LOVE, SEX, FLOWERS & CHOCOLATE: The S*X Episode | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #061

This is the episode that was the most challenging to produce... welcome to the s*x episode!

This episode focuses on the challenges couples face in maintaining intimacy amid life's distractions. We discuss practical strategies to foster deeper connections in relationships, the dynamics of communication, and the importance of understanding each other's needs.

• Exploring the frustrations of married life and parenting 
• Understanding the connection between daily interactions and intimacy 
• Rethinking societal expectations around romance and physical affection 
• Managing hormonal changes and their impact on desire 
• The importance of scheduling time for intimacy 
• Overcoming shame and fear in the marriage bed 
• Introducing the concept of a '30-day intimacy challenge' 
• Emphasizing communication as the key to connection 
• Practical tips for nurturing love despite busy lives 

Reach out to us and let us know if this episode helped you improve your relationship!

🔗 Links & Apps to Help Christian Couples Get Physically Intimate! 🔗

Article: Best Marriage Apps for Christian Couples

Chapters

• 0:00 Love, Sex, and Marriage
• 9:47 Understanding Intimacy in Relationships
• 22:47 Building Confidence in Physical Intimacy
• 26:40 Enhancing Marriage Connection Through Intimacy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This is the podcast that the enemy did not want you to have. It's been crazy. We're not going to let it end. Today, this message is getting out, and I hear a kid coming already. This is Love, Sex, Flowers and Chocolate.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Is it?

Speaker 1: 0:11

done. Episode 2. Yes, the sex episode.

Speaker 2: 0:15

We're not perfect people.

Speaker 1: 0:16

By any means.

Speaker 2: 0:18

But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build a friendship.

Speaker 1: 0:22

A relationship.

Speaker 2: 0:23

And marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 1: 0:27

With a Keeping it Real style. We're going to talk to you about everything everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome All by learning how to lean on God and each other. In order to help you learn how to love by faith, love sex, flowers and chocolate.

Speaker 2: 1:00

I feel like this week is a reflection of all of the frustrations that couples actually go through. Oh yeah, when experiencing this topic.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Dude. Yes, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Yeah, Because I'm preoccupied, trying to get ready for the upcoming weekend.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Chasing everybody around trying to get work done right, trying to get the house in shape, trying to relieve my wife from having to do too much.

Speaker 2: 1:27

And then there are so many children, interruptions in so many forms and the week went completely not how it was supposed to go.

Speaker 1: 1:39

Who hasn't been there right?

Speaker 2: 1:40

You know, and everything has just been, I've been tired and stressed and overworked and just going with the flow and trying to keep my head above water, and then you have this topic.

Speaker 1: 1:51

And we're on like nine days straight of kids waking up in the middle of the night. Different kids, different night, different reasons.

Speaker 2: 1:56

Yes, and so there's so many interruptions and disruptions and I would like to think that when you know, as a married couple, when you guys have good intentions on focusing on being physically intimate and engaging in sexual acts, you know for your marriage bed, things like this come up.

Speaker 1: 2:15

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 2:15

You know, you have the interruptions, you have the spontaneous plan changes, you have the change in energy. You're too tired, you're frustrated, you're trying to keep your head above water and then bam oh, now we have to do this.

Speaker 1: 2:28

That lady at 10 am that's sending you the text messages like hey, today's going to be a great day, wink, wink. Right, it's not the same lady who you walk in the house to at five o'clock.

Speaker 2: 2:37

Yeah, no, absolutely not, absolutely not.

Speaker 1: 2:40

And that's how the week was, man. It was just like today's the day. We're going to get this podcast done, we're going to do this, we're all set. Nope, nope, sick kid Not happening, interrupted. Yeah, wait, you got to go pick up this kid from school. Oh my gosh, not happening. Wait, your work's got. You got this thing. You got to go to. Yeah, early for everybody gets up. Nope, nope, kid was up for an hour Interruptions. So let's bring this back to the romantic side to get in there.

Speaker 2: 3:09

Let's go back to the series we're in this month long series of love, sex, flowers and chocolate. And if you guys caught on the last episode, we talked about love and how to make Valentine's day more intentional and how to really make it and own it and create traditions to have you longstanding. But then the other part of love, especially in a Valentine's Day season leading into Valentine's Day itself, a lot of times sex is either an expectation or it's an intention, or it's a desire, or sometimes it's just a straight out gift like I don't want your chocolate, I don't want your flowers. Just give me the love making and we can call it a day like I'd rather buy you something for that moment okay then to buy flowers and bouquet you know like.

Speaker 2: 3:57

So this is a very important topic, especially in this season, and I would like to think that not every couple can go into this topic with ease.

Speaker 1: 4:07

Right, that's for sure. I hear it from guys. You hear it from ladies. We want to. I think I'm going to just break it down. You always tell me this. I love this. When I first heard this saying about women, it really helped me understand things and how to be better romantically and how to be better to initiate the bedroom time, and that women are like spaghetti. It's all connected. What happens at 7 am absolutely influences what happens at 9 pm.

Speaker 2: 4:40

Yes, or what happens on Monday and Tuesday, anduesday and wednesday, right?

Speaker 1: 4:44

it's gonna roll into your friday and so it starts with connecting so much more deeper than physical. Right, absolutely being romantic starts days ahead of the actual romantic event being physically intimate starts days right I'm gonna say romantic instead of physically intimate, because it feels better okay, is that okay?

Speaker 2: 5:02

it could be two different things, though I know A romantic dinner should not equal sex in bed.

Speaker 1: 5:09

Okay, you know what I mean, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:10

Rubbing somebody's feet after a long day or drawing them a nice bubble bath which is romantic, should not always equate. I'm doing this to get some, so I think we should separate it. I think we should separate it, because there are a lot of times when there's a husband or there's a wife who is going out of their way to be romantic, but then the other person is very apprehensive to receive it, because they think well, what's at the end of this?

Speaker 1: 5:36

What's the catch?

Speaker 2: 5:37

What are you trying to get, and so they're not really receiving it wholeheartedly as just a romantic gesture, because they're always feeling like it's a give and take, and so we need to.

Speaker 2: 5:48

Honestly, I think we need to separate it okay we need to do more romantic acts without a takeaway from that without the physical expectation and that's not to say that somebody would feel so in loved by that act that it would lead into that, but to make it a tit for tat, like I'm doing this so that you can get this or that's what the expectation is. That's how we've conditioned our marriage to be. I think we need to break free of that.

Speaker 1: 6:13

Let me ask you a loaded question, oh dear. How many times a week is the right number of times?

Speaker 2: 6:20

To do it yeah. Oh man, oh, this is a good question. Yeah, that's why it's a loaded question. When we were first married, when we were young, in our marriage we were always told a good average is like two and a half okay okay, two and a half two and a half

Speaker 2: 6:36

okay because the half could be like, not all the way but, something in the field with something physical okay and so when we were young and this was like right at the beginning of us having children, we, I'm so nervous about what you're gonna say we felt a lot of pressure because we weren't meeting that average expectation, and so then we were like, oh no, our, our marriage bed isn't what it should be. We need to work on this.

Speaker 2: 7:03

We're not good at being physical we put a lot of pressure in that two and a half number. So, then we started saying like, well, we don't have time and we have a new baby and we're trying, you know, or I'm pregnant, you know all these things. And so we were like, okay, we're going to schedule it, we're going to schedule it, and that worked for a time.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Scheduling was great in that season.

Speaker 2: 7:21

It worked for a great time, you know because we then mentally I can prepare for that, so that if something were to happen in the spaghetti mess, you know early on, I knew later in that spaghetti.

Speaker 2: 7:34

There's going to be this time together and so I have to mentally prepare myself. Kyle was excited because he knew like finally, like I'm going to get there, like there's no like backing out and you know all these things. But of course, our focus to me personally, I think our focus was too much on meeting that average measure, okay, and so eventually you know hormones and kids and time and work and all of the things got in the way and we weren't able to meet the two and a half. We've talked about this before, guys. We've talked about the 30 day challenge. We talked about how the 30 day challenge really helped us understand ourselves to the point where we don't. We no longer need to schedule it, we no longer need to focus on a two and a half number, some days or some weeks, it's more some weeks, it's's less, but that doesn't stop how we physically connect and it doesn't make us feel like we are not or like we're slacking.

Speaker 2: 8:33

In that connection, I believe because of what happened in the 30-day challenge yeah, I think most guys would.

Speaker 1: 9:47

If you ask me the same question how many times is the right time? I think a lot of guys would feel good knowing that, hey, the schedule is the schedule and this is happening. You get the security there, you get the consistency, you get the dependability right.

Speaker 1: 10:03

And the guys can build it into their routine. They can know hey, today's the special day. I could do something extra for her to just remind her, like, hey, this is important to me, you're important to me. And as that becomes more of the routine and more of the habit, it won't just only happen on the special day, right? So you won't just be like, oh, I'm excited for this day, here's some extra flowers, here's some extra gifts, here's a new whatever, here's a gift card to Sephora or whatever you do Wow Fancy.

Speaker 2: 10:35

But it'll be more routine, like hey, I like you, you like me, let's just make this not so transactional, but here's the key word that you kept using in that entire statement guys. Yeah, I was talking to guys, yes, but here hear me, guys, please, please, hear me. Okay, guys, don't change interesting you elaborate.

Speaker 1: 10:51

Come on, you guys don't change Interesting Elaborate.

Speaker 2: 10:52

Come on, you guys don't change. Women change by the week. Our estrogen levels change by the week. Our progesterone levels change by the week. Our testosterone changes by the week.

Speaker 2: 11:02

Guys don't change, so they can have that normalcy. Even down to our workout schedule has to change in order to flex with how our body and our hormones are changing week to week. And so for us to say, okay, we're going to have the drive, we're going to have the lumbito, we're going to have the stamina, we're going to have no cramps, we're going to have no headaches, every single week, that is impossible. You're trying to take an ever-evolving woman and conforming it to a very strict pattern of consistency. That is just not feasible to our makeup and that's hard. So I think the way and I want to touch on guys in the next point and I want to touch on guys in the next point but after growing and learning and really understanding each other, I think the best way to get intimate and to be sexual is to really understand the flow of your wife and move sexually according to that.

Speaker 1: 12:10

For example Okay, this is great, bring it, this is good stuff. Guys. This is really a super consideration, because just knowing when her time of the month is is not enough. Knowing what happens in each week of that cycle is huge.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Yes, okay. So think about it like this Okay, you start with the menstrual cycle. It's weird, it's you know some, whatever floats your boat. Okay, I'm not going to say yes or no, but what I am going to say is know your woman, know what she needs in that moment, and if you want to get intimate in that moment, then you do more romance, right, you start, you start planting the seeds of romance, with a little less expectation of ending that romance in a bed okay, yeah after that season is over and you're kind of in that ovulation season, that is when you guys go to town, that is when you catch up, that is when you, you guys, fill up your tanks if you will, and you, you guys, have all of the moments that you want.

Speaker 2: 13:02

That is when her lumbito is high, that is when her drive is there, that is when you guys engage in flirtatious and you're just into each other and you guys are doing all the things that you want to do consistently, right, that's easy. Then, eventually, you're going to start to see a drop in how she responds. She might not want to be touched as much, right. She might be a little more tired, she might be a little more edgy. So that's when you got to kind of pull it away. You can't expect her to be where she was a week ago because her hormones are changed. She doesn't feel the same. She feels like I don't feel comfortable in my body right now. Everything is just not normal, and so you have to feed into that and maybe you give her a massage, you give her a back rub, maybe she's willing to do a little more for you in other ways, but you can't expect her to meet you with that same energy that she had a week ago and then the week after that, where all of the hormones are very low because she's about to menstruate again. Then she's really like I just want to lay here, I just want to watch shows and eat chocolate and cry a lot. You give her the space to be in that.

Speaker 2: 14:14

I think a lot of the times guys are expecting the consistency day in and day out and then they make their wife feel like they have to show up and they have to deliver when they're in this setting where it's like I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be seen, I just want to hide, I just want to sleep. I don't be seen, I just want to hide, I just want to sleep. I can't make decisions, but you want me to not be in this state. I physically can't do that, I mentally can't do that, but you want me to, and that's not fair. You have to meet them where they're at.

Speaker 1: 14:44

That's good. So when you're telling all this, you're sharing all these different parts of the cycle. I'm listening to you and I'm thinking I'm going to answer this. I'm thinking who's responsible for this communication? And I think for me, hearing you talk about it, it's up to both of us. As a guy, it's up for me to ask the questions, to follow where your body is at, because my body is your body, your body is my body. But to follow where your body is at so that I can be understanding and be connected with you in that way, so that it's not a big shock like you're trying to get physical and I'm not trying to get physical at all, right, and I'm like, hey, I know today's, you know you kind of craving more chocolate. Let me get you some chocolates today, let me bring you a brownie today, just to show that, hey, I'm connected to you.

Speaker 2: 15:30

So that that connection when, when it is there when the when the libido is high, when the sex drive is high yes it can be there you're planting seeds so that when you're, when she's ready to, yeah, be picked to be to be physical, that's all right.

Speaker 1: 15:46

You know when you're ready, yeah, when she's ready to be picked To be physical.

Speaker 2: 15:47

That's all right. When she's ready to be physical, she's prepared to be there, she's mentally engaged, you're mentally prepared and everything's lining up. But there are some things that girls need to be mindful of for men that I think are just as important, that we need to talk about. So we just spent the first half really talking about women and how women are constantly changing and how guys need to kind of meet into that change yeah but there are some guys out there who have a very high sex drive okay I don't.

Speaker 2: 16:16

I don't know this for fact because I'm a girl, but I've been told that you know guys who work out or guys who are very like athletic or physical. Like your drive goes up. Okay, right is. Is this real? Like the more you go to the gym and pump you know, I can only speak from my experience here.

Speaker 1: 16:32

The more I work out, the more I guess my drive would be higher.

Speaker 2: 16:34

Yeah and so like, with all that testosterone, like there comes that drive increase and so there are guys out there who are have a very high drive, yeah, but then you have this woman who is constantly fluctuating and so for the guys kyle, like, how do men go through that? Because I think a lot of other times there are guys who are trying their best to be patient and to meet their wife where they're at, but their drive is so high that oftentimes if they are not careful they'll try to release that in other ways. It can go into a porn way.

Speaker 2: 17:12

It can go into looking at other women way, it could go into like a masturbation way, and all of those other avenues are not necessarily things that you should be bringing into your marriage bed ever. And so how can we help the guys who need to have more than just that one week of ovulation? I'm in a happy mood. How can we help that?

Speaker 1: 17:35

This goes completely back to communication.

Speaker 1: 17:37

The guy has to be willing to stand up and say, hey, we're not being physical enough, we're not being physical as often as I need to be yeah and I need your help in this area and her to respond in a mature way and say hey, I know it hasn't been quite how we wanted it to be and we can do better and I can do better. And if it's, if it's a thing where it's not happening, where you guys aren't physically connecting at all, like weeks and weeks apart this is a couple who's a great contender for scheduling Okay, go a month of scheduled and just make those four weeks scheduled and then the next month try and up it, right, yeah, and then you'll find the balance of what's enough and what's not enough.

Speaker 1: 18:24

Yeah what's enough and what's not enough. And if that two-month trial doesn't reveal enough to you about what the next step is, it might be time to enter into the 30-day challenge, where you go for physical connection 30 days in a row to find your rhythm, to find what syncs you guys up. Guys will come into marriage with an unreal expectation of what the marriage bed is supposed to be. What the marriage bed is like, that's good. It can turn really negative, into bullying and extra controlling.

Speaker 2: 19:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:00

Or it can go the total opposite way, where he is, like you said, looking for that physical release outside of the relationship and leading to sin and destructive behavior. And so that's how I would talk to a guy and say, hey, here's what you can try is start slow with the scheduled once a week and then build up from there.

Speaker 2: 19:21

I like what you said about. It's almost like they have to compromise Both of you, husband and wife. You have to compromise, both of you, husband and wife. You have to compromise. For a guy who's like I need it, I need it, we have to have it. It's not enough. It's not enough. You're not listening to her. And for a woman to say I have a headache, I have cramps, I'm tired, I don't want to do it. I want to do it. You're not listening to him.

Speaker 2: 19:41

That's perfect yep, and so you both have to give up some of it and you both have to pour in to some of it.

Speaker 1: 19:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:50

You both have to give up some of your needs and what your expectations are.

Speaker 1: 19:54

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:54

And you both have to be willing to meet each other where that other person is.

Speaker 1: 19:59

A little bit. Yeah, Come to the middle Come to the middle. We don't have to go all the way to being physical every day, right, but physical every few days would be awesome.

Speaker 2: 20:10

So for the month of valentine's day, you know, the season of love, yeah, there's a lot of dangers, for when needs are not met, you know, for guys, they can go out and they could take matters into their own hands to get their needs met sexually, okay. For women, they could grow distant and cold, yeah, and they could pull away from their husbands.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:35

And that could be damaging as well, just as damaging, certainly. You know you're not cheating and you're not, you know, doing any porn or anything like that, but you pulling away from your husband and not giving him the intimacy, physically, that they need in their marriage, that is just as harmful and damaging.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Yes.

Speaker 2: 20:56

And so we've talked a lot about the 30-day challenge. We've mentioned this in previous episodes, but for those of you guys who haven't heard those episodes before, those of you guys who haven't heard those episodes before, the 30 day challenge for us, as Kyle said, is every day for 30 days, try to engage in sexual activity with your spouse. Doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to you know, I don't know what your drive is. I'm not telling you to have three, four hours of intimacy for 30 days. You guys would probably tip over and fall apart. But what I am trying to say is that you have to try it consistently to remove any fears, to remove any triggers or traumas, to remove any uncomfortableness, to remove any awkwardness, any uncomfortableness, to remove any awkwardness If there's a woman who doesn't feel good about the way she looks and she's ashamed of that.

Speaker 2: 21:52

Then meeting with your husband every day for 30 days will help you kind of overcome that shame, because you guys, if it didn't work the first day, like if it didn't work day six okay, this was a dud.

Speaker 2: 22:02

Day what didn't work. Okay, let's just hold each other and fall asleep. Day seven we're going to try it again. Okay, oh you, we don't want to talk about this, cause it's awkward, and now we both feel uncomfortable and we both lost our drive and we can't, we're not going to commit to the act right now. Okay, that was day seven. Day eight we're going to start again. We're going to try this again, and I think the 30-day challenge is not about let's get physical for 30 days, but let's not give up on figuring it out for 30 days.

Speaker 1: 22:33

I don't know what it would be called, but it's like the opposite of a fast and it's not a feast, but it's just a consistent effort to do this so that it can work into your routine. It can work into your habits, your relationship. I think we've talked to couples who are having a hard time connecting. We've talked to couples who are where the guy's needs aren't being met.

Speaker 1: 22:54

We've talked to guys about how to meet their woman more in the middle yeah, I want to talk about, like when there's you brought it up, actually, you hinted at it where there's just a physical disconnection the woman doesn't feel pretty enough to make it happen. Yeah, the guy is getting older and his drive is gone or nearly gone.

Speaker 2: 23:14

Or maybe the woman doesn't initiate it. So the guy feels like, oh, she doesn't want me, she doesn't desire me.

Speaker 1: 23:20

Right. And so for those couples, I think, if there is a physical limitation stopping you, or where something is, frankly, the mechanics aren't working. There is no shame in going to the doctor and getting help for that right. If you need, get some ginseng. If you need right, I know we have. It's as funny as it sounds. The chiropractor are very good at helping to look at these kind of functions Really, but also real. Yeah, remember you're. We went through, you went through the chiropractor and they helped with with libido.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Oh yes, situations yes, and they're able to. They're more holistic, yes.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Holistically Right, so you're getting into supplements instead of drugs.

Speaker 2: 24:03

Right, supplements instead of drugs. Right, knowing what imbalances you have in your body also getting your body in alignment.

Speaker 1: 24:10

Your hips could be out of alignment and that could cause a big physical yeah problem when you're trying to get physical in your marriage bed. It's good and and likewise for ladies. If you just ladies, there's times we just don't feel pretty Right, it happens Right.

Speaker 1: 24:26

Oh yeah, guys, you got to build her up. Talk her up, Make her feel great, point out those things that you don't just say, oh, you look great today. Say, hey, you look great in those jeans. It shows off the curves of your hips, it shows off your ankles. Those shorts oh man, you have such great calves. And build her up right.

Speaker 2: 24:44

Your eyes Calves.

Speaker 1: 24:47

Kyle when you stare into her eyes. Yeah, calves, Calves can be awesome.

Speaker 2: 24:50

That chin is so chiseled bro.

Speaker 1: 24:52

That's right. That's right. Likewise, you see that you can build him right back up. Same way. It takes two right the whole way.

Speaker 2: 25:05

This whole talk, sex, love, making love it takes two Working together to figure it out. What I want to say in that it takes two is sometimes it's all about confidence and I think you know, whatever your past is, whatever your past sexual experience is somewhere in there. People could have lost their confidence. Yeah, they could have felt a lot of shame. They could have felt a lot of fear.

Speaker 2: 25:26

There's a lot of insecurity that goes into the marriage bed and you might think that you solved all of your problems before marriage and you guys are a great compatible couple and you guys were great. But then as soon as you get to the marriage bed and you have to be naked, you get shameful. As soon as you get to the marriage bed and you have to be naked, you get shameful. And the Bible teaches us in Genesis that Adam and Eve were together and they were naked and unashamed. And a lot of the times we get the naked part right, we set up the scene.

Speaker 2: 25:57

We know what the husband needs because his drive is there. We know what the wife needs because her cycle is there and we get naked. But then we're also bringing in shame. We're bringing in, you know, unmet expectations. We're bringing in insecurity of how we feel about each other and ourselves. We're bringing in um past baggage and traumas and past triggers and past like well, it wasn't like this before. You know we're bringing in old age and you know you're not who you used to be and you might not last as long as you used to, or you know your hips aren't there anymore.

Speaker 2: 26:33

You know we we're bringing in hormones and how they're constantly changing, from having children and from getting older and all the things.

Speaker 2: 26:40

And we're bringing in all this stuff and it's keeping us in this shameful shadow which really stops you from experiencing the true essence of what sex should be with a husband and a wife, and so I think my prayer to you guys, if you're listening to this or watching this, is try as hard as you can, even if you don't do the 30 day sex challenge, do a 30 day fast to just remove the shame in your marriage bed, because once you eliminate that and you guys can come together wholeheartedly in love with each other for who you are naked and I just I love you so much that I want to express that in a physical way then your, your sex is going to become love making and love making is going to be a consistent thing and it will just be an overflow of everything that has happened mentally, emotionally, spiritually yes, you know, yes, I think, my last encouragement if we're getting close to the end here

Speaker 1: 27:45

yeah my last encouragement is that, as a couple, when we get together for lovemaking, it is not one-sided, this is not just for him yes I think wives can get into that, where this is just for him yes and guys can get into.

Speaker 1: 27:59

Well, I just need this and I just need that, and that's one of those other awesome things that come out of that 30-day challenge. When we did it was learning how to have both of us get the most out of it so that it's a totally mutual, enjoyable situation, right. So we're both coming out of that feeling like that was awesome, right, and that's the whole goal.

Speaker 2: 28:20

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:21

And for couples who it's been a long time where it's just been out of sync, out of touch, not going the way you want it to, I would encourage you to start over, start slow.

Speaker 2: 28:31

There you go.

Speaker 1: 28:32

Start by dating each other. Yeah, go out on a date.

Speaker 2: 28:35

Okay, go back to the basics.

Speaker 1: 28:36

Right If you're a couple who likes to exercise, exercising together at home. There's so many awesome YouTube videos out there, so many coaches who do videos where it's stuff you can do at home next to each other. Yeah Right, yoga Doing yoga. Christian yoga. There's so many awesome Christian yoga people out there Getting together, just put on the yoga clothes, get the yoga mats out, not even touching each other, but just being around each other in those moments. Doing the stretches together helps loosen it up, helps you get closer, helps you feel less ashamed.

Speaker 2: 29:09

Yeah, just learning how to be comfortable with each other. I think, at the end of the day, from the smallest of dates to the at-home things, to getting physical.

Speaker 2: 29:16

I like what you're saying about being physical together. If you guys can learn how to be physical together, whether you're dancing, whether you're working out, whether you're stretching, learning how to just be in a physical space together can create that comfortableness and bring you guys back to a place of familiarity where you're not only engaging mentally, wise, but you're now connecting physically, and so that can help you guys get a little closer to the end goal.

Speaker 1: 29:43

That's so good.

Speaker 2: 29:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 29:46

I mean, this is something we always have to keep working on, always.

Speaker 2: 29:49

It's never perfect. It's always changing. It has to be consistently looked at. We got married in our 20s.

Speaker 1: 29:56

We're not in our 20s anymore, Our energies are not where it used to be. We have three kids right. We went through three pregnancies, four pregnancies and we have dealt with real life things job changes, loss of parents, loss of connection, just from being distant through life events and had to work to build that back together. The thing that has just kept solid through it is we never gave up. We were always willing to pray through it. God wants marriage connection right. God built physical connection into marriage. Pray for your marriage, Pray for your marriage bread, Pray for your lovemaking to be just fulfilling and amazing and awesome, and God will show up. Live by faith, love by faith, make love by faith. That's what God wants. It's there right.

Speaker 2: 30:44

Love by faith. Come on, is that a t-shirt?

Speaker 1: 30:47

No, I won't put that on a shirt, but you know, maybe a bookmarker.

Speaker 2: 30:51

It doesn't have to be serious all the time. It doesn't have to be romantic all the time. Sometimes it can be playful, sometimes you guys can be cracking jokes and laughing and still engaging in a physical activity, and it can be just as good and mind-blowing as the most intimate candlelit you know chocolate experience that you could have available there are some cool uh intimacy games, like literally games like card games.

Speaker 1: 31:21

There's card games help you connect and help you do there's apps, flirty things, yeah those are all cool, cool, uh, tools to use in the bedroom. Yeah, that have worked for us absolutely definitely recommend to couples absolutely yep.

Speaker 2: 31:33

Last thing I want to leave you guys with is you know there's no shame in the marriage bed there's no shame between husband and wife you and me, whatever you choose to do, whatever you guys agree upon, make sure that it is something that you guys can do confidently and together.

Speaker 2: 31:48

Yeah, you know, there's there's no shame. There's there's no shame, like, think about it like anything that makes you feel awkward, anything that makes you feel tense, anything that makes you feel like I don't want to, I don't want to talk about that. That's. That's a weird, a weird place. Figure that out and get it out of there, because it has no place in your marriage bud.

Speaker 1: 32:06

Bring it out.

Speaker 2: 32:07

It has no place in your marriage bud. The Bible made this to be something that is enjoyable, that is pleasing, that is pleasurable, and so we pray that you guys can get to a place where you can experience that on an ongoing basis, regardless of all the other things that are happening to you in your marriage.

Speaker 1: 32:26

My last drop of wisdom would be forgiveness is huge in the marriage bed. I forgive you for driving me crazy the other day. That's a great time to let all that baggage go to seek forgiveness together Can't get intimate with a grudge To seek forgiveness together. Can't get intimate with a grudge that goes on the t-shirt and let each other just be free together, yes, right. And to thrive together, yes, man that's so good.

Speaker 2: 32:54

That was a good episode.

Speaker 1: 32:57

I hope that Go ahead. You're going to the same place I was going.

Speaker 2: 33:00

I pray that, with all of the interruptions and all of the stuff, that there was some breakthrough that came out of this episode and if there's a couple out there who heard this episode and received from it and have gotten an improved lifestyle, an improved sexual marriage but from this episode, don't give us the details, but let us know if this is a helpful episode for you guys, if it edified you and it helped you in your marriage.

Speaker 1: 33:26

Right. You know our socials reach out to us, send us messages. We're glad to connect, talk to you, pray with you. Whatever you need, we are here for you. We're not just out here talking about it, we're not just living by faith. We're out here to love by faith.

Speaker 2: 33:42

Let's go ahead and pray, and I'll close this out if you don't mind, Bring it on Selena All right.

Speaker 2: 33:47

Lord, we just thank you for helping us get this episode out. We know that sex is sometimes an awkward and hard topic to talk about among husband and wife. But, lord, I pray that you would just open an opportunity for the couples who are listening this week to have that conversation, to just express their concerns and their heart desires, to communicate openly, so that they know that they're being heard with love, that there is space to hear their feelings and their thoughts about things. And, lord, I pray that these couples can come to an agreement, that they can compromise with each other, that they could see each other, that they can express their love for one another and that together they can overcome any shame or fear or insecurity that may be trying to linger in their marriage bed. We just dismiss it in the name of Jesus and we pray that these couples will just excel and thrive and grow to love one another deeper and longer. In Jesus's name, amen, amen.

Speaker 2: 34:45

Thank you guys so much for tuning in on this Valentine's themed episode. We hope to see you guys next week as we continue our conversation on love, sex, flowers and chocolate. We hope to see you guys again soon. If you're watching on YouTube, be sure to like, share and subscribe. If you guys are listening to Apple or Spotify, please give us that five-star review so other couples like you can watch us and learn how to love by faith as well.

Speaker 1: 35:10

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone. Make it special, Make it full of love. See you next time.

Speaker 2: 35:15

I'm a millennial, so I do this hard Do the big heart.

Speaker 1: 35:17

That's what I just did a minute ago.

Speaker 2: 35:18

I do the big heart, we don't do the, we don't do the other hearts that's it.

Speaker 1: 35:21

That's where you get. That's weird.

Speaker 2: 35:22

I can't do it okay. Bye, guys, take care, see ya you know what kind of chocolate I want white. I've been craving white chocolate, no no, I've been craving marshmallow chocolate what? There's no such thing. Yes, there are. A marshmallow, okay, a marsh, a dipped marshmallow oh, that's different. Oh, I've been craving that so much what well you know, easter's right around the corner, so they got the valentine's day is this week.

Speaker 2: 35:50

Yeah, I understand, but marshmallow stuff is more of the easter peeps. It's the peeps like you never see marshmallow stuff on valentine's day. Yeah, I love the little uh chocolate boxes with all the surprise chocolate the mystery box you, you don't get. I know they sell them all year long but, people don't pay attention to them until valentine's day. I love them, I love every one of them. I love them, I love every single one of them that's your thing, huh yes, I don't.

Speaker 2: 36:21

There's not one little hidden chocolate that I do not like, even the cherry ones.

Speaker 1: 36:26

Those were weird at first getting, getting palettes changing, getting used to that yeah so it's funny, we do advent calendars right. We have different stuff, a whole bunch of days leading up to it. Yeah, I think valentine's day would be a great time to have, like a once a day up till valentine's day, and then you have the big well, they got like k-cup hearts that would be great, that's.

Speaker 2: 36:46

I think valentine's day fits that well, kyle, you're like for, you're like 11 days late bro it'll be better for next.

Speaker 1: 36:52

You can make up you can make up for it.

Speaker 2: 36:54

No, no, not next year. Now just buy me 11 things and I'll open them all at once leading up to the leading up to valent day.

Speaker 1: 37:01

You know my financial situation. You just go buy 11 things out of nowhere. I'm just kidding. Thanks for being here. Give me out of here.

Speaker 2: 37:10

No, I got places to go, kyle, I got to do things.

Speaker 1: 37:12

I got to go.

Speaker 2: 37:13

I got to go. Goodbye, good day to you. Happy Valentine's day, everyone, be safe, bye.