly and I totally missed it.

Speaker 2: 5:32

The easiest one I can remember is our first year of marriage and I told you to get a porch rug for our balcony. Okay, Okay.

Speaker 2: 5:39

I thought I expressed very vividly and visually that I wanted an outdoor rug to cover the entire floor of our outdoor balcony, Because we lived on a second. We were in a duplex, we lived on the top floor and there we had a balcony. So I wanted to go outside, have all my plants, start a garden, blah, blah, blah and I wanted something to cover the floor. Okay, you said, I know just where to go. I got just the thing. I'll bring it on my way home.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:13

You brought a doormat.

Speaker 1: 6:14

Interesting Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:16

And I said what is this? You said it's the outdoor rug. I said where's the rest of it rug? I said where's the rest of it? You said you said a rug. I said that's right, I said a rug and to me that was the beginning of the understanding that what we say are always two different things.

Speaker 1: 6:40

I thought so. If I remember right, it was like a five by seven rug, but I like a doorman, that's like three feet. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 6:47

No, it covered just the door.

Speaker 1: 6:49

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:49

It covered just the door and I was looking for something to cover the entire balcony and cause I didn't want to just have a bunch of little rugs, because then they move around and stuff. And so, yeah, that was our first like what is this? What part of what I said didn't you understand? And you were like what part did I not understand? Like you said rug, I got you a little rug. He got me a rug and I'm like, but I meant a rug.

Speaker 1: 7:18

You meant a complete floor covering for the whole surface.

Speaker 2: 7:23

And so that's when I was like, oh snap. To me that one instance is what triggered like we're going to have to work on this for the rest of our lives. Forever, Because your vision and my vision are two different things always, and so we constantly have to go back and forth of like what do you think I said? What does this mean to you? Draw me a picture of what you're saying, like draw me the picture that you see in your head of what I just described.

Speaker 2: 7:50

That is completely incorrect. Let me draw you what I'm telling you.

Speaker 1: 7:53

I did not expect that story when I thought of this question what did you think I was going to say?

Speaker 2: 7:56

I don't know.

Speaker 1: 7:56

There's so many other.

Speaker 2: 7:57

There's, honestly, there's so many other times where I you do this to me all the time in this podcast. May I say my idea.

Speaker 1: 8:04

I thought you were going to talk about the trees. When I got the trees trimmed, See see, and I cut down the dead tree.

Speaker 2: 8:08

You do this to me all the time. You set up an icebreaker and you're like Selena. Give me a time in our lives where I looked terrible or when you hawked out and I'm just like. I don't want to keep throwing you under the bus, like I really like you. I don't want people to think you're a bad, terrible person and I don't want people to think like I'm just like hormone raging out all the time, like it's so nerve-wracking?

Speaker 1: 8:34

That's not it.

Speaker 2: 8:34

No, no, no, I did not do the tree one, because that wasn't the first, that wasn't the one that like really stuck to my heart of wow, our communication is off well, that's good, because that's the one that, like, sticks to my heart the most tell them this. You gotta tell now. You gotta tell them the communication was off.

Speaker 1: 8:48

We had tree work. We had tree workers coming to our house to take, take care of some trees I was obsessed with the trees and we had multiple dead trees.

Speaker 1: 8:55

We had multiple big branches hanging over that were like a hazard because the trees hadn't been maintained for years when we bought the house. So I was like I'm gonna get the guys out, get these trees fixed. So on our property was also a dead maple tree. It was right by our deck and birds liked it. It had a couple branches that still spit out leaves but like 90 dead tree, okay, okay, and I had them. Cut that tree down. Yes, right by our deck, yes, and my wonderful wife was very afraid that our deck would never have shade again, would never have birds around it again, and did not like that. I cut down her shade tree.

Speaker 2: 9:35

I did not say that.

Speaker 1: 9:36

Perfect.

Speaker 2: 9:37

It was a dead tree. It did not provide shade.

Speaker 1: 9:39

Take me through this. Okay, what did you say?

Speaker 2: 9:42

It was in our bird sanctuary. Bird sanctuary, we had a through this, okay, what?

Speaker 1: 9:45

did you say it was in our bird sanctuary? We had keep going. No, I'm not making fun of you.

Speaker 2: 9:48

I'm highlighting your views for the people we have a tiny little pocket that's like wrapped. Our deck is wrapped around it, where there were trees sprouting out of it.

Speaker 2: 10:00

Okay, and I told kyle tree I had the one tree, the one dead, the one dead tree, the 90% dead, one tree that's wrapped around our deck. And I told Kyle, why don't we turn this into our bird sanctuary? Because there were bird feeders in this area. There was a beautiful little bird house in this area and there was the tiniest little bird that would come every year and it had the sweetest little melody and it would build its house and it would lay its eggs and it had the sweetest little melody and it would build its house and it would lay its eggs and it would go away and it nested in this tree. So to me, I did not care about the shade, I did not care about the fruit of the tree, I cared about the habitat to maintain for these precious creatures, god's creatures, kyle, and I wanted to keep that element as part of the bird sanctuary.

Speaker 1: 10:53

The pitfall that I hear goes back to what he says and what she hears, and what she says and what he hears. Yeah, the trigger here. Yes, we talked about the pitfall of the communication gap the lost in translation translation yes but the trigger here is and was fear.

Speaker 1: 11:11

Afraid that these birds were never going to come back, yeah, afraid that this peace, this sanctuary was ruined. The huge communication trigger is fear. Right, so many times, if we're gonna clam up, we're afraid of, afraid of what we're gonna say, or afraid of how our partner is gonna react to what we say yeah, right, yeah, and for women, they're afraid of how he's gonna respond, yeah, or if he's, he's shut this conversation down. Seven times we're afraid to even bring it up again go at that conversation, right, yeah, can you?

Speaker 1: 11:44

you speak to that like? So I've moved into, like clamming up here now because of fear. Can you speak into that from a, from a woman's perspective? What causes that fear of not being wanting to speak, the fear of bringing up the subject?

Speaker 2: 12:00

I think it goes back to the roles and the expectation of a husband and wife in a Christian setting. Okay, because we're a Christian podcast and in a Christian setting we understand the godly structure of a family. You know, like, god is the head Right, the male is the leader, he's the father figure, he's the protector provider, and then the woman is, you know, the helper, et cetera, et cetera, the protective provider, and then the woman is the helper, et cetera, et cetera. And I think when women have to bring up issues that guys are not taking ownership and leadership in, then we fear A we don't want to feel like we're threatening his role as the leader. Okay, we really want you to take initiative. We really, really, really want you to take initiative. We really, really, really want you to own this, we want you to take the lead, we want you to go to church.

Speaker 2: 12:52

But if we bring it up a third, fourth, fifth time how come you're not coming to church with me and the kids Then it feels like we're causing the conflict because you already made your stance and we don't want to challenge your leadership, we don't want to challenge your authority, and it's stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 13:10

Like if there is a man who is struggling mentally and we are encouraging them to go to counseling and they just don't want to go. And we see after time and time and time they're just resisting it. They don't want to do it. Then we feel like if we continue to bring it up A it's frowned upon to be a nagging Nancy. We don't want to be seen as being nagging, we don't want to be seen as being not supportive or not submissive to the husband and we really want you to be the leader. Like we don't want to be the leader, we don't want to have to be the leader. But when you guys don't talk about these conflicts, then it feels like we're forced to be the leader and then we're out of our role, we're out of our element and so it feels off and it just becomes tense it.

Speaker 1: 14:09

Just it becomes tons. And the guys, I think from my perspective there are times where it's obvious to lead and there's times where it's less obvious to lead and I need to like, I like the encouragement when you, but when it's getting to like that fifth or sixth time where correct, or even third time where I'm missing that, yes, or where he's missing it, then you got to get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit communicate to him.

Speaker 2: 14:27

Yes.

Speaker 1: 14:27

Right, yes, and he'll get it. When he's sitting there and y'all are packed up, gone to church and he's like, oh snap, or you know, you're struggling and stressed out with getting the kids ready and he's sipping his coffee, looking out the window like that awareness to see, hey, wait, something's out of balance here. That is a huge part of understanding the communication divide.

Speaker 2: 14:53

They might not get it.

Speaker 1: 14:53

Understanding the clamming up that comes out of that, because she's not. She's clamming up on talking about this, because you're clamming up on doing your part. Right, you said they might not get it.

Speaker 2: 15:03

No, they might not get it. They might just think like, oh, that's what she wants, so I'm not going to stand in her way. But it's like-.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Ooh, can I come to the guy's side on this? Yeah, or he might feel so. He's tried so many times and it's never been right. He's always put the wrong shoes on the kid, he's always brushed the hair the wrong way, he's never had the right matching outfit, and those things cause him to withdraw from from attempting, you know. And so when this has happened with us like those are real examples that have happened with us I've, I've gone to what can I do that I know I can do? Well. Yeah, right, pack the lunch. Yeah, pack the snacks. Yeah, get the waters ready, get the coffee ready. Those are little things, but while you're brushing the girl's hair and making our daughter look awesome, I can have the water bottles ready, like there's no wrong way to put water in a water bottle, right right, so we talked about clamming we talked about hesitating to bring up conflict.

Speaker 2: 16:01

There's still so many more triggers and there's so many more pitfalls yeah that have to come with communication. Let's's just break it all down, okay, hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode, and right now we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith Playbook.

Speaker 1: 16:24

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Speaker 2: 16:44

So grab your Love by Faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it, and the good news about this is that it is a living document, so you download it one time and every single month we're going to be updating this document to give you fresh, new plays to help you and your partner Love by Faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your Love by Faith Playbook now. And let's get back into this episode. There's so many triggers and just to kind of list them all, to just say we're, we're covered most of them. You know when I think of a trigger when it comes to communication, I think of you. Know how you said people clam up, they shut down, they don't want to talk. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:33

Then you have the people who feel like they were talking and the person is not hearing them, and so they just full on, shut down in the middle of the conversation and they're just like, okay, okay, okay, uh-huh, okay. You know, I've been there before and I've been on the receiving end of that before and it's just like it sucks, you know to do that. There's the people who cry, like that was one that you brought up, where if you see someone crying in the middle of them, in the middle of a conversation, then the person who's not crying would feel like, oh snap, I've gone too far, I'm sorry, let's just talk about this later. And then they never talk about it because they're like, if I bring this up, they're going to cry.

Speaker 1: 18:13

So never ending delay of the subject.

Speaker 2: 18:14

Yes, yes, yes. Never ending delay of the subject of like oh I'm not in the mood to talk about this, oh, I'm way too busy. Can we talk about this later?

Speaker 1: 18:26

The guy keeps kicking the can. Yeah, on talking about.

Speaker 2: 18:30

So tired. I just had a long day at work.

Speaker 1: 18:32

Right, talking about X, y and Z. Yes, he's exhausted. Yes, right, maybe he's tried this talk. Maybe I've tried this talk and it's been stonewalled or it's been met with gaslighting. So I was thinking of this.

Speaker 2: 18:49

Gaslight is a huge trigger in communication.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Wait for this one Spiritual gaslighting.

Speaker 2: 18:55

Tell me about it.

Speaker 1: 18:56

You need to pray about this more. This isn't a you and me thing.

Speaker 2: 18:59

This is a you thing, and you need to go pray about this Wow.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Spiritual gaslighting If you keep telling them you need to just pray about this and figure it out. You need to pray about this and see.

Speaker 2: 19:06

God on that one. This is a you problem. It's not a me problem.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Right, wow, the shapes of gaslighting, and that goes both ways. Guys could say that too.

Speaker 2: 19:14

Sure, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 19:16

You're just not close enough to God right now. Wow, maybe you need to work on that, and so that's a huge. That's like I don't know, it's a cliff.

Speaker 2: 19:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:26

Because now the insecurity. So this is one that's going to breed insecurity.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Okay.

Speaker 1: 19:32

The insecurity of I can't talk about this. She's going to think I'm not spiritually connected with God. Wow, she's going to think I'm not being a spiritual leader because last time we talked about this she told me I needed to pray about it more. I need to pray for my healing in this. Thank you so much, told me I needed to pray about it more.

Speaker 2: 19:51

I need to pray for my healing in this.

Speaker 1: 19:52

I need to pray for my and well, yeah, praying for healing, praying for comfort, praying for words, praying for direction is real. Yeah, shutting your partner down when they're opening up to you about this and saying hey, I know, you know, you just need to pray about that especially when the problem, when the conflict is like about that partner, yeah, and they're using it to deflect or be defensive about it, like I'm not gonna.

Speaker 1: 20:14

You just need to pray about that, like you keep coming at me with this and you just need to pray about that and figure it out you know what's you know?

Speaker 2: 20:21

what's crazy to me is we only just discovered the term. It's only just become popular, the term gaslighting. Okay, 10 years ago, when we were in our, in the beginning of our marriage, nobody talked about gaslighting. Nobody talked about like this was a thing. This is something you should be mindful of. But it was there and we just didn't know how to handle it.

Speaker 2: 20:46

We didn't know how to like navigate through it yeah, or you know the mental health awareness the mental health awareness has come so far, and even just the small span of 10 years, and I I'm just so grateful for it because we I personally feel like so many people we go through so much mentally we have no idea.

Speaker 1: 21:08

Yeah, no, it's everyone we have no idea what we're going through.

Speaker 2: 21:12

And then we get together and we get married and we think it's going to be great not realizing that there are so many mental blocks from our childhood or from our adulthood or from our sin in the world before we became Christians and before all these things. And it's just. It's so hard if you're not willing to see it and take awareness of it and then try to rewire yourself.

Speaker 1: 21:41

That's right. Being willing to rewire, being teachable in this, being vulnerable, having the humility to say hey, I really struggle with this. When you start crying, I can't even take you seriously, is real yes. Or saying to your husband when you yell at me, that stops me from talking to you. When you raise your voice, even if you're not yelling at me. You're just getting loud because you're feeling emotional about this. You're passionate, yeah, you know being able to have that five seconds of courage you've talked about in the past.

Speaker 2: 22:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:15

To say these things will help him be aware and if he's a, goes back to the goodwill. It's just like how all this is so connected. It builds on each other the goodwill in a relationship. As a man, I have to know that she's got our best interest. As the woman, you have to know that I've got our best interest. My goal is for us to succeed. My goal is for us to win, and we have to be accountable to ourselves to be with that mindset. Are we trying to be right? Are we trying to be connected? Are we trying to communicate to prove our point? Are we trying to communicate to connect, to move forward, to resolve?

Speaker 2: 22:51

Resolve.

Speaker 1: 22:53

And so those are huge, huge pitfalls is when we communicate just to win.

Speaker 2: 22:57

Are we trying to make points? Are we trying to make peace Right?

Speaker 1: 24:14

And that's one that I think is easy to get out of hand Pride, and because of lack of humility, because of maybe it's just how you're wired, how your experiences have led you to feel that you need to be right.

Speaker 2: 24:26

Yeah, yeah, definitely 100%. I think something you talked about just in this sentence, in this part, was really, I think, what stops a lot of people, what becomes the pitfall is they get faced with that for lack of a better term a communication monster, the yelling, the crying, the gaslighting. They get met with that and it stops the communication completely dead in its tracks and what you're saying is call it out. A lot of couples don't get to the place where they could just call that out and put it in plain sight and just really expose what's going on in the midst of the conflict and in the midst of the communication. And because we're not brave enough or courageous enough or, you know, just tired enough to just be like bro, you're gaslighting right now, you know, or?

Speaker 2: 25:23

honey honey, you're crying and I see you and I'm all for your emotions, but this is not going to stop our conflict. Right now, like we still have to talk about this, like we need to get over the fact that we have to expose it, and the best way to do it is to say it like you mean it and like really call it for what it is. And, like you said, the only way we can get to that point is by knowing, no matter what we're in this for it to get, we're in this for each other.

Speaker 1: 25:53

We're in this for the greater good.

Speaker 2: 25:54

We're in this to make the peace and to move past, not to stir the pot and make it worse and then ultimately lead to a divorce. I think a lot of the times people think in the back of their heads that all of these conflicts are going to cause separation and separation is going to lead towards a divorce.

Speaker 1: 26:15

So they're again going back to fear.

Speaker 2: 26:18

They're going back.

Speaker 1: 26:18

yes, Going back to the doom funnel, the doom tunnel, yeah, and just spiraling.

Speaker 2: 26:24

I don't want to tell him that I just spent a ton of money on the credit card because he's going to get mad and it's the third time and he's not going to like me anymore, he's not going to love me anymore and something's going to happen to our relationship.

Speaker 1: 26:40

I more, he's not going to love me anymore and something's going to happen to our relationship. I want to go fishing so bad. But if I ask her again, she's going to tell me about all this stuff. I did wrong and forgot to do this week of my chores, of getting the house ready, and so I'm not even going to bring it up to go fishing, but I'm going to sit around and be miserable all day.

Speaker 2: 26:49

I'm not going to tell them that there's a problem in the bedroom, because then they're not going to want to do it again, and then I'm not going to have intimacy with my partner, and then we're going to fade away and they're not going to love me so these little, so it's.

Speaker 1: 27:08

I think it starts small, yeah the answer is starting small it's always the little communications to build up to the bigger ones to get it. It's maybe him having the tissue ready for her, maybe her, you know, giving him the space when he's yelling just let it out.

Speaker 2: 27:23

Let him out.

Speaker 1: 27:24

Let it out, husband, we're, I'm with you, I know you're right, let it out and and just being by him for that moment, then giving him the space to recover, giving her the space to gather herself and come back together for when the peace is there, I think, but not kicking and letting that can disappear, I think what you're saying.

Speaker 2: 27:46

It requires small steps, but the small steps have to be towards building each other up first. Okay, so what are you doing in your relationship, what are you doing in your marriage right now? That is, showing your partner that you guys are an inseparable team. What are you doing to show them that you are the safe space, that you are the place where they can be vulnerable, where they can cry, where they can yell, where they can be wrong, where they can want to prove the point that they're right and still feel like we can overcome the communication obstacles. We can overcome these pitfalls. What are you guys doing, what small steps are you taking now to show them that, no matter what they say or what they do, you love them when they get it right, you love them when they get it wrong.

Speaker 2: 28:48

Because I think if you are able to cultivate that kind of environment within your marriage, then having these conversations, it would be easier to expose the triggers. It would be easier to say I know this is how you're reacting, but we still got to get through this. It would be easier to say it's okay to share, it's okay, because you will have space to feel these feelings. You will have space to be angry. I'm not going to shut it off. I'm not going to turn you away when you are coming to me in your most vulnerable moment, even if that vulnerability looks like sadness or anger or depression, even if it looks like you are afraid and you're in denial, even if it looks like you are overlooking you're in denial, even if it looks like you are overlooking it and you're completely ignorant. To the point. Even if we have to redirect the conversation again and again, again, you are committed to this. I am committed to this, and we both know that we're here for each other and therefore, we're gonna figure out how to get through this together amen, amen.

Speaker 1: 29:50

now that's, I said it better myself, you do this all the time you say the whole point and I nothing else that there can be added to that. There has to be something, kyle, that you can tell us. It does go back to prayer. While there is spiritual gaslighting, spending time in prayer together, spending time in devotionals together to think through and think about your love and your marriage, are going to create better outcomes in these communication pitfalls and triggers. Yes, good news. Yes, I'm going to talk about next episode.

Speaker 2: 30:21

Okay.

Speaker 1: 30:22

Good news Next episode yes, we got a communication plan. Yes, we're going to talk about this. We're going to talk about the plan.

Speaker 2: 30:28

It's going to be a new resource in the playbook. A new resource in the playbook yes, and I really.

Speaker 1: 30:37

this is one of those huge topics communication that never ends.

Speaker 2: 30:39

It never ends. I was going to say this.

Speaker 1: 30:41

And as we grow and shift and we get better at communicating with each other and we learn what triggers our partner and we learn what triggers our partner and we learn what our pitfalls are and we learn how to do it better and practice it more. It grows naturally and it takes a constant evolution. I think we've put together a great episode here. Yes, lots of pitfalls, lots of triggers.

Speaker 2: 31:04

Definitely.

Speaker 1: 31:05

Lots of ways couples can work together to grow their communication.

Speaker 2: 31:08

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 31:10

And and next week we'll lay it out with a communication game plan on the love by faith podcast.

Speaker 2: 31:16

Tell us, tell us more no, I think you got this.

Speaker 1: 31:19

Keep going we're not just thinking by faith, we're not just acting by faith, we are loving by faith. The communication series to say it like you mean a communication series. The say it like you mean it, communication series.

Speaker 2: 31:33

I'm going to say it how I mean it.

Speaker 1: 31:35

Say it.

Speaker 2: 31:35

Listen, guys, kyle won't let me talk, okay? He said I talk too much and so I decided to be quiet. And now Kyle's struggling to end the episode and I'm trying to let him have what he wanted, and now he keeps trying to push me into saying things. It's true, I just told on you.

Speaker 1: 31:56

I fell into the trigger of getting overwhelmed and then getting a blank slate in my brain. Yep, that's one of them, yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:03

Guys, I guess.

Speaker 1: 32:05

Go ahead.

Speaker 2: 32:06

I honestly okay, listen.

Speaker 2: 32:08

I think this communication series is going to be a lot harder for us than we thought, because he's absolutely right.

Speaker 2: 32:18

It is a daily, daily walk to acknowledge communication, to work on yourself and your skills, to work on grace for each other and their skills and to try to overcome it.

Speaker 2: 32:34

And I think the enemy knows that what is said and what is interpreted is something that he has been using as a tactical way to separate and cause strife in a marriage since the beginning of time, and so we just have to really be mindful, like Kyle said, with prayer, and keep God close to us and so that way, we can hear what he tells us to say and what he tells us not to say, and how to say it in love, because, at the end of the day, love is where it's at, and that's what's going to help you overcome all things. So us, being human we're not perfect people we're going to keep going through this, and I think at the end of this tunnel, which is one week to go because of the off week, we are going to have a plan, a practical plan to help you and us. This is what works and this is what should be in place so that you can overcome these hurdles a lot quicker and sooner and you can get to the good parts of communication with yourself and your spouse.

Speaker 1: 33:41

Amen, amen, thank you, thank you. Thank you for having the goodwill for our relationship and our podcast to help me see it through.

Speaker 2: 33:53

I love you and please don't be bossy.

Speaker 1: 33:58

I love you and please don't be defensive. Let's pray for the people.

Speaker 2: 34:04

You pray, you pray, thank you Lord, lord, lord, god Father.

Speaker 1: 34:11

We thank you, lord, god Father, we thank you.

Speaker 2: 34:12

We thank you. We thank you for just making this a topic that we all kind of struggle with and we need to talk to you about, come to you personally with their own personal matters, because sometimes communication can be easy and we take that for granted and sometimes it's hard and we need you in those areas. So we pray that we could just hear you, you could give us wisdom and discernment, you could show us how to communicate effectively with our spouse and with our partner, so that we can talk and be on the same page and just really learn how to be in this season together in love, in safety, in community and in fellowship with you.

Speaker 2: 35:00

Lord, we give you glory and honor. We thank you, for this means to just reach your people. And we pray that you bless them today In Jesus's name amen.

Speaker 1: 35:08

Amen, amen. We appreciate you guys being here. We appreciate you guys loving by faith and being with us on this journey. We're all in it together. We're all getting better together and each week we'll be back to help you. Well, not each week, but most weeks we'll be back to help you. Love by faith.

Speaker 2: 35:31

See you guys next week. Did you do the call to action Like?

Speaker 1: 35:36

share, subscribe. Hit the email so you can get on the playbook and make sure you put five stars on Spotify. Do they know how to get the email? Go to our website Love by Faith Ministries. There's a link in the description. There's always a link in the description. There's a link. There's always a link in the description. Come on, it's 2025.

Speaker 2: 35:54

Everybody, guys no, we don't have to say this every time.

Speaker 1: 35:56

Yes, we do I would love to see a poll about this in august, when I have full-time status and I got time to put a poll together.

Speaker 2: 36:07

Yes, we're going to be pulling the mess out of this podcast.

Speaker 1: 36:11

Man, okay, last thing because I got to go.

Speaker 2: 36:15

Last thing.

Speaker 1: 36:19

What is? I'm trying to think of a question I don't know the answer to.

Speaker 2: 36:24

Don't make it a super big question.

Speaker 1: 36:31

Okay, if you could have a communication superpower.

Speaker 2: 36:32

What would it be to read your mind?

Speaker 1: 36:34

read my mind yes I was thinking if I could get you to just understand the way I'm thinking without having to like say anything. See, so both in your mind.

Speaker 2: 36:45

if I could just read kyle's mind, as the world would be a better place. I'm so late, I gotta go.

Speaker 1: 36:51

I gotta go.