For the Ladies: Helping Wives Stay Attracted to their Husbands | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #050

Ever wonder what can help wives stay attracted to their husbands?

Join us for our milestone 50th episode of "Love by Faith" as we share personal stories and insights on navigating attraction beyond the honeymoon phase.

We explore the importance of faith, the everyday quirks that endear us to our partners, and the graceful transition from initial butterflies to deeper connections. It's about shifting our focus from mere physical appeal to appreciating the subtleties that make our partners unique.

Our conversation doesn't stop at emotional connections. We highlight the significance of personal health and self-care as vital components of maintaining attraction within marriage. As women, recalling the reasons we fell in love and nurturing the friendship and romance are key elements in keeping the flame alive. Meanwhile, men can play an instrumental role by acknowledging and responding to their partner's preferences, creating a balanced and vibrant dynamic. We touch on the various dimensions of attraction—humor, confidence, and intelligence—while underscoring that genuine connection comes from understanding personal triggers and embracing them.

As we wrap up, we bring a fresh perspective on the power of forgiveness and the metaphorical barriers that grudges create.

Concluding with a prayer for breaking down barriers, we hope for clarity and lasting love in all relationships. Join us for an episode filled with laughter, introspection, and heartfelt reflections on what it means to truly love by faith.

🔗 Links to Some of those "Actual" 80's Song References! 🔗

Burning Fire (by Elvis, 1972) 
River of Love (by David Foster, 1990)

(* ok, ok, so none of these were ACTUALLY from the 80's but hey, at least we were close! 😅)

Chapters

• 0:00 Attractiveness in Relationships
• 4:58 Maintaining Attraction in Relationships
• 16:27 Restoring Love Through Forgiveness
• 28:24 Loving by Faith and Attraction
• 35:38 Changing Clothes for Work

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

How to stay attracted to your man.

Speaker 2: 0:02

I felt butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I want to do things later.

Speaker 1: 0:06

Man where's?

Speaker 2: 0:07

the attraction. Where's that fire? Don't even look. I'm not here, bro. Your food is over there. I'm over here. Do not come near me.

Speaker 1: 0:14

What is the personal responsibility of the woman?

Speaker 2: 0:17

We're not perfect people.

Speaker 1: 0:19

By any means.

Speaker 2: 0:20

But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to build a friendship.

Speaker 1: 0:24

But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship and marriage that has stood the test of time. With a Keeping it Real style. We're going to talk to you about everything everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome.

Speaker 2: 0:46

All by learning how to lean on God and each other, in order to help you learn how to love by faith kyle felina. This is our 50th episode nifty 50.

Speaker 1: 1:02

This is our 50th episode. Came a long way. Yeah, this is our 50th episode Came a long way.

Speaker 2: 1:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:06

I feel way more comfortable than I. Every episode, I feel more and more comfortable, definitely, and it feels good to be getting comfortable at this.

Speaker 2: 1:13

You know I told you this before. I'm going to say it again. I am a little jealous at the progress you have made in your first year Because when you compare it to my first year of like youtubing and I was well you, I get it I think you went through the hard stuff for us because I just was able to sit back and watch you grow through that stuff.

Speaker 1: 1:37

maybe subconsciously I was able to like take away stuff that I saw you go through and be like don't do that, you got comfortable way faster. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:46

You got comfortable talking to the camera, talking to the people, talking to the world, not second guessing who's going to hear you, who's going to judge you?

Speaker 1: 1:56

who's going to?

Speaker 2: 1:57

say this and that to you. You got over that hump way faster than me and I just thank you and you're doing great and I love it.

Speaker 2: 2:06

And guys, if you like kyle, he's doing great things and you're you're appreciating his input and his take on how we're doing these topics like let him know, put them in the comments, send a review. We'd love to hear from you guys and thank you for all of you who have joined us for these first 50 episodes of love by faith I'm a christian man trying to bring Christian man's viewpoints to relationship talk. You're just a guy who's a guy being a guy.

Speaker 1: 2:29

Doing my best out here.

Speaker 2: 2:30

That's it. So what are we talking about today?

Speaker 1: 2:34

Today.

Speaker 2: 2:36

Why you got to do it like that.

Speaker 1: 2:38

How to stay attracted to your man.

Speaker 2: 2:40

Okay, I see now why you did the deep sigh.

Speaker 1: 2:43

I did a sigh.

Speaker 2: 2:44

Yeah, you were like Okay, I see now why you did the deep sigh. I did a sigh.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Yeah, you were like today is how to stay attracted to your man.

Speaker 2: 2:51

How to stay attractive to your man.

Speaker 1: 2:55

Not attractive.

Speaker 2: 2:56

How to stay attracted Because I think you're fine.

Speaker 1: 2:58

But how to stay attracted, how to like him?

Speaker 2: 3:02

How to see what I'm seeing, how to like.

Speaker 1: 3:07

Take that stinky man that wakes up with bad breath and messy hair. Yes, how to take that and stay attracted to that? Okay, and I think guys can take away from this almost as much as the girls can.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Oh, most definitely.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Because this is not a one-way street.

Speaker 2: 3:21

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 3:23

Absolutely. Our focus might be in on the women this week, but there is plenty that the guys can do.

Speaker 2: 3:29

Okay, can I go into this? Can I start diving?

Speaker 1: 3:31

Can I just jump?

Speaker 2: 3:32

right in. I feel like when we think of attraction and we think of how to stay attracted to our husbands, to our men, to our husbands, to our men, it's a really fine line because when you think of the concept of attraction it automatically becomes physical and you're automatically thinking of dad, bod and scruffy guy, and he's very loud in the way he sneezes and in the way he burps and in the way things come out of other places of his body and that's not attractive, right. And so you see your man just being a man. And then you're thinking, when you associate attraction, you're thinking of like he's ripped and he's going to the gym and he's well, you know, he's taking care of himself and he's dressing nice and he's smelling good.

Speaker 2: 4:25

but I think in this episode it goes a little deeper you want to go deeper I think, so I think you have to like that's just the surface, right, it's just the surface so guys need to maintain their physical appearance.

Speaker 2: 4:39

Yeah, keep their wife attracted but you can't even hold that as an expectation, because wives, if you're, you know, going through a season, like, say, you have kids, then it is very hard to bounce back and to get your body to the place where you once were when you said I do so. To hold that same standard to a guy like I don't know, that's unfair. Okay, I would say health.

Speaker 2: 4:59

I would say just maintain your health like, don't just let yourself go go because you're married and because you have kids and because you feel like you've reached the pinnacle of all you can do, you know, still make the effort to take care of yourself, to give health like, treat your temple as it should be. You know, don't just let your temple fall to the wayside. Nobody wants that.

Speaker 1: 5:23

Okay.

Speaker 2: 5:24

Because then it becomes sloppy and nobody wants sloppy. That is definitely not attractive when you're sloppy.

Speaker 1: 5:29

So what? We talked about guys not being sloppy to keep the attraction from the woman. So what do the women do to stay attracted to their man regardless, so independent of him? What do the women have to own in maintaining the attraction of their husband, independent of anything he does? What is the women have to own in maintaining the attraction to their husband, independent of anything he does? What is the personal responsibility of the woman? What can they do, independent of anything he does? So it's not conditional. What unconditional things do the women need to do to maintain their attraction to their man?

Speaker 2: 5:59

that's hard. I would say it's so hard, it's so many layers, because the first thing that came to my mind is you got to remind yourself on a continual basis of why you fell in love with this person in the first place right, right yeah because, regardless of how they look, in sickness and health, for richer or poor, you know, for all the things you're vowing to love this person and so you have to find the love in each of those assets, in each of those spectrums.

Speaker 2: 6:30

You know you have to find the love in the poor, you have to find the love in the, in the sick, you have to find the love in the. You know good, in better times and in worse times, and some it's hard to see that, it's hard to just be like there it is. That's the answer. Go on and do it because, like we talked about in our previous episode, we evolve right and guys change. Yeah, you know, if a guy loses his job, he's a completely different man and it's going to change him depending on how long it takes for him to get a new job. You know if, if he loses somebody you know very dear to him, if we move and you, if his football team is bad, right Like it changes the man. If the football team is great, it changes the man. And so, in looking past the original commitment and vow and covenant that you made to love this person, through all of those things.

Speaker 2: 7:23

You also have to be okay and embrace a new love as he evolves to become a new man, and that's hard so you, you started with looking back on how you fell in love yeah so you look back and is this gratitude?

Speaker 1: 7:42

is this looking back with fond memories, that that hold your heart together? How does this? No, what is the emotional? What is the emotion there?

Speaker 2: 7:50

it's not warm, fuzzies yeah it's a fire. That's like. I want to be intimate with this man. I want to be with this man forever. This man makes me laugh yeah, this man makes me feel safe. This man, I like him, I like this guy okay like. That's huge. A lot of the times we lose the attractiveness because we don't like the guy anymore. We love him, sure love him.

Speaker 2: 8:16

Don't want him to die right we need him in our life, but we don't like you, we don't like you. And so to like your man to continuously do that, I mean, it's all the layers again. You have to maintain your friendship, you have to maintain the romance, you have to stay spiritually connected, you have to do all of the things so good, you have to do all of the things on a continual basis, not just one know, but at the same time the fire that burns within you. Sometimes that needs to be a spark that only the man can bring. And sometimes it is as simple as being in the surface, like we've been going over this recently Kyle and I. Cologne, yeah, cologne, okay, okay. I did not realize until Kyle did not wear cologne and then he chose to wear cologne, how much smell, the sense of smell, leads me to feeling attraction for him. Okay, okay, to the point where I'm like you got to figure this out, like we got to have a date cologne and a daily cologne and a church cologne.

Speaker 2: 9:30

Like I need the smells.

Speaker 1: 9:32

It's been a thing.

Speaker 2: 9:33

I need the. It's been a thing. It's been a thing because I did not realize this. So I guess something that women can do that is unhinged from what a man can do is you have to know yourself well enough to know what attracts you. I didn't know. Sense of smell was a huge thing for me. It's more attractive to me that he smells good than for him to sound good or, you know, look good. You know he can be scruffy beard, but if he smells delicious I'm going to look past the scruffy beard.

Speaker 1: 10:07

Okay.

Speaker 2: 10:07

I'm going to look past the unkept hair. You know, for some people they need their man to look very neat and that could be as easy as you know trimmed nails and you know smooth hands and whatever. Or you know the way you dress, the way you carry yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:23

I've talked to so many guys whose wives are all about clean, shave, clean shave Clean shave Fresh, smooth face.

Speaker 2: 10:31

What? What are we in the late 20s?

Speaker 1: 10:33

It's what their wife likes. It's an individual preference. I'm sorry, that's not my preference, that's all right, but I'm saying there is know your woman.

Speaker 2: 10:42

Yes, for the guy yes.

Speaker 1: 10:44

You want to help her, aid her in being attracted to you, because there's plenty of great benefits that come from that right. Absolutely Do what keys for her as the dude to help balance the relationship.

Speaker 2: 10:55

Yes.

Speaker 1: 10:56

Do what strikes her fancy, do it.

Speaker 2: 10:58

It's the same as the women. If guys like a certain wardrobe in a bedroom, setting girls, you would go out and you would go get those wardrobe pieces right. You think it could be as easy as that.

Speaker 2: 11:14

It could be as simple as that. Yeah, I think so. Easy as that. It could be as simple as that. Yeah, I think so. If there's. If the dude is like lingerie really gets me, then guess what it's gonna. Guess what she's gonna go out of her way to do on valentine's day? Okay, she's probably gonna go get some lingerie. If you tell your man like I really love that you're clean shaven, and the dude's like I don't care what you think, right, then what the f? Like that's not gonna work, that's not gonna help her stay attracted to you. Because she went out of her way to say like this helps me feel attraction to you, this helps me stay attracted to you, you know, and again we're going on looks.

Speaker 1: 11:47

So taking in that communication, it's looks, but the point you're making there was to hear the communication from your partner, yeah, and so, to stay attracted, you take the communication that they're giving you and you apply it. Yeah, so it's applying the things that you know works for them to stay attracted because, like a magnet, it takes two. Attraction is is, like we said at the beginning, two-way street, and so if he's putting out all these things to help the relationship, if he's putting out all this effort, yeah, hey, you could do this to help us in the relationship. Or she's putting out, hey, you could grab some cologne to help us in this. It's up to you to take that responsibility, to take that initiative to respond to her challenge. Take it as a challenge, take it as something that's going to see how it turns out, because I think when you get to that point in your relationship where you're questioning man, where, where's the attraction? Where's that fire, what is this?

Speaker 2: 12:43

it's gonna take baby steps it's gonna take superficial level one yes, level one communication things to yeah right.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Clip your nails, clean the dirt from under your nails, if that's her thing right hold her hand, go for a walk, do the little things first because the attraction I remember which episode it was, because we've done 50 of them now the where we're talking about dating and we said don't start with the big, the big overnight going out date to to spark things off. Start small, start with going out for coffee again, start with going out for for dessert again and go from there.

Speaker 2: 13:19

I will say something and I think 99% of the women will agree with me on this. One thing that could really help a woman stay attracted to their man is if their man makes them laugh Okay, Makes them smile. Makes them laugh Because think about it Okay, Makes them smile. Makes them laugh Because think about it. Even in the society standards, the least attractive guy out there.

Speaker 1: 13:50

If he can make them girls laugh, he's got an arm full of girls on him.

Speaker 2: 13:52

Personality matters, Personality. Yes, To be able to let your girl unwind and unplug and kind of just escape from all of the hardships of the world, to just know that she can laugh and have a great time with you, yeah, that is very attractive. That is that keeps them wanting to be close to you, that keeps them wanting to be with you and hang out with you. Yeah, and it is, uh, it's. It's one of those secret. It's one of those secret. It's one of those secret qualities that really helps relationships is to I, one of my most favorite quotes of all time when it comes to relationship. Rom-com things is in sex in the city. Big, if you guys are familiar to the show big says, at the end of the day, you just want to be with someone you can laugh with.

Speaker 2: 14:37

And so that's he went after. He went back to carrie okay because he had the model, he had the girl, he had all the marriages. But at the end of the day, you just want to be with someone you can grow old with and laugh with. And if you don't have that, yeah you're going to be very dull and boring and it causes people to lose that attractiveness so for the ladies yes to stay attracted.

Speaker 1: 15:02

You have to. It sounds like that the ladies, if we're we're putting, we're talking about what the ladies can do to stay attracted their man, yes, the ladies have to continue to engage with him and chit chat. I'm gonna list it you ready for the list.

Speaker 2: 15:16

Hold on no wait, wait.

Speaker 1: 15:18

I'm trying to elaborate on the point you just made. Okay, for the ladies to to connect with their man, to stay attracted to their man, you have to make time for chit chat, no, for pillow talk. I didn't say any of that. For him to make you laugh, yes, okay. But for that to happen, he's not just gonna walk up and be like you heard the one about the why not?

Speaker 2: 15:39

Why not? Why can't he be humorous on an everyday basis? You're trying to See, I see what you're doing here. I see what you're doing. You're trying to say what can women do to stay attracted to guys? And I'm pointing out all the things that guys can do to be attractive, so that they can stay attracted.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Okay.

Speaker 2: 15:59

And you're saying okay, but we're talking about what guys can do, let's redirect it to what women can do.

Speaker 1: 16:02

You are not missing my point, See I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 16:07

Okay, keep going then so very first thing you need to do, ladies, let's rewind, let's erase the whiteboard. We're going to start this a little over. First thing you need to do is you women out there. You need to understand yourself well enough to know what is attracted to you Like what. What is your definition of being attractive? Like what do you find attractive? Is it smell? Is it a sense of humor? Is it a guy who can carry himself well? Is it someone who is eloquent in their speech and charming right Cause we like the charm? Sometimes it flatters us. Is it intelligence? Is it someone who's just working really hard, getting their hands dirty and scrappy, paying the bills, coming home and still being a father at the end of the day? Is it somebody who is just, I don't know. Whatever floats your boat.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Is it it the six?

Speaker 2: 16:57

pack? Is it the clean, shaven face? What is it that attracts you? What is it that moves you to be like I felt butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I want to do things later. And you know I'm saying like, what gets you there? Okay, what gets you there? What gets you there?

Speaker 2: 17:14

You need to understand that part first, okay, yeah, and if you have those parts and you're like I love I'm going to use the cologne example If I feel like cologne is it the sense of smell? Is it when my man is smelling good that makes me feel attracted to him, and you get that and he receives it, and he does it and you still don't feel attracted, then you need to go back. You need to go deeper. You need to understand, okay, what's going on. What's wrong? Am I holding a fence? Is there something that I have that's disconnecting our connection? Is there a rewiring problem that needs to happen? Is there something within myself? Am I going through something?

Speaker 2: 17:51

It could be as easy as hormones. I remember one time I completely lost my limbito because of a hormone imbalance. Could be something like that. You know there's so many factors, but you're never going to know what those factors are until you understand what it is that keeps you attracted. And only you can answer that. Your man can do all the things he can do, all the grand gestures, he can be on his P's and Q's, but if you don't know what it is that's going to move you, that's going to light your fire, that's going to keep you in a flame that's burning yeah, this burning flame desire.

Speaker 2: 18:27

Is that like a song from the 80s? I feel like this is a burning flame desire. Burning fire is that a song?

Speaker 1: 18:32

I think there's a johnny cash's ring of fire right? No, that's not it okay okay, anyways that's not 80s at all.

Speaker 2: 18:38

No, if you understand that part, then you're able to apply, you're able to communicate it, you're able to share with it, and then you can react when it happens. That's good, that's what I would say. Is that what you were looking for, sir?

Speaker 1: 18:52

That sounds great. Yes, that is awesome. That's what we're here for is to help the ladies today. All right, selena, when I was praying for this episode, I really felt strongly to talk about grudges and forgiveness. Okay, and the spiritual side of attractiveness. Yes, talk to me about grudges and forgiveness from the ladies.

Speaker 2: 19:11

Grudges are like dams that ceases the river of love to flow.

Speaker 1: 19:16

Let's go yeah, cold shoulder's just the worst. It's just, it's a, it's a plague both ways, because guys are just as guilty as cold shoulder. Not want to talk about issues, want to just block them off and they're dams.

Speaker 2: 19:35

They stop the river of flowing yeah, stops it, just dead in its tracks. And if you think of love, like a river, it's constantly in motion.

Speaker 1: 19:45

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:46

It's constantly moving. It's, you know, there could be rocks and sticks and animals and all the things in it, but nothing can stop it from moving its natural flow and its natural rhythm. And sometimes the rivers are strong right and sometimes they're a little less, but it does.

Speaker 2: 20:05

As long as there's water coming right, it will always flow, and so offense and cold shoulders and not communicating. It's a dam. It is a man-made dam and it stops everything and it makes that person who is who built the dam, it makes them think that they are in control of how and when the love flows the one.

Speaker 1: 21:42

So the other partner is behind the dam trying to climb up this giant wall, and they got no chance to get through that?

Speaker 2: 21:48

No, absolutely not.

Speaker 1: 21:49

And so I think this is great. That's a great visual for the idea here. The dam, the buster of the dam, the the buster Like that buster dude no. Oh okay, the dynamite for the dam to get the river flowing is forgiveness.

Speaker 2: 22:05

Yes.

Speaker 1: 22:05

And whoever builds the dam is responsible for the forgiveness.

Speaker 2: 22:08

I mean, but do they have to blow it up? They could just like lift it. No.

Speaker 1: 22:11

They got to blow it, destroy it. There's no good place for a dam in our relationship.

Speaker 2: 22:16

That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1: 22:17

There is no good place for that dam.

Speaker 2: 22:19

Love should continuously flow.

Speaker 1: 22:20

That river should be a beast of a river, a beast of a river, a beast of a river of love, and I think everyone in here that sounds like an 80s song. Everyone in here listening is out to have, because if you're putting time into your free time to listen to a podcast that's about love and relationships, you want that river flowing. That's it. You must bring forgiveness to the table. You must bring that free-flowing love to the table. Forgiveness that's unfiltered, forgiveness that has no limit.

Speaker 2: 22:51

It's the 70 times 7.

Speaker 1: 22:52

It's not. I'll forgive you. If you do this, it's not I'll forgive you. When you do that, it's not. I'll forgive you. After two weeks when this has been gone for so long. It's forgiveness that is unconditional, like god. It's that jesus on the cross forgiveness that it's just done and over and we don't have to go through this again and we can move forward in peace.

Speaker 1: 23:13

We can move forward in restoration move forward, that's the key word, not backwards and then bringing it back up when it's forgiven, like it's fall right now, when that leaf hits the river, that leaf, that is the the issue we just got through. Let it flow Flows out. Let that leaf get down the river and gone and not come back.

Speaker 1: 23:33

That's it. Let that leaf never be seen again. When you're the one asking for the forgiveness, you have to be responsible for not bringing that leaf back Right, for not having the same. I don't know what you want to call it error, sin, fault. Come back and work together to keep the river flowing.

Speaker 2: 23:51

So let me bring this back. So offense is a really big Debbie Downer right In all of our relationships. It stops the love from flowing and the way you can break that, obviously, is with the forgiveness. But the reason why we're talking about this is because when you are met with offense, when you are met with that kind of with offense, when you are met with that kind of attitude and when you're met with that kind of heart condition, you instantly become unattractive. I will not want you to. I don't want you to touch me, Don't even come near me, Don't even shake my hand.

Speaker 2: 24:24

Don't, don't even look. I'm not here, bro. Your food is over there, I'm over here. Do not come near me, because we just we lose that connection. We lose that, like literally the river stops and so I lose all connection. And so if you allow that to fester, if you allow that I mean, I don't even know what you guys are offended at, but let it be the smallest little thing. If you let that fester, guys are offended at, but let it be the smallest little thing. If you let that fester, it turns into a very big thing. It turns into a drought. Let's keep the visual going. It turns into a drought. And what happens in a drought? Things die, things die.

Speaker 2: 25:02

And that's what's going to happen in your marriage. It's what's going to happen in your friendship. It's going to happen in your attractiveness towards one another. The person that you used to just gush all over and just instantly brought you flames.

Speaker 2: 25:16

If you get to the point where you're in a drought, you're going to look at that person, you're not going to see it anymore and they're going to start to get on your nerves and then you're going to start to pick on their imperfections and that's going to start to bother you.

Speaker 2: 25:28

The enemy will use that and will put on a completely different lens of who you see in your person, the person that you chose, the person that you love, the person that you bared your entire heart and soul and spirit to, and he's going to show you a completely different ugly light. It's like, okay, you think your marriage is good. Different ugly light. It's like, okay, you think your marriage is good, you think you guys are fine because you're still doing the motions and you're still looking clean and you're still smelling good. But if you have a fence in your heart and if you guys aren't resolving things within each other, then your laughter is gone, the attractive is gone, your friendship is gone, everything is gone, and on the inside and in reality, things are terribly falling apart and you're not going to see them as that clean, spiffy person anymore.

Speaker 1: 26:17

You're going to see your husband as this the lack of forgiveness the lack of forgiveness will block the blessings absolutely and I think it goes. It goes deeper when these serious issues come up.

Speaker 2: 26:30

Yes.

Speaker 1: 26:30

And it's deeper than don't let the sun go down on your anger. Yeah, Because it's not going to be a one-day solution, right, it is waking up with that new sun, with new hope and with new energy and with new effort to reconnect, to reignite the fire, to work together to make this right, and it's an everyday thing. So, while we're not letting the sun go down on our anger for that day the big picture we have to wake up the next morning and keep tilling that land to get it right, to get that relationship right, to maintain that attraction in a godly way.

Speaker 2: 27:06

So how can women stay attracted to their men? Let's review. We are understanding what attraction is to us. Okay, yeah. We're communicating that with our person.

Speaker 1: 27:17

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:17

We're checking our hearts for any kind of ill thoughts, ill feelings, offense, bitterness, hatred, even hatred, even hatred, even in your heart, that you might be harboring towards your husband. And you're checking that on a daily basis so that every morning you can be renewed, you could be reset and you could look towards him, at the things that you know make you attracted towards him, and you can shine a light on those things.

Speaker 2: 27:49

Let's go on a daily basis, right, and if he's not doing it, say like he's the one, like now we're going back to the to the husband now, after you've done your part, after you've done your heart check and you've done your soul searching, and you know what you, you know yourself right now, if he's not holding up his end of the bargain, that's when you go out and say hey, let's go cologne shopping, let's go buy some clothes. Or, oh, I love your beard, but I love it even better when it's cut off.

Speaker 2: 28:21

Or hey, let's go work out. You're saying all of this in love Again. It's not a superficial thing. Love again, it's not a superficial thing. But if you know what you like and you see that your husband has let himself go and he's not doing the things that you like, and vice versa, don't do it unless you're not doing it Right. Don't expect him to come through if you're not doing it. Is that what you were going to say?

Speaker 1: 28:42

No, okay, guys are so easy right.

Speaker 2: 28:46

You say that you come.

Speaker 1: 28:52

You say that. I say it again if you guys are so easy, if you come to us and say you know what I really like? I like it when you do x, y and z. I like it when you're when you wear that shirt or I like it when you have this kind of whatever, even if it's superficial, guys will appreciate that and be like all right, let me go I love that muscle shirt. Let me wear this shirt, let me wear this hat, let me wear this hairstyle or whatever she likes.

Speaker 2: 29:12

Kyle and it'll nothing brings me more attraction to you than when you are cleaning the house. That's right from top to bottom, like when you vacuum and you, you do the laundry and you're just like selena. The house is already clean girl, you don't even need to do it, ah get you good gets. It just lights my fire. That 80s song, burning fire, river of love comes to my mind and it just sends me to the moon.

Speaker 1: 29:47

I just want say I'll get right on that.

Speaker 2: 29:59

I say all that to say apparently, guys, it's a lot. Guys are easy. Apparently, In order to make them easy, you have to make yourself a little more easy to understand, and he can't understand you unless you understand you.

Speaker 2: 30:06

And so really the big work comes from you, in knowing what you want, knowing what really strikes you. And this is a really hard challenge, because a lot of women don't know what turns them on, they don't know what lights their fire, they don't really know what they're attracted to because they never had to think about it. That deeply.

Speaker 1: 30:30

Kids have come. Distractions get in the way.

Speaker 2: 30:32

Yeah, they put a lot of things first. They put their kids, yeah, they put all those things first and they put themselves and their needs and their desires on the back burner.

Speaker 2: 30:41

Absolutely, and so to bring that back out to the forefront. Sometimes it feels bad, sometimes it feels weird, sometimes it feels like this isn't valuable. Right now I don't need to focus on this, but you do, because this is your first relationship that you should be working on. Besides, you're one with God, and if you're not doing this, then again that that dam is just getting built and you will see the signs of when you see a dam in construction, you'll see it you know, and before it gets to completion and before it actually stops things, then let's do something about it.

Speaker 2: 31:13

And it starts with you, it starts with understanding yourself, it starts with checking your heart and it starts with talking to your man in a way where he can easily comply to those needs.

Speaker 1: 31:25

I know we're in such a heavy spot but attraction is so serious in the relationship Absolutely, and you must work at it and it's a work forever. Like we said at the beginning, we're changing. It is a constant thing that we have to keep going back to, keep going back to how can I be more attractive and how can I be more attracted to her. And answering those questions and working together to get that right will help your relationship be fruitful endeavor and will help you to love by faith.

Speaker 2: 31:59

Oh, that's nice, that's great. I think a lot of people we are so stuck in the present picture. You know you're thinking about all the things that are happening in this season. You're thinking about all the things that are happening in this season. But look, 50, 60 years from now, when you're old, old like, can barely see, can barely hear, can barely walk, your hips are bad old, right? You want to stay attracted to that person. Right, you want to laugh with that person, you want to love that person, you want to just see them and they're just the twinkle in your eye, that person. Right, looking past all the things of the season of now, you want to keep that, because you want that towards the end. That's the end goal, and so what you're going to do today, in Loving by Faith today, is going to help you reach that, and that's what we all want at the end of the day.

Speaker 1: 32:46

Amen.

Speaker 2: 32:47

Amen, you're going to age like fine wine. Kyle, I could see it. You too, you're going. You're going through that, george Clooney route.

Speaker 1: 32:56

You're doing great so far. Oh, thanks, thanks. Let's pray for these couples out here. Let's pray for these ladies. Spread faith, yes episode.

Speaker 2: 33:11

We pray that the women and men who have heard this episode or watched this episode, that they took something away from it, that Holy Spirit, you have spoken to them in their hearts, something that they could do to change themselves or their relationship as a whole. We pray that any dam that is being built in any couple's lives right now, in the name of Jesus, by faith, through intercession, that it would be diminished, that it would be broken down, that it would be completely exploded and just wiped away from these relationships, hearts and from their minds. Lord, we pray that they would come to a place where they can forgive, where they can recognize what their offenses are that are keeping them from finding that attractiveness in each other. We pray and lift up that you would just overflow blessings of clarity, of discernment, of intimacy over their lives and we pray that they would continue to learn how to love by faith so that they can glorify you through their relationships and through their legacies of love. In Jesus's name.

Speaker 1: 34:03

Amen, amen, amen. Thanks everyone for listening today and watching online. We appreciate you. Make sure you like and subscribe to our YouTube channel. All the socials are Love by Faith. Oh, the new website. Dude, get on the website If you need help talking about forgiveness or the dam. We want to set up a couple's consultation. We'd be glad to chat with you. Lovebyfaithministriescom. That's right, we love you guys. We appreciate you being here. Like, follow, review, subscribe.

Speaker 1: 34:34

we'll see you next week bye I just, I just want a big hug. Why? Because I'm I appreciate you, I appreciate you, come here, give me a hug.

Speaker 2: 34:47

Lady, how are we gonna get hugs with all these guys.

Speaker 1: 34:48

We're going to get over here. Figure it out.

Speaker 2: 34:51

Oh my God, I love you, appreciate you, appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 35:01

You can make up on my shirt.

Speaker 2: 35:02

I hope not. Oh, I did, I did Look in the back. Oh no, look at your whole face print.

Speaker 1: 35:08

No, I didn't, it was a shadow. You ever see that video with the church hug and the lady leaves her whole face like right on his shirt. Did I send that to you? No, oh, it's hilarious.

Speaker 2: 35:17

My stomach.

Speaker 1: 35:17

So when my stomach growls, can you hear that in the mic when you're editing?

Speaker 2: 35:20

Okay, you know it's interesting. I don't hear that. I don't hear that. How about the background noise? I don't hear any of that.

Speaker 1: 35:26

Yeah, we got good sound editing.

Speaker 2: 35:27

Good mics.

Speaker 1: 35:37

Yeah, it's good. Alright, y'all, I gotta go.

Speaker 2: 35:40

You don't have to go. I got to get to work when you gotta go.

Speaker 1: 35:47

Right now I gotta change into my work clothes.

Speaker 2: 35:51

You're not wearing these spicy clothes to work no, heck no when are you gonna wear these spicy clothes again?

Speaker 1: 35:54

next time you take me out somewhere where am I supposed to go?

Speaker 2: 35:57

look at, you got your chino shoes on my chino shoes looking good.

Speaker 1: 36:00

Yeah, I came out I'm fired.

Speaker 2: 36:02

You're looking nice. You got some smells on you.

Speaker 1: 36:05

Got a cologne on you right now no, but I did put my smelly lotion I can't smell, even if I could.

Speaker 2: 36:09

My nose is all stuffy. Could you? Did you sound like I was stuffy? Not at all. It's because we got good mics, because you got good vocal cords. I love you I appreciate you, kyle, I appreciate you.