Love & Respect: How Wives Can Respect Their Husbands (Even When They Don't Want To) | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #053

Wives, respect your husbands. Even when you don't want to.

Unlock the secrets to a healthier marriage by embracing the transformative power of unconditional respect. Inspired by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' renowned book "Love and Respect," our latest episode tackles the emotional depth of respect in marital relationships. 

Join us as we confront the challenges faced by many wives who struggle with this concept, especially during trying times. Discover how empathy and understanding your partner's viewpoint can solidify your marriage's foundation, guiding you through those tough conversations with love and respect as your compass.

We journey into the heart of what makes respect such a pivotal element for men, and explore why it's often the root of conflict when seen as lacking. 

From the perspective of wives, we discuss the delicate balance between showing respect and reclaiming one's voice when feeling unheard or unloved. 

Together, we unravel the underlying vulnerabilities and frustrations that fuel these disconnects, offering strategies to navigate them with grace and compassion. By understanding these dynamics, couples gain the tools necessary to transform potential conflict into opportunities for deeper connection and mutual growth.

Communication stands as a cornerstone of this transformation, and we delve into how strategic and respectful dialogue can bridge years of emotional distance. 

Learn how to articulate dissatisfaction in a manner that encourages positive change, rather than sowing discord. We also emphasize the importance of reciprocal love and respect in sustaining a harmonious partnership. Whether you're facing the task of rebuilding after years of neglect or simply aiming to enhance your relationship, this episode provides you with actionable insights to cultivate a marriage filled with empathy, understanding, and unconditional respect.

Chapters

• 0:00 Respecting Your Husband Unconditionally
• 4:39 Understanding Unconditional Respect in Marriage
• 20:09 Respect and Decision-Making in Marriage
• 25:58 Strategic Respectful Communication in Marriage
• 29:10 Reciprocal Love and Respect in Marriage

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

how wives can respect their husbands even when they don't want to. Why is it so hard for wives to respect their husbands? The ultimate rejection Forget you. I don't care what you have to say, you don't matter. Your words don't matter. Your thoughts don't matter. Your opinion doesn't matter.

Speaker 2: 0:15

You're destroying the connection.

Speaker 1: 0:17

We're not perfect people by any means, but by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship and marriage that has. But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Speaker 2: 0:29

With a Keeping it Real style. We're going to talk to you about everything, everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to Love by Faith and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith I find myself feeling like more excited to record the podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:02

When we first started I was like oh, it's podcast day I don't know what to say and now that I've been doing it a while, I'm just comfortable, I'm getting into it. Yep, I'm feeling like this is a space where I can be and just be myself and not have to hold back and not have to like I'm able to drop my guard a bit. That's good, I think, also being more prepared I've learned from last season how to be prepared for this season, for each show. Yeah, and I love it.

Speaker 2: 1:29

And it's not a show, but you know what I mean. It's for each episode I can be more prepared. Amen, what do you do?

Speaker 1: 1:35

What do I do?

Speaker 2: 1:37

You rely on all your experience being in front of the camera.

Speaker 1: 1:39

I wake up up, I rush to get ready because I know you're going to be down here at a certain time, and then I sit in this chair and I drink one cup of coffee and allow the rest of the coffee to cool down because I don't drink it anymore one sip of coffee in that, yeah one sip of coffee per episode, and then, when it's done, I reward myself with an iced coffee an iced cold coffee. So last week was a pretty hard week. We talked about love and respect.

Speaker 2: 2:08

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:08

We talked about the book based on that.

Speaker 2: 2:11

By Dr Emerson Egrich's.

Speaker 1: 2:13

That's right, and I have it all linked in the description for you guys to go and get it. It's a perfect opportunity to do it Holiday season.

Speaker 2: 2:18

It's a great gift. There's a devotional to it too.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Oh, if you want to really enrich your love life, should we do that as a small group? I feel like they've done it before.

Speaker 2: 2:26

It would be a great one. So what Can never do this? So what? I think you can never do this book too much.

Speaker 1: 2:30

We ain't never done it.

Speaker 2: 2:31

I love this book. I love this book. I love this message. No, no, I. That's nice For you. Thank you For us, for our family, for our future.

Speaker 1: 2:44

I say it was a hard topic last week because we were talking about how husbands can love their wives better. Right, you know, yes, you guys love us on an everyday basis, but what happens when it gets hard? What happens when the wife loses the will to love back? How does the husband you know husband push through and fight for that kingdom and that marriage? And so I thought that was a pretty hard topic to cover, but I feel like this topic today is going to be even harder.

Speaker 2: 3:18

That's what makes it such a great book is that both sides are super challenged to go beyond what's natural to them and get into their partner's shoes and to be empathetic, and that is such a place where growth can happen in their marriage. Amen, yeah. And so this week we're getting into the respect side of love and respect Respecting your husband, how to respect him the way he wants to be respected no, you had a really good title last week.

Speaker 2: 3:48

You said how wives can respect their husbands even when they don't want to yes, yes, yes, and that's the one of the huge points in the book is that respect can be unconditional as well and should be unconditional. You shouldn't wives shouldn't just respect their husband when he deserves it. Right, right, right. And again, the big presumption is that each partner has goodwill towards the other person yes, which means that he is in the right place to do what's best for the relationship. He has what's best for the couple in mind in his daily life, and so that goodwill is. The result of that is unconditional love from him to her and then unconditional respect from her to him. I've said a lot in laying out that the respect side of love and respect is today. So, selena, talk to me about unconditional respect from your eyes. Okay, oh, you did the scrunchie face again. That's when I know I got it.

Speaker 1: 4:56

We should have a coffee mug with my scrunchie face on it, I'm just like this is hard yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:01

It's hard being married. This is real, real life, real life husband and wife stuff here.

Speaker 1: 5:06

Here's what I thought about when you were talking and as we were leading up to this topic is why is it so hard for wives to respect their husbands? Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard? I can't answer that for every person out there. But I can start to digest and process. Why it's difficult and a challenge for me.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Not to say that I disrespect. Kyle, I think I've come a very long way from showing respect and honor to you in public, in front of kids, in private, in our own room, in our heavy conversations. I feel like I've been growing in this area and I've been doing a great job. But why is it so easy to disrespect? Why is it always one of those things that you pull out of weapon that we can easily sharpen, that we can easily get, that we're easily good at using and that we can easily know, uh, we can attack with and it will leave a sting?

Speaker 2: 6:12

this is so good, it will leave a sting, because respect matters so much to men yeah that when you go there, you know you're pushing a button that's going to get a reaction. Going to get a response.

Speaker 1: 6:24

It's like if there's a medieval table and there's like the jousting javelin and the sword and you got the little ball with the chain and the nunchucks and the ninja stars, what weapon are you going to choose as a wife? If I'm trying to get a quick shot, if I'm trying to get a deep shot, if I'm going to get a shot where I know I'm trying to get a deep shot, if I'm going to get a shot where I know I'm confident that I'm not going to miss, I'm going for the disrespect.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Right, right. And in those moments you're choosing disrespect, because it's so valuable to your husband and because that's going to get the response that you think. Wives think that that's going to get the response that they want, and it doesn't. It does the exact opposite it crumbles, it destroys that love that's coming from him. I'm making a chopping motion because the wall between us is getting built.

Speaker 1: 7:17

If it's crumbling, wouldn't it be like sprinkly fingers that crumble?

Speaker 2: 7:22

No, it's more violent when you go to disrespect. It's like me, like me saying sorry I don't love you right now and when you're trying to sit down and have a talk and talk through everything. No, I'm cool, I'm not talking about that, it's the. It's the ultimate rejection we.

Speaker 2: 7:38

So let me talk about guys perspective so good okay guys, we live in such a hierarchy world, right, we're all about who's the top dog, who's the leader, who's the alpha, and respecting that Right and in the home, in our mind when we walk in this place of our home, we're the top dog.

Speaker 1: 7:56

We're the alpha.

Speaker 2: 7:57

We're the one who, no matter what anyone thinks outside of these walls, inside of this place, I'm the king. Right, it's good, I'm the king.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Right, it's good to be the king.

Speaker 2: 8:07

And you don't disrespect the king, right? You know, for recreation I read a lot of medieval books. And you don't disrespect the king, you don't get to Off with his head, it's that easy, right. And so we're conditioned to understand respect as men. Yeah, for our whole life, from our fathers all the way, grandfathers, all of it. We are conditioned to understand respect, and when you bring that weapon, you're destroying what we have to give back to you and love.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Right, so I'm going to. That is your side, right? That's, that's the side that's the side of how guys are interpreting when, what happens when they get disrespected by their person, their teammate, their helper, their home, their partner, their, their other half. Right, right their rib, if you will. Right, and sometimes we are not doing it for you, sometimes we're doing it for us, yep, sometimes that is not the reason why we choose that weapon. We're not choosing a weapon to knock you off your alpha stool.

Speaker 2: 9:09

Right.

Speaker 1: 9:09

Okay, we're not there to shoot you off your high horse, we're there to. We're disrespecting sometimes because we're trying to regain our own power.

Speaker 2: 9:20

Disrespect comes from a place of weakness. If you're trying to regain power, power Disrespect comes from a place of weakness. If you're trying to regain power, then you're weak, right. So you're coming from a place of.

Speaker 1: 10:36

We're trying to. Here's what I would say is, if there is a wife who is frustrated, who is at her end, who is depleted, who is feeling defeated, and now she has to come and serve this dude and treat him respectfully, she just doesn't have it in her because she feels like it's not being reciprocated. He's not loving her the way that she needs to be loved. He's not hearing her, he's not considering her, he is totally dismissing her. So she's like F that I'm going to dismiss too, because I'm going to take a stand for myself. I'm going to stand up for myself. I'm going to dismiss too, because I'm going to take a stand for myself. I'm going to stand up for myself, I'm going to hold my ground and I don't care what he has to say at the moment, because he doesn't care about me.

Speaker 1: 11:19

Therefore, f, that dude, I'm going to dismiss him, I'm going to disrespect him. And so she's using it as a way to, yes, to jab at him, but also to reclaim some of herself, because she realizes like, who's fighting for me? At the end of the day, who's fighting for me? I have to fight for me, because there's no one in my corner holding me down. So forget you. I don't care what you have to say. You don't matter. Your words don't matter, your thoughts don't matter. Your opinion doesn't matter. Your words don't matter, your thoughts don't matter, your opinion doesn't matter. I'm going to take the reins of this horse now and I'm going to guide myself, because the only one I could trust in this situation right now is me.

Speaker 2: 11:59

So this is a perfect example of the crazy cycle, because obviously she is no, it's what he describes perfectly. She is obviously not been loved the right way. If she's responding that way, you're missing on your love part. You're missing in your connection part. You're missing in your understanding part. You're missing in you're energizing each other part as a husband. So if this is the response you're getting, it comes back to you to look inside and say hey, wait a second. She's showing disrespect. How am I not loving her right? And that's hard In the moment, when you're getting challenged and disrespected, it's hard to say wait a second, this is my fault because I didn't love her right. And in the same breath, this is the challenge to the wife in that.

Speaker 2: 12:44

wait a second. This is happening because he's not loving me good enough. I want to respond like this because I feel unloved. And wives stop and say hey, I feel really unloved right now because of this, this and this, and I want to disrespect you, but you deserve so much respect, but I'm having a hard time respecting you right now. And say it just like that to him. And it'll get such a response because men have a need for conquest so we have the one side of you.

Speaker 1: 13:13

Good, no, I'm not, you're worked up. Yes, do you have more to say?

Speaker 2: 13:17

yes, okay men have a need for conquest. Yes, right, we have a need to go and be victorious. Yes, and when you, our wife, our maiden, our princess that we rescued from the queen, from the, from the dragon, is telling us that you're having a hard time respecting us right now, we want to be victorious in that. We want to gain that back. Sometimes, the healthy relationship that has goodwill. The man will want to earn that back that's good and will want to complete that conquest.

Speaker 1: 13:51

So in this part of the podcast we talked about the healthy conquest.

Speaker 2: 13:56

Right.

Speaker 1: 13:56

But there is also an unhealthy conquest that I think we need to talk about as well.

Speaker 1: 14:01

So, we talked about the healthy part of a man who wills to have a loving marriage and is taking the leadership role to do what it takes to express love and to be the man that his wife needs to be so that as a return, as a reciprocated result, she respects.

Speaker 1: 14:22

But what about when you have something in the mix like pride and ego, because not every husband is a willing husband. Sometimes guys will go into the role of husband and just assume that, oh, I'm the man of the house, I'm the Lord of this land, you're going to do whatever I say. It doesn't matter what I do, it doesn't matter what I feel, it doesn't matter what I say. You're still going to respect me because you're the wife you submit. That's how it's supposed to be in the body. You know they'll start to twist what the word is saying to meet their own selfish needs and to provide their prideful gain. And how do we go about that when a wife is underneath this leadership of a man who sees being a husband as being a lord and not really taking into account? I have something that I need to contribute. I need to express love.

Speaker 2: 15:21

Does that sound loving? Does that sound like?

Speaker 1: 15:23

from a guy.

Speaker 2: 15:24

Does that sound loving? Like you need to just do this, because I said so and this is your spot to do this, the end.

Speaker 1: 15:31

But at the same time there are people out there who do that, and then they how do you unconditionally respect in that situation?

Speaker 2: 15:40

Maybe for some women y'all can but for me this goes back to the sentence I just said said I want to respect you unconditionally through this. I want to respect you as the head of this house, but when you force it on me like this, I find it very difficult to respect you. I find it very difficult to respond respectfully, and you might need to gather, because you sound pretty fired up. So, as a wife, if that's how you're feeling, you might need to step back and take a breather and tell him hey, give me a minute to gather my thoughts and when you come back to him, say, hey, I want to respect you, I want to respect your authority in this house, but when you demand it of me, that is the last thing I want and that is the last thing I'm capable of doing.

Speaker 2: 16:24

I don't know what you want to call it. I want to call it love. If his way of being around the house is to just lord over his wife, that's not a way of love. No, love does not seek its own. That's right in the scripture, right. That's not it. That is selfish, that is self-centered, and that is not the way to have a relationship that is going to work.

Speaker 1: 17:06

It's not. It's not because you're destroying the connection, you're destroying the desperate for help, desperate for a way to turn this tide. And there is a man who is very hard in heart, stubborn in his ways, and is using that title of husband as a way to force respect.

Speaker 2: 17:22

Then he's being unloving Period. If that's where it is. He's being unloving and her best weapon is to say I'm trying my best to respect you right now, but you're making it very challenging for me.

Speaker 1: 17:34

Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:35

I feel unloved when you treat me like this. The hardest part of all that is saying it in a controlled manner, like I just did, because the emotions are running high when you get to this place.

Speaker 1: 17:47

Right.

Speaker 2: 17:47

Because you've been triggered so much by being oppressed, right, and so saying that to him in that controlled way is how to do it. And another step men love words, right? Okay, most men fall between words of affirmation and physical touch in the love language spectrum.

Speaker 2: 18:06

Yeah, right, right, write it down. Write him that note. Keep it short Three sentences bro, I want to love you. I want to respect you unconditionally. I'm finding it hard to respect you when you treat me like this. How can we make this better? You treat me like this. How can we make this better?

Speaker 2: 18:28

And if he has goodwill for the marriage, he will respond in a way to complete that, to to fix that. And if he has no interest in fixing that, it's time to go deeper and get get real professional help where you two can sit down with a couple or with a counselor and they can really pour into the marriage. Because something is, something is really off. Yeah. When you get to that point, if he is not willing to do what she's asking for love, yeah. Or if she is not willing to do what it takes to show him respect, even though he's back back to loving and back to really fulfilling his role as a husband, that's when you got to bring in the professionals, because there is something super deep there that you need to work through and there's hurt there that you need to get over and there's pain in there that needs to be chiseled away and replaced with love.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Yeah, amen.

Speaker 2: 19:24

Like Japanese kintsugiugi, where the pots are broken and you put a little bit of gold in between yes to heal those cracks with some gold of love got it amen and it's hard yes there's no, there's no easy magic pill. Right when it gets to that point, it's off the rails yeah and it needs.

Speaker 2: 19:43

It's going to take time and time and time of earning back that trust and that connection and that respect, because respect can be lost, love can be lost, yes, but working back together as a couple to get there is what it takes.

Speaker 1: 19:57

That's right.

Speaker 2: 19:59

So much for love and respect, man, you went so deep on that. I appreciate it. I'm not done what?

Speaker 1: 20:03

it. I'm not done. What else? I'm not done what else?

Speaker 2: 20:06

Here we go.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Yes, okay. So let's kind of recap, because a lot has been said. So we talked about what does unconditional respect look like on the spectrum, when there is goodwill in making the marriage work and last and thrive?

Speaker 2: 20:20

Right.

Speaker 1: 20:21

Then we talked about, okay, the other side of the spectrum. What happens if there is a lack of respect on the man and there's a hard heart there? How do you go about trying to still unconditionally respect that situation? What about the other side, where a woman doesn't respect? She just has pride in her heart, she has an ego, she treats her husband like a child. She just feels like he is just an accessory to the marriage. She's the one calling all the shots, she's the one running everything, she's the one who's really the leader. It's like that movie, my Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the man is the head but she's the neck and she turns the head and everybody knows it and everybody feels that way. But at the end of the day, your husband is lacking respect because now everybody is looking at him like a chump and she is the one who is creating this environment.

Speaker 2: 21:16

She is the one who's creating that environment.

Speaker 1: 21:18

You know what I mean. And so how can somebody who has a proud and haughty heart in that way, how can we speak to that wife to unconditionally respect her husband and try to change things and turn things around? Okay so a lot to unpack there.

Speaker 2: 21:39

Wives want things to be I don't know what the right word is here In order. Hold on. Let me say this again Precise Wives like to have order on things. A lot of wives are very type A want this done, want this done. When they say Men have a need for insight, right, we have a need to make decisions. Think about our roles, think about our leaderships. We have a need to delegate. We have a need to give input, yeah, and if that input is not received over the years, if that input is taken and then done, you ask me for my opinion and then you go and do the opposite. So many times I'm going to stop giving that input. Right, and a wife who's found herself in that situation has probably trampled over his insight for years, has not given him the chance to make a decision and respected his decision once he's made it yeah do you find yourself where this guy will never make a choice?

Speaker 2: 22:35

well, it's probably because you haven't respected the choices he's made or maybe he doesn't make the right choice. Again, you haven't respected the choice he's made or maybe he didn't make the right choice.

Speaker 1: 22:48

Time and time and time again.

Speaker 2: 22:50

See, this is where you're beating your head against the wall. You're not giving him the chance to make the choice.

Speaker 1: 22:55

What if she did? And then he continues to make the wrong choice. He's not considering all the things, he's not listening to her needs, he is doing his own thing and it becomes a terrible choice this is where the husbands are gonna walking into terrible choices

Speaker 2: 23:10

this is where the husbands are gonna have. A takeaway is that it's this is goes back to the woman's need for connection, and that you need to get together on these choices and talk through it. Now she's got to give a little bit and he's got to give a little bit. Yeah, right, I think about. I think about how, like, we buy things. Okay, this is a good one. Okay, because a lot of times you come to me and you're like we need a fridge, we just bought a fridge. Okay, you're like we need a fridge. And I'm like, okay, and I go the whole list Do you want a water spout on it? Do you want the fridge on top or the freezer on top? Do you want what color? Do you want? Right.

Speaker 2: 23:50

And then I come to and I'm like here's the three options that are going to be finalists for this. And you say, all right, I want that one. Yes, and any one of those choices is fine with me, right, right is fine with me, right, right, you can have any of the three fridges. That right, meet all your criteria and we buy the fridge. Healthy decision making skill there, correct, right, you came to me, I came to you. You came to me. We got the purchase done right. I got to feel like the man of the house because I've made the purchase right, so I've picked. I've essentially I picked to the fridge, but you picked the fridge.

Speaker 1: 24:21

So to illustrate my what I'm trying to say, yeah using this visual. Yeah, the wife goes to the husband, says we need a fridge, we needed to have this, this and this. The husband's like don't worry, I'm on it right, don't worry, I'm on it comes back a few days later.

Speaker 1: 24:37

Honey. Look, I found this fridge. It was off on the floor dumpster. It was on trash day. I picked it up. It looks like it's in great condition, has zero of of the things that she said. And then she's like this is not, this is not a good for what are you talking about? I got it at a deal. I saved us money. We did all the things. I listened to. You said do we need it? A fridge? Here's the fridge. Is it going to? But did you die? Did it? Did it? Is it going to store the food? Okay, what's the problem? What's the problem? I don't understand how come you're not trusting me in this. Why aren't you? You told me to do something and I did it. What's the problem? And if that happens time and time and time again, she's just going to be like you're cut off from making decisions. I'm going to go ahead and lead this train now.

Speaker 2: 25:16

I agree.

Speaker 1: 25:18

That's what I was trying to explain.

Speaker 2: 25:19

You know why she's cut off, why he's cut off.

Speaker 1: 25:22

Because he wasn't listening and considering.

Speaker 2: 25:23

Because he wasn't loving her enough to connect with her about what she really wanted and what she really meant. He was not loving her enough to understand her heart in the matter.

Speaker 1: 25:34

So then, eventually, if this continues to happen with a fridge, and with paying a certain bill, and with showing up to a certain event, and with doing a certain thing and with, you know, going in the bedroom and messing it up in there heaven forbid, but it happens Eventually the wife is going to just continue to dismiss the man and eventually the wife is just going to this guy. He's just here.

Speaker 2: 25:58

Husband, this fridge is not respectable. You got this fridge from the garbage. I would rather have our old fridge. That will trigger him, I guarantee. If he loves her, if he has the love for her in his heart, that will trigger him. You're not disrespecting him. You're showing him that his choice was not respectable. That word, respect, is huge. It's huge. I'm not saying to weaponize it, but if it's used strategically and from a loving place as a wife, it can be a key word to for him to understand. Wait a second, she wants to respect this, but it's not a respectable choice. You know, you went out and you drank so much saturday, right, I just. And you woke up sunday we weren't able to go to church, and that's just. I just can't respect that and I need more from you in that and I don't want you to do that yeah that's a hard, that's a hard talk right there right, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 27:00

But using those words and I can't respect that choice is better than saying I don't respect you or giving him the cold shoulder or throwing water in his face and being all those kinds of rude and disrespectful gonna make a huge difference in how you respond because again in this scenario, it's a wife who wants to love this husband.

Speaker 1: 27:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:19

Who wants to be kind and respectful to him.

Speaker 1: 27:22

So how can we tie our Christmas bow on this?

Speaker 2: 27:27

Pretty bow on this. Unconditional respect is hard. Yes, if you're coming from a place where you have disrespected your husband for years and now he's unloving you, not loving you the way you want to be loved. Yes, it's going to take time and it's going to take intentionality and it's going to take telling him hey, I want to respect you, and going from I want to love you to really understanding, as a wife, what it means to say I want to respect you and showing him respect regardless of how he is, so that he sees wait a second, I'm off track here. Let me get back to the, you know, to the loving side, so that she can get back to the respecting side. It's going to make all the difference. It's not a magic pill. It's a slow, incremental, step-by-step thing where you guys connect.

Speaker 1: 28:18

Yeah, and to for the wives who are, you know, just beyond respecting him because of all of his track record, what he's done, you know, having the slow and steady pace of acknowledging that you want to respect him and choosing those words, I think is the big takeaway over here on the women's side, is like how you say your words and what you say, which words you choose to say, changing one weapon to another. You know, I think of using the respect. I think of that as like a bow and arrow where it's very precise, it's very swift, it's very hitting the mark. That's going to really affect what happens after that.

Speaker 2: 28:59

Yep, absolutely, and so Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Yes for sure.

Speaker 1: 29:04

Absolutely Anything else that you would like to say on love and respect.

Speaker 2: 29:10

I think, guys, once you read the book, totally recommend reading the Love and Respect book. Once you get into understanding how to love your wife the way she desires to be loved, to speak her not speak her love language, but to show love in the way that she receives it, you're going to see the respect flow back to you in the way that you receive it and you'll be happy with the outcome. I promise you that.

Speaker 1: 29:37

It's always reciprocal, right, and I think, from taking away from these past two episodes, it's always reciprocal and it always has to kind of initiate from the man.

Speaker 2: 29:48

Yeah, we're the leader. No, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 29:50

As women and as wives, we always have to voice the need and voice the lack the need and voice the lack. If we don't share verbally what we're missing or what is needed, then the guy can never really take the initiative to act first, which would then reciprocate and start that cycle.

Speaker 2: 30:10

If you've spent five, nine, 11 years of being unloving as a husband, of being the lord of the house, it's going to take 5, 9, 11 years to get back on the love cycle.

Speaker 1: 30:23

Huge scenario and then we're going to wrap this up. If it took 5, 7, 9 years where the husband was not unloving and then all of a sudden he decides to become a loving husband and she is meeting that with, I just don't know, I just can't trust, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 30:38

I just can't trust.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I don't know. I've changed my thoughts about you. I've changed my heart about you. What can you say to those couples?

Speaker 2: 30:46

That's where the couple needs professional help, because that is not a place of. It's not a place where as I said over and over in this episode episode, it's not a place where there is goodwill in the marriage. She does not have the best interest of the marriage at heart, she is not sure, she's not sure if she's willing to love him completely and so, working on that as a unit, it's going to take time and then take a professional help and a pro is going to work through all the decisions, all the little things and going to give you weekly input and weekly advice on what to do.

Speaker 1: 31:24

Let's go ahead and pray.

Speaker 2: 31:26

Lord, we're grateful for the opportunity to come together that you've given us the freedom to bring this out there and to share about you and about your love, lord, and I just pray for the couples out there who are really battling to have goodwill for each other and who are battling to really want the best for their relationship, and I just lift them up today. I pray that they would find this podcast, they would hear it, that there would be great takeaways today that they could share and love and use together. I pray for strength in the good marriages and love and use together. I pray for strength in the good marriages that they would see little nuggets that they can use in everyday life to be a better husband and be a better wife. Lord, and I'm just grateful for today and I just give you glory for all of it, in Jesus name, amen.

Speaker 1: 32:10

Amen, this was a lot. This was a huge series that we're covering.

Speaker 2: 32:17

Your what ifs, your what ifs are fun. I like it because it puts me in the perspective of how I help men and how I can help couples.

Speaker 1: 32:26

Do you think that after doing a book like Love and Respect, that we would go ahead and do more books?

Speaker 2: 32:32

Yeah, if we could get all the great ones down there. We get all the great ones down there.

Speaker 1: 32:36

If you guys have a book in mind that you would like us to put our feedback on and break it down into ways that can become practical applications for you guys, let us know. Throw us a little review or throw us a comment in our social media at Love by Faith Ministries. That's it. This was fun, but we do have one more episode before we take our big winter break. Yeah, so we're going to tie one big, pretty Christmas bow around the whole first half of this season and we hope you guys tune into that in the meantime. In between time, make sure you like, share, subscribe on youtube. Make sure you write those reviews for us on spotify, iheart or apple podcast. Give us a five-star review if you don't have a whole lot of time to do all that. Either way, it's going to benefit us to help us get this podcast across the entire world we appreciate you.

Speaker 2: 33:24

In this christmas season and between all the gifts and all the parties and all the family time, love by faith yes, and next week we're gonna wear-oh. We'll see you next week, everyone.

Speaker 1: 33:37

Bye.

Speaker 2: 33:44

What Both of our phones dinging?

Speaker 1: 33:48

My phone was very minimal.

Speaker 2: 33:51

You had the Well, yeah, man.

Speaker 1: 33:53

I got to keep myself on pace. You're letting everybody know that you have an Apple phone with that alarm.

Speaker 2: 34:04

Your what-ifs. Sometimes I'm like another what I'm like another. What is another? What? Dude, it's real talk. It is no, it's good. I know you that they're coming from scenarios that you've experienced in helping women, and so I trust that it's valuable stuff, and I know you've helped lots of women, so why are you acting like you don't want to wear christmas pjs? It's for the stick, I don't know tough guy yeah, why not? Oi why you gotta act like that boy, my wife's making me wear these ugly pajamas.

Speaker 1: 34:29

I like ted lasso that's been a great show.