SPRING CLEANING: Friends of the Opposite Sex | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #068

Navigating relationships with friends of the opposite sex requires clear boundaries and intentional communication, especially after marriage.

• Setting boundaries with opposite-sex friends becomes crucial when married or in a committed relationship
• Including your spouse in all communications with opposite-sex friends builds trust and transparency
• Some friendships naturally dissolve after marriage, revealing potential hidden intentions
• Work "spouses" create dangerous emotional connections that should be reserved for your actual spouse
• Group settings are preferable for personal conversations with opposite-sex friends
• When someone is spiritually on fire for God, their attraction can be misinterpreted
• If inappropriate feelings develop, confession, repentance, and creating distance are necessary steps
• Two becoming one flesh means respecting both partners as a unit
• Guardrails protect marriages before problems arise
• Transparency with your spouse about all interactions prevents misunderstandings

If you're listening to this podcast, we ask that you give us a review. Like, share, subscribe, review. If you're on YouTube, do all the things Kyle just mentioned and come back next week for more spring cleaning topics you won't want to miss.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Friends of the Opposite Sex
• 7:13 Friendship Changes After Marriage
• 17:02 Work Husbands and Work Wives
• 20:36 Setting Healthy Boundaries
• 28:10 When Attraction Develops: Handling Crushes
• 33:26 Final Thoughts and Prayer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So this week we're getting into friends of the opposite sex. You have no idea what someone else's heart intention is how did it change for you, once we were married, with making friends of the opposite sex?

Speaker 2: 0:11

But you don't know them, other people.

Speaker 1: 0:12

So what happens when it's gone too far?

Speaker 2: 0:15

We're not perfect people.

Speaker 1: 0:16

By any means.

Speaker 2: 0:18

But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to build a friendship.

Speaker 1: 0:22

A relationship.

Speaker 2: 0:23

And marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 1: 0:27

With a Keeping it Real style. We're going to talk to you about everything everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith. What a day at work I had. Oh, that was such a rough one. I'm back here on the couch with you, though.

Speaker 2: 1:02

That's right. This is important. This is ministry work.

Speaker 1: 1:07

It's wonderful work. I love being here with our team, with our people, with our microphones.

Speaker 2: 1:14

Who's our team?

Speaker 1: 1:16

You, me, the Holy Spirit and everyone listening. That's right, you guys are our team, the camera there that's our team.

Speaker 2: 1:26

Amen the lights, they're our team they're the team, they're the lighting team, light one and light two let's go and light three.

Speaker 1: 1:32

Can't forget about light three can't forget about light three.

Speaker 2: 1:34

That's special secret.

Speaker 1: 1:36

Light three, yes so we were going through our idea book, we're like we had a plan for april and holy spirit totally just derailed it and was like I don't think that's the way you should go.

Speaker 2: 1:48

I don't think. Yeah, I feel like we're just coming back from break and we're about to head into the spring season and we did have everything completely lined up all the way into the end of season two. But as we were looking at it, I just felt like some of the conversations that we were going to have were almost reminders and almost like continuations of conversations that we've already had. And in looking in our book and our planning team, we just felt like there was a lot of loose hanging conversations that we couldn't necessarily place anywhere, but they needed to be had, and so Kyle came up with a brilliant idea of spring cleaning.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Welcome to the spring cleaning series where we're going to clean out our idea book.

Speaker 2: 2:42

We're cleaning out our idea book with some conversations that you guys would definitely find helpful and interesting, but don't really necessarily go with a particular series.

Speaker 1: 2:55

Right, so they're going to be one topic this week, one topic next week Just random topics and they're not going to be the usual monthly series that we do.

Speaker 2: 3:02

Flow type A. This is for the type B listeners and watchers right here this is for you guys to just have different topics every single week that are going to be helpful, informative, insightful, funny, uh, interesting. All the things serious, serious, yeah, yeah, they're serious yeah definitely serious. These are topics that I think a lot of people are just like what about this topic and what about this thing? Yep, Like what are we going to talk about that? Well, we're talking about it now. Okay, You're welcome. Thank us later.

Speaker 1: 3:33

So this week we're getting into friends of the opposite sex.

Speaker 2: 3:38

Yes.

Speaker 1: 3:39

So who's your guy best friend?

Speaker 2: 3:41

I don't, I don't have a guy best friend Trick. Question me, selena, oh snap, ask it again. I totally messed that up. Do it again.

Speaker 1: 3:49

Do it again, okay so we're getting into friends of the opposite sex. Yes, who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Selena kyle.

Speaker 2: 3:57

I only have one friend in the whole world one friend and that's you I think you oversold that.

Speaker 1: 4:06

Dang it okay. You know what?

Speaker 2: 4:08

guys. Okay, well, you know where I am, you know where my heart is. That's awesome. My heart is I don't have guys, friends of the opposite sex no, but per se.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Seriously, though, was it like that always?

Speaker 2: 4:18

it was not like that. Always I had best friends who were guys, and it's so interesting, oh my gosh, it's so interesting. Oh my gosh, it's so interesting because when I came back from college, I had close guy friends and.

Speaker 2: 4:29

I would call them first, I would kick it with them and of course, we were a big group people that came from my college who lived in the same city. We all hung out together. We were the crew right, it was the crew, and so the crew would get together. But I would mainly talk to this other guy, and I remember specifically saying like hey, are there any feelings here?

Speaker 1: 4:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:50

Like I put it out there, I was like, are there any feelings there? I just want you to know that I I do not share any feelings in that way and I don't want this to get weird, I just want to be friends.

Speaker 2: 5:01

Okay, so I've had, I had multiple guy friends and I said the same thing to all of the guy friends because I was not in a position, I was, I was just, I had other tastes and other types and my head was just in one way with certain guys and then it was a different way with these guys. And so there were strictly friend zone friends Okay.

Speaker 1: 5:21

But it was clear they knew.

Speaker 2: 5:23

It was clear. Zone friends, okay, man, but it was clear, they knew, it was clear, they knew right.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Yes, and I, I made it I and I would ask them often and I'd be like, hey, make sure this is cool, are we good?

Speaker 2: 5:31

or do we need to? You know we okay. So there, um, but what's interesting is when you find the one that you're serious with yeah the dynamic of the friendships change and then the true intent of the heart is revealed okay okay, so I had guy friends yeah once I met you right who, it started to get serious with you and we started to you know, we got engaged, we got married. All of a sudden, guy friends would just cut me off, dismiss, disappear completely yeah, it seemed.

Speaker 1: 6:03

I mean, I met some of these friends and it seemed like they just fizzled away Completely.

Speaker 2: 6:08

Like no explanation, where I have other guy friends who are still there to this day, who recognize you, acknowledge you, respect you, and I can have conversations, I could share side jokes with them and it's cool because they respect us right but the guys who disappeared lets me know like, oh, there was something else there or it just was. Life just happened and life could have just happened their way.

Speaker 1: 6:39

That's how I had to, you know, asking myself the same question. I didn't have like a ton of friends who were girls. I had one and we were really good friends, like in my early 20s.

Speaker 2: 6:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:49

And like right before we met.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:52

Our friendship kind of just. She moved to a whole other country. Right Another continent, yeah, For school, and so our friendship fizzled because she was gone, and then I met you. Yeah old because she was gone and it was just then I met you. Yeah, and the rest is history yeah and then, uh, I remember she popped up like right when we were about to get married okay and she wanted to be part of the wedding and I was like you don't even know my, my fiance's name, like, and I was.

Speaker 1: 7:16

I felt bad to like, like no, we can't do that. But at the same time it was like I gotta show respect to selena yeah and show you know, honor the honor, honor our friendship yeah and protecting it from that and again. There was never any like thing there, but so through that we've had friends who are of the opposite sex before we got married before we got married yes how did make? How did? I'm gonna ask this how did it change for you, once we were married, with making friends of the opposite sex?

Speaker 2: 7:49

How did it change for me, once we got married, of friends with the opposite sex?

Speaker 1: 7:54

Once we were married, how did making friends of the opposite sex change?

Speaker 2: 7:59

So for me personally, you were included in all things.

Speaker 2: 8:02

Right. For me personally, you were included in all things. Right. You were included in all things because I had to set boundaries and I would like to think that guys who meet me would understand that the boundaries that I made were not impersonal to them, but it was personal to me in my head, like it was personal to my marriage, and so because you're seeing me as a wife married with somebody, like that is just what the boundary is Like. This is not because I'm attacking you or anything like that, and so I have friends, but it's I just pass them to you. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 8:43

So it's like okay, like if somebody is placed on my heart, you know heart and it's a guy and I'm just like, oh man, I should reach out to this, and I'm like, no, I'm not going to reach out to that because that could look weird, that could be seen as weird, and so I'm just like, hey, kyle, go check on that guy. Yeah, or if I have to text them about anything, I include you in the chat, because what ends up happening is I never want to give the impression that I am trying to sidebar or DM somebody, where any of my words or actions or behaviors could be taken and twisted in a different light, because what I do with someone could be one thing, but how the world perceives what I do could be completely different. And so I try to protect myself at all costs Like I never. You will never find me, you know you know, and even like being alone in a room with somebody.

Speaker 2: 9:41

Like I have guy brothers in the church that I've known for years, who have seen me at my worst, who have seen me at my best, and being alone in a room with them for more than 10 minutes, like bring a kid in here, like somebody needs to be in the room, not because I feel like something's going to happen, but just because that it's not my place to be your minister.

Speaker 2: 10:02

It's not my place to to to get deep, my place to to to get deep with you, and there's only so much we can do at a surface level before we're just like all right, awkward silence, like what do we do, where do we go?

Speaker 1: 10:12

it's good so you build in these, you build in these um boundaries. Yes, so that these is. These situations don't pop up yes so you don't end up in a situation, uh, like I'm thinking about, like that old will and jada thing, where, what was it?

Speaker 1: 10:29

a situation ship, no it was uh uh, yes, there will never be entanglements over here yeah and so I remember, if you know, we did have to text someone like selena, I need you to reach out to this lady and ask her this. I need to reach out to this lady and tell her this and like, that's it. And I work with a ton of women, right? Yeah, like yeah, it's just normal, normal life and there's nothing you know. Thankfully, it's just, it's just straight work relationship. Yeah, you gotta leave it at work. Like you said, don't give any room for that misconstrued chat, that misconstrued message, that misconstrued chat, that misconstrued message, that misconstrued. I'm not sitting around having lunch with these people at work, right?

Speaker 2: 11:14

I'm glad you brought up work because, some people have work husbands and work wives. How do you feel about that?

Speaker 1: 12:32

I don't prescribe to that. I would never label someone my work wife, okay.

Speaker 2: 12:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Because you're my wife. Period wife is such a important title to me yes that I could never disrespect you yes by even putting somebody in that category of yes my anything yes, right yes, and so I can't imagine you would ever be like oh yeah, that's my work husband, unless you're talking about about Sonny Jim, which even then our dog you're not a big fan of him either.

Speaker 2: 13:00

To say that, no, I'm not, no, that dog, that dog gets on my nerves. But to say that you are somebody's office married partner opens doors for you to do married things, not necessarily physical. Okay, I'm not saying you guys are sneaking away in a broom closet, but what I'm saying is why are they, particularly your husband or wife? Is it because you're opening access to them to pour into you or to lean on you or to depend on you or to you know, do things that a husband or wife should be doing? You know, like, are you having problems at the house and then you're taking that to your work wife and dumping, like that is. That is red flags. It's red flags.

Speaker 2: 13:50

Are you going to your work husband because he's buying you Dunkin' Donuts every morning and that's why he's your husband? That's a red flag. You have a man giving you gifts. That's not your husband and your husband's cool with that, your husband's cool with that your husband's cool with. And somebody who's listening I promise you somebody out there is listening right now and they're like what's wrong with that? Saves me money. I hear you, but at the same time, bro, like they're getting at your girl's heart. You're giving them access to your girl's heart, and the only one that should have access to your girl's heart is God and you, because you made a vow and it's a covenant, and that covenant should not be easily broken over some dunky dunks. You know what I'm saying, so it's serious, it's serious.

Speaker 1: 14:37

That's.

Speaker 2: 14:38

You know. That's why, like I said, like the, the, the boundaries that I set in place might seem very strict and might be like oh, come on. So you know, like that's that's, that's a lot, that's going extra, but you have no idea what someone else's heart intention is. When they're texting you late at night, when they're sharing these jokes with you, when they're giving you gifts, when they're holding your conversation and your attention a little bit longer than your spouse should be, it gets dangerous and it's kind of like an unseen trap, because then what happens when things aren't good at the house?

Speaker 2: 15:17

And then you're like well, this person makes me feel good, Well, this person is easy to talk to and I know what ends up happening. A lot in church is girls who have issues won't normally at first go to other girls to talk about issues. They'll go to guys. You think so they do. They go to leaders of the church who are primarily men and they'll talk about their issues with men because they feel safe around the men, because they feel protected by the men, because they feel security coming from the man.

Speaker 1: 15:55

Even if they're married or not.

Speaker 2: 15:56

Even if they're married or not. Here's the thing, kyle. I don't know if you know this and people who are listening tell me if you guys know this, but when a woman, if there's a single woman out there, or even if there's a woman period and they see a man on fire for God, there's an attraction for the Holy Spirit that's inside that man which will make them attracted to that man.

Speaker 1: 16:19

Okay, that makes sense Okay.

Speaker 2: 16:21

And so, because they're attracted to the man, they're going to want to try to get to the man. Okay, doesn't necessarily mean they're going to try to steal and be a homewrecker, but they're going to try to get some of that man for themselves. They might go to that man for problems. They might go for that man to just pour into me, disciple me, teach me.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Okay.

Speaker 2: 16:40

And then that kind of relationship because, oh, we're just friends.

Speaker 1: 16:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:44

Oh, I'm not. It's not against the wife, it's against you. But you have a liking to this person who should be very guarded because of his stance in his marital status.

Speaker 1: 16:56

So it leads me to two questions. Question one, yes. How do we take ownership of our emotions and guard ourselves against spreading that to the wrong direction, spreading that energy that I want, that Holy Spirit from this person, energy, to the wrong way? How do we do that? How do we catch ourselves and stop ourselves from going that wrong way?

Speaker 2: 17:19

I mean I'm not a pastor, you know. I'm sure pastors go through this. I'm sure when they're speaking like there are people getting thrown at them and I mean this goes back before. This goes for women as well. There's a woman out there and wow, she's a proverb 31 like I could talk to her about anything. Like I'm sure guys will also go to women only to talk about their problems.

Speaker 1: 17:41

Your face yeah, no, I'm thinking about that and I like, there, I can't imagine that like there are guys who will go to women for emotional support. Yes, yes, well, I mean, I can, I can imagine that like, that, like, but I can't imagine myself going, but just amen so does that come back to? They're not getting that emotional support at home Could be. They're not getting the chance to just share.

Speaker 2: 18:03

It could boil down to daddy and mom issues.

Speaker 1: 18:06

Okay.

Speaker 2: 18:07

You know, it depends on how far back the trauma is.

Speaker 1: 18:10

I mean and this could go into, I think about, like, when guys share their feelings. There's a big push for when guys share their feelings to their wives yes, for wives to not just rationalize why they're upset or to talk down why the guy is mad or get mad at him for bringing up an issue that was troubling him, right? So I bring up, why do you make the bet every day? It makes me so mad and then you're like, and then you get mad at me and like, without even establishing that my feelings are hurt or that my you know what I mean, and so then I have?

Speaker 1: 18:47

no, it's a roadblock to us communicating.

Speaker 2: 18:49

So, it goes back to communication, the lack of communication the lack of emotional connection is causing him to seek emotional connection somewhere else.

Speaker 1: 19:04

So then he finds a friend who's there. Oh, how are you? How's your day? I'm a little upset. Well, what's going on? You know you could tell me anything you want and the same happens can happen for her right. I'm thinking about this right, like guys yeah I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to hear about yeah, you want me to make the bed like I don't care.

Speaker 2: 19:15

Leader, like does anybody need prayer? I need prayer, can I? Can I talk to you a little bit? Afterwards, yeah, I really have some things on my chest that I want to get off and I just want to make sure the husband that doesn't want to go to small group you know, yeah, I mean the wife that's like no, I'm good, I'm not going to small group this week yeah, so so to answer, go back into the questions. Um, how can somebody do that?

Speaker 1: 19:36

how do we, how do we put up the?

Speaker 2: 19:38

The first thing you want to do is never limit your Holy Spirit in action.

Speaker 1: 19:43

Okay.

Speaker 2: 19:43

You always let that light shine. God is doing something in you, he's doing something through you, and the last thing you want to do is put a basket over that light and dumb it down because you are afraid that someone is going to be attracted or drawn to it. What you can do for your human self, like while your Holy Spirit is being activated and while they're preaching and healing and encouraging and teaching and pastoring, discipling all the things what you can do is you put your boundaries in place.

Speaker 2: 20:13

You put those guardrails up and if there is a person of the opposite sex who is like I really want to do this, you immediately are like, okay, I'm going to get a third party to come with me, selena, you're coming with me.

Speaker 2: 20:26

You know like oh my wife and I let's go out to lunch with you. Or you know, oh, my homie over here. You know another guy like hey, let's come and talk about it together. You, let's come and talk about it together. You know, um, you definitely bring, if you're married, you definitely bring the spouse. You try to include the spouse as much as possible and you can let them know a problem. Like, hey, I just want to bring my spouse into this because she is a woman. She has the female perspective that I never could have.

Speaker 1: 20:49

Right.

Speaker 2: 20:50

Period.

Speaker 1: 20:50

Right.

Speaker 2: 20:51

Period, and I think that it is the responsibility. If you're going to have that kind of authority or that leadership role, you're definitely going to be putting those things in place. And if you don't have them in place, bro, and then things just start lingering, that is sticky water. That's sticky water, it's trouble. I don't care, I don't have a good phrase for it right now. Yes, I don't, but troubled water water sticky paper, whatever, whatever you want to call it sticky situation it is.

Speaker 2: 21:27

You want to keep your eye on that leader, because they know what they're responsible to do and they're not putting it in place, and so so regardless leader, layperson, minister, non-minister, single, married.

Speaker 1: 21:41

It sounds like it goes back to accountability.

Speaker 2: 21:44

Accountability, with yourself holding boundaries, yeah, and this is not to say that you can't have friends of the opposite sex. It's just we have to treat them like brothers and sisters.

Speaker 1: 21:56

There's a healthy way to do it.

Speaker 2: 21:57

Yes.

Speaker 1: 21:58

The DMs aren't happening. No I think that's a bad move.

Speaker 2: 22:02

Like I said, anything that cannot be done in public should not be done, period.

Speaker 1: 22:07

No, I'm going to say no there. Okay, because in public we could chat one-on-one. If I go chat with one of your friends after Sunday service, you're not going to be like that after Sunday service. You're not gonna be like that's weird.

Speaker 2: 22:17

No.

Speaker 1: 22:18

But if I chat with one of your friends on my phone, that's weird.

Speaker 2: 22:22

That's what I said. Anything that cannot be done in public cannot, should not be done, Period. If I see you across the hall talking to girls, but if I'm like I'm not going to, like I'm going on after work with your friend.

Speaker 1: 22:36

That's weird. Like chatting after work with your friend is weird. Chatting after work with another lady, another dude, is not gonna fly, it's gonna.

Speaker 2: 22:44

It's gonna deteriorate the trust yes it's the trust yes, it's the emotional goes back to the trust you're lending those emotions to someone else when you're supposed to be focused on your partner and I I there are people who are going to be like well, I'm very secure in the relationship that I have with my husband and they can go out and do whatever they want because I know for a fact that nothing's going to happen on their end. That's cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. You married them. You're supposed to have that trust. Kudos to you. And that trust you don't. But you don't know them other people. You don't know the heart intent of those other people. You didn't marry those other people. You have no idea what other people are going to say and even if the person, the friend that your spouse is talking to, is cool, the rest of the world, you don't know what they're saying. You have to guard your union, protect it.

Speaker 1: 23:32

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:33

At all costs.

Speaker 1: 23:34

We have a special guest, this guy.

Speaker 2: 23:36

You see what I'm talking about you see what I'm talking about with this dog. Oh heck no.

Speaker 1: 23:43

He's here. He's here for the party. Oh heck, he's doing great. He's got his Sonny Jim ladies and gentlemen, sonny Jim has entered the chat.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Sonny Jim has entered the chat, so that is what I have to say about it. Um, you did have another question though.

Speaker 1: 24:04

No, I asked that. I asked about the. How do you protect yourself? How do you set up the boundaries? Yeah, how does that happen and what? And how do you set up the boundaries?

Speaker 2: 24:11

I, I will say that if you have a friend because there I mean it's inevitable you're gonna have friends, you're not just gonna have girlfriends or just guy friends you know you're gonna have friends.

Speaker 2: 24:22

But, um, how do you keep it healthy? Right, you know, yep, how do you keep it healthy? I would say you keep the personal matters in group settings. Yeah, you keep the um friendly banter and the the, you know, sibling connection there. That's something that you guys can share together. Yeah, um, you can still pray for each other. You know, I, I person, my comfort level is I would pray with a guy, but I would have kyle with me if I'm praying with somebody of the opposite sex, because you are tapping into that spiritual intimacy, and you know I, I just it makes me feel comfortable knowing that I am doing that with another guy. It doesn't have to be my husband, just, hey, guy, come with me, let's pray together in this with this person. I think, um, guarding your heart on what you share and having letting your husband or letting your wife know, like this is what I'm comfortable with you doing with women yeah or you know with if my husband, you know this is what I'm comfortable with you doing or not doing.

Speaker 2: 25:34

And then if you see something and sharing that immediately, like don't just let that slip under the rug but share it immediately, of like this is I don't feel comfortable with this.

Speaker 2: 25:47

You don't necessarily have to say it's right or wrong, because to them, in their perspective, it might be totally fine and they might be like what's the problem? But if you're sharing your feelings, nobody can take that away from you and you can just be like I am not comfortable with this, I don't feel comfortable with this, I don't feel I just this isn't cool for me. Then, out of respect for your spouse, you would do what it takes to make things comfortable.

Speaker 1: 26:14

And you put yourself in their shoes, right, like what if this person, what if your spouse was coming to you like hey, you know I've been texting joe for 17 you know days saying that ain't cool, like why you texting joe, why aren't you texting me, right, you know I got one. One last hard question on this. Yes, friends of the opposite sex yes and this is like extreme, hypothetical but extreme.

Speaker 2: 26:38

Okay.

Speaker 1: 26:40

What would you say to a lady who came to you married lady, okay, and she's like Selena. I need help.

Speaker 2: 26:48

I got a crush on this dude and he's not my husband.

Speaker 1: 26:51

Because this is what we're trying to avoid, that's what we're trying to do. So what happens when it's gone too far? I know I put you on the spot, but I'm just taking it in my head. How far? What are we helping couples avoid? We're helping couples avoid this, but someone might be there.

Speaker 2: 27:06

I mean, everything happens, everything flows out of the heart. And so if you have a crush on somebody who's not your husband, you're already committing adultery. You're already doing it. And so how do you come out of committing adultery? You repent right you confess, you repent, right, and then you turn away from it, and so what? I would tell them. First of all, I'd be like okay, girl, let's, let's talk about it, let's, let's see. Where did it happen? When did when did this start?

Speaker 2: 27:34

right and I'd be like do you feel, do you want to change this?

Speaker 2: 27:38

right like I'm not going to tell you what to do if your heart's not ready to do something you know. So are you ready to change this? Like, do you want to turn away from this? Are we ready to confess? Are we ready to repent? Okay, now we've got to bring your husband in here. You got to tell him. Okay, you got to tell him. And then from there, do y'all need counseling, because this is a matter that you might not be able to handle on your own. There's there's some trust that might be broken. There's some reconciliation that's going to take definitely a lot more challenges to to accomplish right you know, and it might be something that you're not able to do on your own.

Speaker 2: 28:14

It could be, but maybe you might need some more help, and this, this is the time to do it now, not when it gets worse. And then the second thing you'd have to do is you had a prune.

Speaker 2: 28:22

Right Separation, you got a prune If you got a crush on somebody, y'all need to go to a different service. Y'all need to go to a different ministry, a different small group. You need to avoid contact with this person. Okay, you don't necessarily have to be like for the past 17 years, I had a crush on you, I've been madly in love with you, I've been thinking about you. You don't have to say all that to them, but you need to cut ties. And if the hey, what happened? We used to be cool. You know, I'm just working on myself.

Speaker 1: 28:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:49

I'm just working on myself. And then every time you get a friend with you or you got your accountability partner with you, because you cannot be, you cannot trust yourself to be with this person without having something grow from it, and so you need to put yourself in a. The spirit is willing.

Speaker 1: 29:10

Right.

Speaker 2: 29:11

The flesh is weak. So if you go back to this person and he triggers something and he, oh he's so charming those dimples, is that me? You're right back in the same. Oh, come on, it's, you're putting yourself right back in the same position, and so you have to prune it.

Speaker 1: 29:28

Yeah, yeah, prune it, it's, it's emotional cutting to go, even if you're going after someone who's already taken yes you know you're. And then you got the disappointment of yourself, disappointment of your feelings not getting met, your needs not getting met.

Speaker 2: 29:40

You can grow resentful for your spouse because they're not that person. That's a whole other conversation. That's a whole other conversation that we don't have time for today, but man.

Speaker 1: 29:51

So it's just the.

Speaker 2: 29:52

Friends, bro, how many of us have them?

Speaker 1: 29:56

That's good to know. I'll close with this. I think that the essential is the boundaries, yes, the respect for the marriage.

Speaker 1: 30:04

Yes is the respect for yourself and your partner yes to love them the way god calls you to one-on-one, adam and eve. Yes, you and your adam, you and your eve, having eyes only for each other, not getting, not getting pulled to the left or the right, and when it does happen or you feel that pull, cutting it as quick as you can, including your partner in those hard talks, in those hard conversations, and praying through it, and the trust will stay. The trust will be stronger.

Speaker 2: 30:39

Yes.

Speaker 1: 30:40

Right, I mean hard times make better relationships. It's no pressure, no diamonds, right, yeah, it's going through. That makes it better.

Speaker 2: 30:51

I'll leave with this thought when you get married, two flesh become one. You're one. One You're one, her and me. We're one. If you can't be friends with one, you can't be friends with none of us.

Speaker 1: 31:02

That's good.

Speaker 2: 31:03

Yeah, if you can't receive, if you can't acknowledge, if you can't respect one, you can't respect none of us. You're not respecting none of us. You're not acknowledging one of us. You don't get to pick and choose which one of us is your friend or who you're going to go to. You come to us, because we're one man.

Speaker 1: 31:22

It's good we're running low on time for today and I got to go. Let's pray for the people, for us, for our ministry. Lord, we are grateful. We are thankful for this time, Lord, we're thankful for the energy to be here to share. Lord, that your Holy Spirit has guided us through this talk today. I pray that the couples hearing this would be able to take it, apply what they're hearing and use them for growth, use it for joy, use it for peace, use it for Holy Spirit action in their life. Lord, I pray for our relationship, that we stay strong, that we keep our boundaries and guardrails up, Lord, and I pray for those relationships that we stay strong, that we keep our boundaries and guardrails up, Lord, and I pray for those relationships out there that they would be in the same, that they would apply the same guardrails and boundaries to keep their marriage strong. In Jesus' name, amen.

Speaker 2: 32:13

Amen. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to Love by Faith and having us back after the spring break. If you're listening to this podcast, we ask that you give us a review.

Speaker 1: 32:24

Like share. Subscribe review.

Speaker 2: 32:26

If you're on YouTube, do all the things Kyle just mentioned and come back next week because it's going to be random. We're spring cleaning.

Speaker 1: 32:34

We're going to spring clean some more.

Speaker 2: 32:35

We're spring cleaning everything out, and so it's definitely a topic you won't want to miss. Love. We're going to spring clean some more.

Speaker 1: 32:38

We're spring cleaning everything out, and so it's definitely a topic you won't want to miss. Love by faith. Y'all Sunny, any words, any words of wisdom before we go.

Speaker 2: 32:44

No, this dog doesn't talk.

Speaker 1: 32:45

Okay, love by faith, y'all.

Speaker 2: 32:47

Love by faith y'all. We'll see you next week. Bye, bye, you know we're going gonna get viral because of this dog. I can't believe he showed up. No, it wasn't fun I don't.

Speaker 1: 33:01

I don't know if he'll go viral, but he's so handsome, everybody all everybody loves sunny gem.

Speaker 2: 33:05

How could he not go viral? You know why so polite. Look, he came for you guys, look at this.

Speaker 1: 33:11

He fits perfectly. I get it up, the picture, I get it, but look at this dirty beard there I have my reasons why this dog is she's talking about my dog. It's getting personal. You ever seen John Wick? You gotta watch that. Why you don't mess with a person's dog. Bye y'all.

Speaker 2: 33:29

This dog messes with me. You guys just don't know it, because the cameras are on. Wait till the cameras come off. Then he's gonna be like oh, feed, come off. Then he's gonna be like oh, feed me. Oh, let me go out. Oh, I'm running away and not listening to you. Oh, I'm gonna just dirty this mess over here. We have something in common. Run away, not listening to you, oh my gosh.